Walls Became Fuel
by Eerily
Summary: Kenny has been psychologically crippled after a horrifying incident leaves him with no reason left to live. Kyle finds himself back in South Park after four long years and, against the advice of his best friends, offers his estranged ex boyfriend a hand.
1. The Art of Letting Go

Hello again everyone! And welcome to my next fanfiction! I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed Inner Personal Relations. Seriously, I love all of you guys so much and some of you gave me some really awesome advice so I just wanted to take some time out to thank all of you.

So anyway, this story is going to be a lot different that IPR was, although there will be creek because... reasons. I will try my best to update this more often than once a week.

Ah, and I also write the majority of my fanfiction on the notes of my Iphone, so if there are weird words in weird places blame autocorrect.

Chapter Theme: R.I.P by 3OH!3

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><p><em>The Walls Became Fuel<em>

_Chapter One; The Art of Letting Go_

"Kenneth, you aren't going to get any better unless you talk to me." Dr. Gloveland sighed out in exasperation while leaning back in his chair. His big glasses reflected the lights on the ceiling as he straightened out his green sweater vest.

"I don't need to get better. There isn't anything wrong with me." Kenny repeated for the hundredth time as the doctor tapped his pencil against the edge of his clipboard.

"You embedded a pen in a man's eye socket," The therapist reminded his patient rather harshly, "Do you think there was nothing wrong with what you did?"

Kenny didn't reply because he didn't have an answer. Sure what he did was horrible, but he wasn't in his right mind at the time. If the dumb prick hadn't been messing around with him in the first place he wouldn't have been rushed to the ER with a pen jammed into his frontal lobe.

The doctor sighed, "You do know what they are going to do to you if you don't successfully complete this program, don't you?"

As usual, Kenny had nothing to say.

"They are going to lock you up, McCormick! You are going to prison if you don't talk to me! I know what happened is hard for you to even think about, but I'm running out of options here and I can't help you evade the court forever." Dr. Gloveland sternly barked. He didn't want to be harsh with the young man in front of him. Kenny McCormick was really nothing but a traumatized child-at-heart who didn't know how to handle all of the horrible things he had seen, -at least that's what the jury decided- but the doctor was at the end of his rope. Every other day for the last two months Kenny had walked into his office, sat on his ass, and just stared at the wall. He was so unresponsive Dr. Gloveland would have thought the man was brain dead if he didn't know better.

"Can I go now?" The young man asked as if he didn't hear a word the doctor had shouted to him.

Dr. Gloveland stared at him for a little while as an unbearable heaviness weighed on his shoulders, and then he finally dismissed his patient with, "Yes, your time is up anyway."

Kenny stood from his chair immediately, but before he could even take a step towards the polished oak exit the doctor added, "Listen to me, and at least consider what you're doing to yourself by keeping up this silence. Your whole future depends on you completing this program."

Kenny could have laughed in the man's face by that point. What future? He surly didn't have any sort of hope ahead of himself after all that he had been through.

"Noted." The orange clad rebel murmured under his breath before stepping into the hall and closing the door behind him. The hallway was completely empty, which was actually pretty normal around that time of night. The only people left in the building were a few secretaries and workaholic therapists who used the darkness and silence to their advantage. Kenny slipped through the dim, yet beautifully decorated corridors until he found himself at the large glass front doors of his therapist's building. He grimaced angrily at the sight of heavy rain pounding the cement outside. He didn't recall hearing anything about a storm, but his only source of information at the time was an unreliable old radio he had mounted on the dashboard of the junk car he slept in. That piece of shit couldn't pick up much more than an oldies rock station, but even that sometimes wouldn't come through without blaring static. Either way a storm is what Kenny got. The winds began to blow harshly, causing trees to sway and a few people outside to lose their footing as they too tried to make their way to their cars.

He had no umbrella to keep the cold water from soaking through his clothes, but the hood of his dirty old parka did offer him a small shield from the storm as he launched from the thick double doors and sprinted towards his car. The sky above him was dark and grey, bearing the weight of the rainstorm that was beating Kenny into the cement as he desperately sprinted for cover. Thunder boomed overhead and the downpour was falling so hard he felt like he was suffering through a barrage of BB pellets. His legs pumped as quickly as they could go and his old sneakers began to lose traction against the grey pavement of the parking lot. Finally he reached his red 1985 Toyota supra and threw open the passenger side door. The lightening cracked through the sky, causing a bright flash of light to surprise Kenny as he dove into his crappy old car and slammed the door.

He let out a sigh of relief when the rain could no longer soak into his bones and eventually stripped himself of his drenched clothing when he settled back down. He tossed his parka, white T-shirt, and jeans onto the floor in front of him. He tried to adjust his radio in hopes of getting some reception before dressing, but all he could hear was the sound of rain pounding harshly on his thin metal roof.

He glanced over to his dashboard where he saw a little bundle wrapped painstakingly carefully with a thin white sheet. The rain droplets pounding at his window made him fear for his precious package; so he gathered up the little bundle and gently placed it under his passenger seat where he was sure no rain would ever taint it. Kenny knew he should work up the courage to deliver his package eventually, but he was beyond afraid of what it's recipient would feel about him knocking on his front door. The fear and anxiety was too great for his overworked mind, so he decided to say fuck it and deal with that whole mess at a later date.

He squeezed past the red front seats to climb into the back seat, where he kept his clothes. The moment he realized his friend, Bebe, had left him freshly cleaned clothing folded in a neat pile on his back seat he nearly had a conniption. She must have dropped off his laundry while he was being harassed by Dr. Gloveland. He was unsure at first about giving her a key to his rolling metal deathtrap of an abode, but oh was he happy he did. That was the first time in weeks his clothes had been washed and it couldn't have come at a better time.

"Oh god, Bebe, I love you so much. With everything I have, I swear. Oh sweet Jesus you're an amazingly beautiful person, oh yes." He practically moaned out as he pulled an unsullied and dry shirt over his head. He didn't care that he sounded like a teenage boy experiencing his first orgasm; he had clean clothes to sniff. The fabric was still warm from Bebe and Wendy's washer and they smelled like the candles Wendy always had in her electric burner. He absolutely loved that smell. It was like an odd mix of jasmine and honey and the aroma was more than welcomed since it helped chase away the moldy and musky stench his dank aged car had to offer.

It's sort of funny that he was allowed to live on his own after all the trouble he got himself into; especially considering he lived out of his car. Usually after someone goes to court for physical assault they at least get stuck with an ankle bracelet and house arrest. Yet, he was found guilty and life for him could continue as usual as long as he finished his whack-job therapist's program. However, odder things had happened in South Park over the years so it's best not to question such menial things.

Once he clothed himself in a baggy red T-shirt and a pair of grey sweats he curled up in the cramped back seat. Thanks to the salary he earned as a clerk in a local tobacco shop he managed to purchase himself a big yellow comforter to keep him from getting cold, but he was still without a pillow to rest his heavy head on.

His eyes glistened as lightning blazed in the sky and the relentless rain continued to pound loudly on the roof of his car. His neck was already hurting from the awkward position his head was in against the back door and his stomach grumbled.

Kenny hated being alive.

He hated everything about it.

He had tried so many times to end it all. He's drowned himself, hanged himself, over dosed on just about everything, flung himself from buildings, jumped in the path of oncoming trains and even made an attempt to slit his wrists open. Every suicide ended the same. The sweet stench of death would overtake him and for a few moments he would feel relaxed and at peace, and then once the peace had passed one of three things would happen. Sometimes nothing would ensue at all between the time of his death and when he awoke curled up in the back seat of his car, but other times he felt things. His favorite feeling was flying. It was almost as if he was in a constant free-fall with soft clouds brushing his cheeks and if he listened really closely he could swear he could hear the gentle voices of angels singing him to sleep. However, there were other feelings he'd experienced that weren't quite as enjoyable.

After the moment of peace passed sometimes he found himself in another place. A place where hot coals and fire scorched his hands and feet and the only sounds he could decipher were those of angry demons howling loud enough to bust out his eardrums. He seemed to end up there more and more often after what happened, but he didn't really mind so much. He hated the fire that surrounded him and the situation only left him screaming in agony, but there wasn't anything he could feel in death that was more horrific than the nightmares he would experience in life. There were times that he killed himself; knowing hell was waiting on the other side, just so he could avoid dreaming. And every time he had a gun to his head or found himself under the large steel wheels of a locomotive there was a hope inside of him that kept him believing he might not breathe again.

Yes, his nightmares were horrifying. Many of the dreams that plagued him weren't really dreams at all, but rather memories that his grief stricken brain refused to let him forget. Those were the hardest for him to cope with. Some were horrid reenactments of the unspeakable night that ruined him, while others were fond and happy memories that left him wanting to tear his own throat out. He hated the happy dreams the most. They weren't nearly as horrifying as the more frightening dreams brought on by the pivotal incident, however they only served to remind him of all the happiness he used to have; causing him to spiral downward into depression.

To be frank with the point, he would much rather wake up screaming than crying.

Things might not have been so bad for Kenny if he had his friends around to help him overcome the overbearing, bone crushing weight he was suffering through. However, they all left him. One by one they drifted away or cut him off completely.

The first of his trusted circle to abandon him was actually the hardest for him to bear. The first one to leave him was the one he loved the most. The first one to leave him was the only one he truly gave everything to. The first one to leave him was the only one who still haunted his fondest of dreams and memories that were now nothing but too painful to bear. The first one to leave him was the one who promised he would always stay.

The first one to leave him was Kyle Broflovski.

Yes, Kyle Broflovski, arguably his first love and the only healthy relationship Kenny had ever found. He left him to go to college in another state a couple years after their senior year of high school, which happened about four years before Kenny found himself living out of his car.

Losing Kyle was a devastating blow to Kenny, who overcame the majority of his bad habits through him and ultimately fitted his life and future around the other boy. Not to mention all the emotional turmoil Kenny went through when he realized his heterosexuality was in serious question. Before his affections for Kyle came to light he had only ever been with women, and a lot of them. Never once had he imagined himself in the bed of another man, but thanks to Kyle that's what happened.

Things were different with his redheaded boyfriend than they had been with all those girls, though. Sure there was a lot of sex and the occasional fight, much like he had experienced with the countless girls he fucked around with or actually tried to date, but Kenny and Kyle evened each other out beautifully.

Kyle managed to tame Kenny's wild side, causing the rebellious blond to actually graduate with high marks because of his many nights studying with Kyle. Kenny wasn't the only one who was changed by their relationship, though. He helped loosen Kyle up quite a bit both in an innocent, and not-so-innocent way. He even convinced him to enjoy many nights of adventure under the buzz of alcohol.

Life couldn't have been better for Kenny during those last few years of high school. He managed to end up in a wonderful relationship and he was doing an amazing job in school, which was a miracle in itself. He had a large and close knit group of friends and family and the future never looked quite so bright for him.

That euphoric feeling of purpose didn't last long though. Kyle's leaving turned out to work like the domino effect and each of his friends, family and aspirations became a chip in line to be toppled over while all Kenny could do was watch it all fell apart.

Cartman was the next domino to fall. Once Kyle was gone he slowly gravitated away from Kenny and Stan. Eric complained that things just weren't as fun without Kyle, the redheaded Jew-boy, to rip on and preferred hanging around his girlfriend, Wendy, rather than his old friends.

However, Stan stayed with Kenny for a few years after high school. Even when Kenny hit rock bottom and was nothing but an inconvenience to him Stan still stuck around. It did get hard from time to time, though, considering Stan still had his foot in Kyle's door, so to speak. During the resurfacing of Kenny's massive drug addictions and endless line of sex partners the last thing he wanted to hear about was Kyle, who was seemingly doing an amazing job in Georgia without him, while Kyle was the only thing Stan ever wanted to talk about.

It's not that Kenny could ever get away from the thought of his ex though. Even if Stan did have the courtesy to keep the topic out of conversation Kyle still constantly plagued his mind thanks to the tattoo of his name across Kenny's left upper arm.

He sadly lived to regret that life decision.

The issue with Kyle wasn't what made Stan leave though; not even after the near-crippling tragedy that destroyed Kenny's mind. In fact, he was in the hospital holding Kenny's hand when the incident left him dying in a hospital bed; not that Stan remembers that, of course. No one ever remembered when Kenny died. None the less, the distinct memory of the last close friend he had left sobbing out his name was enough to reassure him Stan would stay with him.

He didn't though.

He stopped hanging around Kenny about a month before he started going to therapy. Stan's breaking point was witnessing his disoriented friend jam a writing utensil in someone's brain at the local drug store. He didn't blame Stan for that though. He would have left at that point too.

It's really quite surprising that Kenny had any friends left at all.

"Fuck me." He grumbled irritably as he bunched up a pile of clean clothes under his head for some cushion. He was sick of sleeping in a stiff car seat, but he had little other choice unless he planned on dying again that night. The rain was still pouring harshly; making a racket over his head and keeping him awake. For the first time in a long time he really wanted to sleep. He wanted to try and rest his eyes rather than blow out his brains, but Mother Nature had other plans for him.

Unable to sleep; he climbed into his front seat of his shit car and slammed the key into the ignition. The pictures hanging from his rear-view mirror clinked together when the car began to vibrate; catching his attention and making him sigh.

He had a good collection of ornaments hanging from the metal mirror, all of which had some sort of sentimental purpose. A cheesy pair of pink fuzzy dice hung there only because that's where Stan and Cartman had put them as a joke during senior year. He also had his graduation tassel, a gold chain that once belonged to Kyle, and both of his sibling's school pictures hanging around that thin metal rod. He would have probably been better off if he took all those things down. All they ever did was tear back open his healing wounds, but he just couldn't let go. He couldn't let go of all of those happy and good things even though they tore him apart and irritated his bleeding heart every time he glanced at them.

The recollections of all the laughter and joy that once filled his life and lifted his soul were starting to slowly fade.

The laughter was gone.

The joy, the love, all the hugs and kisses had disappeared and those little keepsakes were the only things left that reminded him life was once worth living; even though it wasn't anymore.

The plastic of his sibling's photos clinked softly together as the rain drenched his windshield. Blue shadows cast into the interior of his car as his sisters soft smile beamed down on him through the dim lighting and left his throat dry, but his cheeks wet.

"What am I gonna do, Karen?" He asked her little plastic picture sadly before rubbing his forehead.

He took a moment to scan his surroundings and let out a long and unsure sigh when his eyes landed on his passenger seat. His leg bounced with anxiety and the stitches holding his torn heart together began to loosen and snap when he finally decided it was time to let go of his bundle. He reached into the shadows of it's hiding place and pulled the precious treasure out from under the passenger seat. He didn't want to give it up. He had no use for it anymore considering he used it for all it was worth, but he was so afraid to let go. The tips of his fingers brushed the cloth protecting the item he valued so highly and a sob almost made its way out of his throat.

That's when he realized he couldn't hold onto it forever, no matter how bad he might have wanted to. His eyes fogged over and filled with bitter tears as he shoved his car into reverse and backed out of the parking lot.

...

Kenny fucking hated smoking. Not because cigarettes can cause horrific cancers and not because they could suffocate those around him; he hated smoking because it entailed flipping open a lighter and holding a scorching flame just centimeters from his face and thumbs. God, he hated it so much. The feeling of the burning heat so close to his skin could send him into a horrible panic, but his cravings for nicotine only grew and grew the longer he tried to fight it off.

He held the butt of said cancer stick tightly between his lips, mentally preparing himself for the flame that would shoot from his lighter and ignite the end of his sweet release. His right hand trembled in rebellion and every time he tried to ignite the flame he would flinch or falter. He didn't like thinking that he was so incapable of completing such a menial task, but when someone is as fucked up as Kenny it's hard not to be afraid of little things.

Fire most definitely wasn't his only fear. The little flame at the end of his lighter didn't even scratch the surface of his inner most uncertainties.

"Ah! Shit!" He shouted when the flame caught the edge of his trembling thumb.

In a fit of rage he chucked his lighter across the car; where it clinked against his windshield and disappeared in the black hole that was his 1985 Toyota supra. He sighed to himself and picked at his thumbnail in frustration. He was pissed, but at least the roofing over his car kept the rain from irritating him. He was parked under the protection of an open garage that belonged to someone he was so afraid to see again. He was tempted to reach under his seat and pull out one of his many long bottles of alcohol, but figured he would probably get wasted off of his ass if he did. He could never just have one drink. Sadly, that was a trait passed on from his piece of shit father.

Piece of shit father.

Piece of shit.

Kenny hated that man. His father was not his family. That idea was tossed out the window after what the bastard had caused. Everything he ever loved, cherished, and protected was gone because of that single man's mistake and Kenny wasn't the only one paying for it.

He wasn't the only one who cried himself to sleep, either. That's exactly why he was here; parked in this garage while trying to build up the courage to just bring his bundle to the door and ring the bell. He was here to give someone closure. To give closure to someone who was probably hurting just as bad as he was, if not more. He still wasn't sure what reaction he would get when he finally did knock on that door. He was pretty sure he would get a dirty look at the very least, but this had to be done. Nothing could ever make up for what Kenny had failed to do, but he had to try.

He held the sheet-wrapped item tightly to his chest as he gripped the door handle and pushed his way out of his car. The garage he parked in was relatively empty, but that wasn't much of a surprise considering it's new owner has only been using it for about six months. A few tools were hanging from a rack above a work bench, a rather small deep freeze was pressed up beside a door that lead into a kitchen, and another car was parked a few feet away from Kenny's. Other than these few creature comforts the garage was baron.

Kenny approached the door with uncertainty raking through his being. He was nervous and afraid, but he knew that package needed to be delivered. He had already avoided this moment for too long as it was, he couldn't keep running away from everything that made him uncomfortable and he knew that.

He took a second to prepare himself before knocking loudly on the door. From deep within the house he heard a sudden chorus of furious barking and howling. The unexpected and booming noise sent him jumping back from the door.

"Tamara! Goblin! What the fuck did I say about barking like that?" A very irritated voice sternly barked through the loud racket of snarling dogs.

"Don't worry! I'll put them in the back room!" replied a very feminine voice from deep inside the guts of the house, "Just get the door!"

"Ah! Hold on a minute! I'll be right there!" The home owner yelled to whoever was waiting outside as he shuffled across the kitchen tiles.

Kenny felt the massive pressure of anxiety filling up his chest as the knob before him jiggled. The door pulled open; setting the dark garage aglow with light that flooded in from the kitchen. When the dark silhouette standing in the door realized who was standing in his garage his unseen expression was left confused and surprised.

"Kenny?" he asked in shock as he stood stif and concerned, "God... It's been so long. Have you been doing alright? I've heard a lot of things."

Kenny was surprised to say the least. He didn't expect the other man to show him worry and compassion of all things, but Ike Broflovski had always been a good and caring person, just like his older brother. No matter how he had been crossed he was always rather quick to forgive.

"Um... Yeah. I guess so. I actually came by to drop something off." Kenny replied as his fingers tightened his grip on his package.

Ike tilted his head to the side in confusion and eyed the item in Kenny's arms with curiosity, "Alright. Come in, come in. Ruby and I were just about to make a midnight snack."

"Ruby's here?" Kenny asked.

"Ah, yeah. Her and her parents got into it so she is staying here for a while. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it later. Now hurry up and get in here before the bad weather gives you a cold." he insisted in a tone that sounds strangely like something his adoptive mother, Sheila, would say.

The first thing Kenny noticed when he walked into Ike's house was how messy everything was. Brown boxes overflowing with Karen's things were stacked on top of his kitchen counters and a wide assortment of women's clothing was laid out on his dinner table. Pictures of him and his fiancé adorned the walls just as they always had, but none the less Ike's photo album lay open atop the clothes littering his dining table; not that Kenny was surprised by any means.

It was almost as if every Broflovski was programmed for cleanliness and order. Kenny of all people should know that considering he dated one for four and-a-half years. During that time he couldn't even set a cup on the coffee table without Kyle giving him a scolding lecture about the benefits of using a coaster. However, Ike used Karen as the foundation of his life and everything got thrown out of whack when that foundation was ripped out from under him.

Kenny knew exactly how that felt, so he understood why his sister's things were strewn about her fiancé's house as if she lived there. It was the same reason Kenny kept her and Kevin's pictures hanging from his rear view mirror.

Neither Kenny nor Ike wanted to let go.

"So, you said you had something for me?" Ike asked as he rubbed his hands together as if it was cold. Kenny almost felt bad for stopping by. Even though Ike was being friendly it was quite apparent that the blonds' presence was stirring up painful thoughts in his mind; just as it was for Kenny to be reunited with his almost-brother-in-law again.

"Uh... Yeah." He almost whispered as he held out the sheet, "I... I didn't want to give it up... but I think it will be safer here with you. She wanted you to have it, anyway."

Hearing this Ike's eyebrows ruffled together with anticipation, but he reached out to take the cloth covered item gently. He wasn't sure what was inside all of that fabric, but for Kenny to have been coddling like that it must have been something important.

Ike's fingers twitched as he slowly and carefully peeled away the layers. By this time Ruby managed to wander into the kitchen. She offered Kenny a broken smile, for she too was damaged by the same incident that haunted Kenny and Ike. She too understood their pain.

Kenny tried to smile back, but it turned out looking weird and misplaced on his face.

The white sheet fell to the floor as Ike's fingertips trailed across a leather cover. "What's this?" he asked with a quivering lip and trembling knees.

"It's Karen's... She wrote about you a lot." Kenny replied before swallowing wad of pressure in his throat and leaning up against the edge of the wooden countertops for support.

Ike cracked open the diary and let his eyes run across one of the filled pages. Ruby watched with worry as he sucked in a trembling breath and tears began to well up in the corners of his eyes. His watery brown gaze moved from the diary in his hands to the scrawny twenty-four year old leaning up against his counter before he mumbled out a heart-felt thank you.

Kenny only nodded in response before Ike added shakily, "Is it true that you're living in your car?"

"Uh... Well… Yeah. Things have sort of been tough, but you know how it is." He dismissed nonchalantly almost as if he was taking about getting water on his shoes rather than being homeless.

"You're sleeping here until the storm passes," Ike demands as he tucks Karen's journal under his arm, "A car is no place to be sleeping, especially not with winds like that blowing outside."

"I... Really?" Was the response as a rather perplexed McCormick blinked in disbelief, "I thought you never wanted to see me again."

"I never said that, you just assumed it," The Canadian born man argues with a sigh, "Holding grudges is God's business, not mine. I… I was in the wrong anyway. What happened wasn't your fault… Now, I'm going to go shut the garage door."

With that he turned away from a grateful, yet astounded, Kenny and disappeared into the falling darkness of the garage.

Ruby cleared her throat to catch the older man's attention once Ike slammed the door closed. She knew of Ike's habit of wallowing in misery in his garage when he didn't want to bother others with his tears. The resurfacing of his late fiancé's most personal diary was sure to draw water from his eyes. He needed his time alone and she was going to make sure he got it.

"So I heard you got away with a slap on the wrist," She said with a bit of an ill-behaved smile, "At least the justice system did something right for once."

As she spoke she glided out of the kitchen and into the living room so Kenny followed her to continue the conversation. Ike's living room was much tidier than his kitchen had been. The walls where white and the carpets were green, a couple of leather couches were positioned on either side of the room and his drapes looked clean and expensive. Ike's television was not nearly as impressive as the rest of his living room, though, considering the tiny thing looked older than the man who owned it.

"I don't know what you mean by that," Kenny confessed as he stood awkwardly in the doorway, "I stabbed a man in the face and got off with therapy, that's barely justice."

Ruby had reclined in one of the expensive leather couches and picked up an issue of Teen Magazine by the time he had addressed what she had said.

"Oh come on Kenny, that douche bag had it coming and you know it," She argued as she flipped through her glossy magazine, "He shouldn't have said what he did."

"Well yeah, but I shouldn't have hurt him."

She cocked a brow in his direction in disbelief, "The Kenny McCormick I know would never regret getting back at someone who insulted his family. Remember when some sleazebag grabbed Karen's ass at the mall? You didn't let that shit slide. You decked the fucker, as it should have been. Same thing goes for that guy at the store. He deserved worse than what you gave him after what he said."

"Yeah, but he wasn't talking about my sister, he was talking about my brother."

Her pale face fell drasticly and her eyes scanned the room around them. A picture of the McCormick siblings sat just a few feet away from her. It was probably left there by Karen when she started moving her things into the house, along with all the other boxes and items that cluttered up the kitchen. Ruby rubbed her forhead before mumbling out, "I hated your brother, but he didn't deserve what happened to him. Carol and Karen didn't either."

A silence fell upon the two as they tried to keep their masks of strength from loosening and falling off of their faces.

"You miss her too." Kenny murmured softly, breaking the silence and snapping Ruby out of a trance.

"Well… of course… we all do… that's why Ike screamed at you that day. He didn't mean any of the things he said, you know. He just wanted someone to blame."

Kenny chuckled softly, and then leaned up against the doorframe.

"So you're living here now, huh? Ike said you fought with your parents." He said as a lame attempt to change the subject.

"Oh my god you don't even know." She fumed as she smacked her magazine closed. She too was looking for something to keep her mind off of her pain and an angry rant was Ruby's cure for every ailment.

Kenny cautiously approached the couch and sat down timidly as if he wasn't supposed to be there. Ike had said he forgave Kenny. He actually dismissed the whole thing completely, which was genuinely confusing considering the explosive confrontation they had just a few months earlier. None the less, Kenny was thankful to have a couch to sleep on rather than the cramped back seat of his car.

"Well then enlighten me."

"Okay, so it all started last month. You know how mom and dad kicked Craig out all those summers ago, right?" She asked, still furious by the tale she was about to tell.

"Yeah, I heard it was because of Tweek or something."

"Yeah! It was because dad freaked out about them being together or whatever. Okay, so Craig's been living with Tweek for like… years now, which was already pissing off my parents for some god awful reason, and you know, once a couple has been together that long they're bound to get married eventually."

"Wait… Tweek and Craig are getting married?" Kenny asked with a bit of a chuckle.

"Well, yeah. Sometime. They were going to wait until Clyde and Token get home from Iraq, but Token insisted that they go ahead and do it. Tweek called my mom to tell her she was invited because Craig didn't want to. He didn't want dad to know about it after all the drama he caused over them just being boyfriends and all, but Tweek wanted me and mom there so we planned to go without him, but dad found out anyway and flipped his shit over it. This is around the time my grandma passed away from her cancer."

"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. She went peacefully. Anyway, in her will she said she wanted Craig to have my grandpa's old military uniform and that thing has been really important to Craig for a really long time because of how close him and granddad were, but my dad decided to be an asshole and take the suit without telling Craig about it. He said that Craig shouldn't have it just because he was adopted! Just because he isn't related by blood doesn't make Bobby any less of his grandpa, am I right? But I found out later that the real reason he didn't want Craig to have it was because he wants to marry his boyfriend and my dad is all homophobic or whatever. So yeah, Mom told Craig about it so him and Tweek came over to take it back. So they all start fighting over it and I'm watching all this from the staircase, right?" Kenny nodded his head and let out little noises of agreement as she went along with her long and rambling tale.

"So about this time was when my mom took Tweek in the back room to get the uniform while my dad continued being a dick by fighting with Craig over it. Then out of nowhere dad grabbed my brother by the front of his shirt and raised his fist like he was going to punch him! I yelled at him to put Craig down and Tweek fucking BOOKED IT into the front room. Now, that dude may be scrawny and short, but Tweek's a boxer, okay? He hits hard! So Tweek saw my dad screaming with his fist up so he popped the fucker in the side of the mouth! Long story short they left with the uniform and me and my dad got in this huge fight later about the way he treats my brother. I mean, sure Craig is an egotistical, narcissistic freak of nature, but if you're going to hate him hate him for those things and not because he's with a guy, you know? So yeah… dad kicked me out because I stuck up for Craig and Tweek. I didn't really have anywhere else to go at first so I lived with my cousin, Red, for a while, but Millie and Annie were living there already so they didn't have much room," She stopped to let out a sigh, "So I lived with Wendy and Bebe for a couple days before Ike took me in for good."

"Wow… That is quite a story," Kenny replied to show he had been listening, "but why didn't you go live with your brother instead of jumping around households?"

"You're kidding, right?" She asked with a snicker, "I'll stick up for the prick, but I don't want to live with him again. I don't know how Tweek can stand the guy. He's a major asshole."

"Aren't all cops assholes?" He retorted with a cockeyed grin.

"Only to you, Mr. Bad Boy," she said lightheartedly while picking at the chipping paint on her fingernails, "Speaking of bad boys, how is your dad doing? I heard he was finally released from the hospital."

"Don't know, don't care." Was Kenny's response as he propped his feet up on the glass coffee table.

"You know, everyone keeps saying you've lost your mind, but you seem just fine to me."

"Its because you haven't seen me angry. You wont like me when I'm angry." Kenny jokes as he clicks his teeth together.

She laughs at this and looks back down.

"Ike is gonna have a fit if he walks in and the hulk has his shoes on the table." Ruby warned; never averting her gaze from the purple nail polish she was picking away at.

"God, just like his fucking mother." He fussed as he lowered his feet to the floor.

"Ah! That reminds me. I'm probably going to have move my shit all around now." Ruby whined in frustration as she leaned her head back against the leather couch.

Kenny chuckled as he wiped the side of his face with his bare arm, "Why is that?"

"Ike's brother is coming home from college, so if he doesn't end up living with Stan I'm stuck with him."

"Wait... What?" Kenny asked with his heart thumping harshly against his ribcage and his stomach doing flips.

"Oh, Kyle got his teaching degree or whatever, so he's coming back to South Park." She said nonchalantly as she rolled her eyes. She continued talking, but was cut off abruptly when Kenny stood from his seat and began to walk out of the room without a word.

Ruby sighed out a knot in her chest when she realized what she had done, "Kenny! Where are you going?" She asked as she leaned forward in her seat.

"Away from here." was all he said before walking into the kitchen and out the garage door.


	2. The Wound that Cut too Deep

Hello again everyone! I would like to thank Bubbl3wrapGuy, abcsinging123, A Shinning Starr, Crazy88inator and Amberr-Chan for the reviews! Also everyone who added this to their alerts and favorites I would like to say thanks to you too ;~;

Chapter theme: Car underwater by Armor for sleep

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><p>The Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Two; The Wound that Cut too Deep

Ike sat alone in his garage as bitter tears streamed relentlessly down his cheeks. His shaking fingers stroked the pages where he knew Karen's once were while absorbing every word she had filled her personal journal with. Her first entry was about her brothers, naturally. She also wrote of the lover she left behind and spared no details when explaining just how much she loved him. When Ike's already watering eyes skimmed over his own name he choked out a sob and bit down on his knuckle to keep from being heard. He didn't like hiding his pain from everyone. He didn't like keeping it all bottled, but he didn't want to let it out either. Grieving was admitting she was gone for good and Ike just didn't want to feel anymore. Sometimes it felt like she was just on a really long trip and she would be back home again soon. It may have been unrealistic and unhealthy, but he didn't care.

Liquid slid down his cheeks and dotted the brown wood of the work bench he was seated at. The garage was engulfed in darkness with nothing but dim and flickering lamplight to keep his missing love's words illuminated before him as he read. He sniffled as all of his defensive walls began to crack and crumble, leaving him feeling scared and defenseless. What was he going to do without her? She was his world, his universe, his everything, and now that she was gone so was all of that too. All the plans and dreams they had built together were in a pile at his feet and the realization was beyond overwhelming.

He began to sob loudly and uncontrollably as tears streamed down his already damp face. He couldn't understand what he had done to deserve all of this pain. He couldn't understand how any merciful god could allow such destruction of his innocent sons and daughters.

Then, out of the darkness of his garage, a gentle hand made itself known when it tightened it's grip around his trembling shoulder. Ike froze at first, but wiped the bitter water from his cheeks before turning to face whoever was attempting to comfort him.

"It's not good to cry by yourself you know," Kenny said in a soft voice he rarely used "It makes people bitter."

Ike leaned back in his chair, pressing the back of his head against Kenny's stomach and allowing the man to link his lower arms around him in a weary and half-assed hug. Kenny was still so unsure around Ike and he could feel that.

"I meant what I said, you know," Ike offered as the pair of arms wrapped tightly around him began to loosen with confusion, "It really isn't your fault. I should have never put something like that in your head. Hell, I should have been thanking you for trying to help her."

"I could have helped her."

"No you couldn't of," Ike snapped suddenly when he felt tears welling up again, "There wasn't anything you or anybody else could have done to save any of them. I should have been happy you were alive instead of pushing all that blame on you. It was selfish of me."

"It's my fault she was there." Kenny murmured softly with his eyes narrowing in hatred of himself.

"No, it isn't... We can't blame anyone like that. You and Kevin invited her over, I let her go and all else is history."

The lamplight flickered as Kenny found himself speechless. Heavy rain continued to fall onto the tin roof above them, leaving the gloomy weather sounding more soothing than irritating. His blue eyes closed as he inhaled a deep breath of air dampened by the rain. Ike's shaking fingers wrapped around Kenny's linked ones and the younger man couldn't keep in his feelings of pain.

"Your still family," He tried to reassure Kenny through a gasp of air and a sob, "I don't care about all the problems you've had with my family before, you're still my brother, okay?"

"Okay." Kenny murmured softly. It felt oddly comforting for Ike to say those kinds of things to him. He had no family left so to hear those words, even though all ties Ike and him once had had been severed, was a pretty big deal.

"And you were always welcome here, you know. Even after I yelled at you." Ike continued with a quivering lip.

"Okay...," Kenny whispered quietly as he kept his eyes trained on the darkness outside of Ike's garage window, "I'm going to go, okay?"

"What? No. It's storming still." Ike reasoned as he dabbed at his watery eyes with his sleeve. As if on cue the sounds of a distant crack of rolling thunder drifted into the open garage doors.

"It's okay... I'll come back to see you and Ruby again soon... You should really start closing your garage door, too. Somebody could take your tools."

Ike laughed half-heartedly at the suggestion, "I live on a mountain. Who's gonna come all the way out here to steal a couple wrenches from my garage?"

"Touché," Kenny mumbled as he loosened his grip around Ike and turned to return to his car.

"Wait, where are you going to go?" Ike asked with concern when Kenny yanked on his car's door handle.

He didn't answer as he opened the door and slid inside. Where he was going was none of Ike's business, or anyone else's besides Kenny's for that matter. His car started with a sputter, but soon roared to life as he backed out of the inclosure and took off down the mountain. Ike watched him with a small pinch of anxiety building in his lungs. Kenny was a broken and hurting individual. With that in mind, Ike could only hope Kenny told the truth when he said they would see him again. No. He felt as if he needed to give Kenny more credit than that.

If he wanted to die he surly would have by now.

As Ike returned to his fiancé's diary Kenny was barreling down the winding mountain path with no regard for his own life. The tires of his old fixer-upper squeeled against the ashfault every time he made a sharp turn and he found himself blaring his shitty radio as loud as it could go.

Kyle.

Out of all the things that had to happen why did it have to involve Kyle? Kenny felt like he should hate him for leaving. He was sure no one would blame him if he did. However, he couldn't make himself hate the person he once loved. He couldn't make himself hate the person he used to share his life with. And it's not like Kyle left and never tried to talk to him again. They had a few long distance calls over the years, but knowing that Kyle just picked up and left him behind really hurt. It tore at his insides and devoured his heart.

And what hurt Kenny the most was realizing he still had feelings for his estranged ex.

Of course he hadn't actually seen him in almost four years, but sometimes wounds can cut so deep they refuse to heal. Kyle was definitely one of those gouging wounds. Kenny missed him, but of course he did. He missed the way he smelled, the way he talked, the way he walked and the way he laughed. He missed the way he smiled, the big breakfasts he liked to cook, the way his wild hair frizzed when it rained and sharing holidays together. He even found himself missing Kyle's frustrating lectures every time he slammed a door too hard or set a cup on a table without a coaster. It was really quite pathetic how much he longed for this person who had left and abandoned him, but his feelings were far more complex than that.

Since Kyle left him he has tried to fill the gaping void he left behind with other people. With women, to be specific. He's had a couple dozen sex partners and a few short term girlfriends, but no matter how much mindless sex or failed attempts at love he ended up in, nothing ever made that void go away.

So yes, he missed Kyle and from time to time found himself wishing he could have him back, but those thoughts always had the feelings of pain and abandonment attached to them. As far as Kenny knew he didn't do anything that would make Kyle want to leave. He was good to him, he was faithful to him and he provided for him. What else could he have possibly wanted? What was so damn important about college after they had already been doing just fine on their own as it was? Sure they weren't rich and Kyle's mom wasn't at all happy with the life he chose to live in a tiny apartment with Kenny, but they were well fed, had a roof over their heads and they were happy.

At least Kenny thought they were.

Once Kyle left Kenny found himself back in his parent's house. He could have easily stayed in the apartment him and Kyle once rented together considering at the time he was making quite a bit of money as a mechanic, but he couldn't bare to stay in that place without his boyfriend. The whole apartment was suddenly barren and empty and the silence drove him insane. On second thought it really didn't matter anyway, considering he wouldn't have been able to afford the place after his boss caught him with drugs in his system. That was yet another bad habit he tried to replace Kyle with, just like the alcohol under his driver's seat.

It seemed like life always decided to give him more and more reasons to do those things. Now that he was more alone than he had ever been before it was easy to make up excuses. It was easy to smoke a little weed, drink just one more sip, or shoot up one more time when there was no one to stop him. Kevin, Karen, Stan, Cartman, Kyle and so many others that could have easily made him put down the bottle or throw away the drugs were gone.

They didn't care about Kenny anymore, so why should he?

He slammed on the gas when he reached a long stretch of road, making his car lurch forward as he sped down the street at dangerously high speeds. Everything around him was dark except the road, which was illuminated by head lights. The yellow stripes lining the middle of the black street were his only indication to where be was until the lights of South Park glowed dimly in the distance. Rainfall still poured and the thunder still rolled as his speeding car slowly began to regain a normal speed. The last thing he wanted was for Craig fucking Tucker of all people to pull him over on the side of the road and deal him out a big, fat, harry ticket. He wasn't planning on getting in trouble and he wasn't planning on resting his eyes. He wasn't going to allow himself to sleep just so his painful memories of a smiling Kyle or his screaming sister could get the better of him again. No.

That night Kenny was going to die.

He didn't want to die dramatically like he had so many nights before. He wanted it to be quiet so he could feel relaxed and at ease. He wanted every memory he's ever made to wash off of him and leave him feeling numb. The moment that thought passed his mind he found himself at Stark's pond; where he would be spending the rest of his night under water.

As he approached the large gorge of water he did not stop or even slow down, rather he slammed his foot on the gas and jerked his steering wheel violently to the left. His car swerved and his tires screeched as the vehicle barreled through a dirt parking lot. The darkness engulfed him as the metal hood slammed into the dense liquid of Stark's pond.

He wanted to disappear. He wanted to completely erase his existence so he did not fight or struggle when he began to sink. Water swallowed up his metal scrap heap like a Hot Wheel and drug him all the way down to the bottom of the lake. Tires thumped against the loose lake floor and dirt puffed up like big brown clouds around him. Water was pouring into his car and pooling around his knees at an alarmingly fast pace. His puffy eyes closed pleasently as he allowed the cool liquid to take him over. It slid in like a waterfall from all sides and soon it was up to his chest.

He didn't even consider grabbing at the door handle to free himself. This is what he wanted and the only thing that upset him was knowing he still may wake up in his backseat.

His clothes and other personal items were disheveled and floating around him as he felt his chin getting wet. He glanced up at the mirror and ran his soaked hand through all his little trinkets. They clinked together in the dim lighting as thick tears slipped down the sides of his clammy cheeks and mingled with what was surly about to end his life.

"Keep me with you, Karen." He mumbled only seconds before the water consumed him completely.

...

South Park was just like Kyle remembered it on the surface. None of the houses had changed very much, all of the streets were the same and he caught glimpses of familiar faces walking along the sidewalks and shouting hellos to each other just like they always had. However, he still bit his lip awkwardly with nervousness. Everything looked the same on the outside looking in, but he knew nothing would really ever be like it was before.

A lot can happen in four years time and there were a few people he didn't want to face just yet. His brother was one of those people. While his mother was begging him to leave Kenny and go to college Ike was imploring him to stay. He warned Kyle that he wouldn't find anything in Georgia that he couldn't find in Colorado and leaving would do nothing but destroy Kenny, who he was very close with at the time.

Obviously Kyle didn't listen. Kenny was the strongest person he had known and he was sure he would get along just fine without him. Nonetheless, he hadn't heard one good thing about his ex since he left. Stan and Ike had kept him pretty up to date until recently. It seemed like Kenny dropped off the face of the earth for a few months because Stan no longer hung around him and Ike decided to be an ass and get in a fight with him. It worried Kyle to know he didn't have anywhere or anyone to go to. Sure they weren't together anymore, but he always felt as if Kenny was his responsibility; even when he was miles and miles away.

Realizing his tank was almost empty he decided to fill up at the local gas station and grab himself a smoothie just like he and his friends always did when they were younger. That day was going to be a day of reminiscing, after all. He might as well have started with something that made him smile.

He sighed to himself as his vehicle came to a stop in the parking lot. That place definitely looked different to him. They had repainted and seemed to have added on a Subway, which he thought was rather unnecessary. When he stepped out of his car he took special care to see if he could recognize any of the other vehicles parked around the station. None of them looked at all familiar, which was disheartening, and he managed to park right next to a police car. The hot summer sun beat down on him so he was quick to get into the air-conditioned building before baking alive.

A loud ding ringed behind him when he stepped through the glass door, which didn't used to happen before. The interior looked even more different than he anticipated. The rows that used to be stocked with potato chips and snack food had been moved around and repositioned and some sort of bakery was in business where the refrigerated drinks used to be. He looked around for the smoothie machine, but was only disappointed when he realized it must have been taken out during all the renovations.

Kyle felt detached from this place all of a sudden and he began to feel like a stranger in his own town. People began to pass him by that he couldn't name or didn't recognize at all. He migrated to the back of the store and peeked into a plastic window that protected a wide assortment of baked goods.

Last time Kyle visited this place, the night he began his drive to Georgia, a pregnant Bebe had been working the counter. Her belly wasn't very big at the time, but the bump was visible as she maneuvered around the cash register. He was hoping she still worked there so he could have a familiar face to chat with, but he had no such luck. However, he could feel someone's eyes watching him with curiosity so he glanced in that direction as casually as he could muster. A policeman stood before him in full uniform, weapons and all, giving him an unsure gaze. Kyle gulped with anticipation as the officer approached him, but the man looked more curious than suspicious.

"Is your name Kyle?" The officer asked awkwardly as if he was pretty sure he might be wrong. However, the redhead was happy the policeman looked familiar, even though he couldn't place a name.

"Uh... Yeah. Kyle Broflovski."

"Didn't recognize you without that ratty old hat." He replied with a smirk as he tipped up his hat, allowing Kyle a full view of his face.

"Craig? Your a cop now?" Kyle asked with his eyebrow raised in confusion.

"I was in the academy before you left," Craig answered without changing his pitch whatsoever, leaving him sounding just as monotone and boring as he had ever been, "Why are you back in town?"

Kyle smiled nervously before replying with, "Um... I got my teaching degree and my brother is having some issues so I decided to come back and help him out."

"Oh, you mean with Karen? I was there when it happened," Craig said as his eyes hazed over, "When her family was in trouble, I mean. Kevin was a good friend of mine."

"Yeah, I remember... I couldn't believe it at first. I used to spend almost every day at that house with Kenny... Hey, have you seen him recently? I heard he's been in and out of trouble."

Craig let out a puff of air from his nostrils and his lips curled into a crooked smile, "More in than out. Why would you care?"

Kyle opened his mouth automatically to defend his intentions, but he really didn't know what to say.

"Okay, to be honest with you I don't know much about Kenny. Only that the dumb ass keeps making my job more difficult than it has to be." as Craig spoke another man with crazy blond hair and big yellow eyes came up beside him. Kyle immediately recognized the twitching figure as Tweek Tweak, who had a blue hoodie draped loosely on his shoulders and a big box of donuts in his arms. Craig, who had always been a hateful hard ass, greeted the other person with a soft smile, and then wrapped his arm around Tweek's shoulders. Kyle blinked in disbelief with Craig's sudden transformation from a coy asshole to a doting boyfriend, but thought best not to question a uniformed officer.

"Anyway, it's nice seeing you again," Craig relayed robotically to Kyle with little to no real feeling behind his words at all. Tweek smiled and offered his hand as a friendly greeting, which Kyle happily took. He wrapped his hand around Tweek's bony digits and was surprised when he felt something hard under the edge of his pinky. He glanced down at the hand he was shaking and caught a quick glimpse of a silver band around it's ring finger. Tweek didn't seem to mind at all when Kyle kept his hand long after the greeting was over to examine the ring closer, which had a pretty good sized stone set.

There was no doubt in his mind that what he was touching was an engagement ring.

He glanced up at the two people standing before him and couldn't help but feel even further away from this place than he had before. Tweek was distracted by something across the room as Craig kept his loving gaze trained on the side of his fiancé's face. It was always weird for Kyle to see such a contented expression on Craig, but it wasn't the first time he had seen it. Those two had always been a couple, after all. They were even together in high school like Kyle had been with Kenny, but suddenly being aware of their engagement made him feel terribly out of the loop and even a little mad at himself. He left to experience new things and learn to handle himself because he thought he was way too young to be settling down, but Craig and Tweek were content with just being together.

Why hadn't he been content with that? It felt so long ago he couldn't remember anymore.

"Gah! I promised Bebe I'd get her f-food for the baby! S-sorry... Kyle, we'll see you around." Tweek sputtered out before quickly scurrying to the door and dragging a bewildered Craig closely beind him.

Kyle just stood there for a moment, still feeling a little overwhelmed from his realization, but eventually got out of his stupor to buy a coke and a candy bar. He then paid for his gas and after pumping his tank full he sped off to his brother's house.

Every inch of land he passed felt so close, yet so distant. He knew every piece of that town, yet he knew nothing of it at all. His little group of close knit friends had disbanded long ago and the only ones who even spoke to one another were Kyle and Stan. All the places their group of hellions once frequented we're now barren or over-run with faces he didn't know and for a moment he caught himself wishing he could go back in time when it was him and his friends who were skateboarding down those sidewalks. He wished it was them who were running around town and causing trouble everywhere they went. However, his friend's faces had been replaced by younger strangers, just as theirs will be replaced too one day. It was a sad fact of life that Kyle had learned to cope with, but didn't appreciate.

As he approached Stark's pond on the very edge of town he saw something peculiar that caught his attention and made him slow to a stop in the middle of the street. A very familiar Toyota Supra was stationed in the dirt parking space by the pond as it's owner stood by the water's edge and basked in the warm glow of the afternoon sun. Kyle poked his head out of his window with curiosity as the blond man in nothing but blue swim trunks stretched out his back and dipped his toes in the cool water. Kyle could make out his own name tattooed on the man's left arm, which left an uneasy feeling swimming around in his stomach. He knew who that person was the moment he laid eyes on the intense string of tattoos up his spine, but seeing his own name permanently inked into their upper arm only solidified that the person before him was really Kenny McCormick.

Kenny continued to lazily stretch his muscles before he dove head first into the shallow waters of the bank and Kyle began to feel a little weird for watching so closely. When Kenny came back up from under the water he was lathering soap into his hair, proving that he wasn't swimming as much as bathing. By this point Kyle thought it best to continue on his way, but kept Kenny in his rear-view mirror for as long as he could.

...

"Holy shit, took you long enough," Ike let out with an irritated sigh when he opened the door for his brother to come in, "Did you get held up in traffic?"

"Yeah, there was a crash on the interstate." Kyle explained in a mumble as he walked in through his brother's kitchen. The place was a mess, but considering Ike's state of mind he thought it best not to nag.

Suddenly a pair of snarling dogs appeared on the other side of a gate that lead into the living room. Ruby was sitting idly on the couch while flipping through stations on Ike's old television, completely unfazed by the growling beasts just a few feet away from her.

"I see you finally got dogs." Kyle noted aloud nervously as his brother let a little smile spread across his face.

"Yeah. The German Shepard is Tamara and the Mastiff Rottweiler mix is Goblin. I've had them for a few months now." Ike beamed with pride as he glanced at the dogs behind the gate, "They're daddy's babies."

Kyle was never a fan of dogs, especially not big ones like the massive beasts being held in his brothers living room by a flimsy gate, but he knew Ike's therapist had suggested the animals to help his brother recover from his massive psychological scars and considering the beaming glow on Ike's face he had to agree that it was a good idea.

"So," Ike continued on, "Are you planning on staying here? As I said Ruby is living with me now so you would have to sleep on the couch."

Ike was rather conflicted when it came to his brother. He loved him of course, but Kenny wasn't the only person he abandoned when he left. Ike had needed him too. There were so many days when things just got so hard and all it would have taken to cure his ill was a long talk with his older half. Hell, Kyle didn't even need to talk to him to make him feel better. A good few hours of co-op on their favorite video games could lift his spirits enough to get him through the day, but when Kyle left he took all of those comforts with him. Sure Ike could always call him on the phone, but it was never the same.

No amount of begging or pleading could keep Kyle home where the ones he loved needed him and Ike didn't know why. He didn't understand why his brother wanted to leave so badly. No one really did, actually. Even Kyle forgot sometimes.

"Oh... Well, Stan did invite me to stay with him," Kyle replied over the barking dogs, "God knows I won't stay with mom so I guess Stan is my only other option."

Ike let out an amused chuckle and nodded in agreement before mumbling out, "I don't blame you."

The rest of the day was spent rather uneventfully and lazy. After Kyle's long drive all he really wanted to do was relax, which he accomplished by taking a long nap on his brother's leather couch. It turned out that Ike's dogs were much friendlier than their growling first impressions implied so he got to use Goblin as a pillow and Tamara as a very heavy and bony blanket. Besides being nearly shoved off the couch during a twitching fit from Goblin he was quite comfortable as he was lulled to sleep by faint voices from his brother's ancient television set.

However he was awoken quite rudely around eight O'clock that night when Ruby pulled Goblin out from under him. He groaned sadly at the loss of warmth and curled himself against Tamara before she was snatched away as well.

"What do you want?" He grumbled out with an irritated scowl before rolling against the back of the couch.

"Ike's gone out," Ruby said with her arms crossed, "I'm going to the fair. Do you want to come, too?"

"It's eight O'clock," Kyle complained as his eyes adjusted to the digital clock across the room, "Who the hell goes to the fair this late?"

"You. If you've forgotten. You used to go every night with me and my brother," she reminded him, "You can't just lay in bed forever, anyways. You need to get out and visit with people."

"No, Kenny used to go every night with you and your brother. I just got dragged along and there isn't anyone I want to see."

Ruby, now frustrated at hearing Kyle mention Kenny so nonchalantly, grabbed a cushion and yanked it out from under his head.

"Ah! God damn it!" He hissed in groggy irritation before sitting up and rubbing his throbbing skull.

"You don't have to stay the whole night, but I already promised everybody you would be there and Stan is gonna come. Don't be a lazy bitch." She barked as she buttoned up a red blouse over her sports bra.

Kyle sighed defeatedly and pawed at his unruly hair. In all reality he loved the fair, he just didn't think he was ready to face all the memories that came along with it. Every time he saw a sugary elephant ear all he could remember was Stan and Cartman's foolish contests to see who could consume the most at a time. Kyle thought foolish because everyone knew Cartman would win every time no matter how much faster Stan tried to scarf down his food.

When carnival games came into his mind all he could think of were the masses of stuffed animals and trinkets Kenny had won for him over the years. Kyle could still envision the determination on Kenny's face as he aimed the sharp end of a dart at a balloon, knowing that if he was successful he would get to see Kyle's eyes light up as he handed him a teddy bear.

Those memories of happy times with a group of people who no longer considered one another friends left his heart yearning for more. A feeling of bittersweet nostalgia rushed over him every time he found himself back in that place in his mind where his friends were still friends and Kenny would still hold tightly to his hand. Even when he was preoccupied with work and college in Georgia he would find his mind wandering back to those times that replayed in his homesick mind like old movies. The one that played back the most was the only one that didn't have a stop button. It took place during the summer after their sophomore year of high school. He was actually crushing on Stan at the time and decided to go to the fair for the first time since he was a small child in hopes of making something more of his infatuation. Much to Kyle's dissapointment Stan came along with Annie, leaving him feeling rather crushed and lonely. He still remembered the beautiful lights keeping the ferris wheel aglow as he climbed aboard with Kenny, who was trying to figure out what was the matter with his sulking friend. It took quite some time to break down Kyle's walls and make him lower his guard, but when he finally let the blue eyed blond in the unexpected happened.

Kenny took his hand and laid a soft kiss on Kyle's trembling knuckles.

Bewildered and confused Kyle tilted his head to the side as his tears continued to wet his cheeks. Kenny smiled as his blue orbs glistened and the bright lights of the ferris wheel cast multicolored tints across his fair skin. Kyle had never really stopped to get a good look at Kenny before that night. He always thought the other boy was the best looking of his group, but he didn't realize just how gorgeous he was until his soft lips caressed the callused skin over Kyle's knuckles.

Then, those same lips parted to say one phrase that would leave a certain pair of green eyes even damper than before.

"You came for Stan, but I came for you."

They went back to the fair alone the next night where they sat together on a bench and had a long talk about anything and everything. Kenny said something funny, Kyle luaghed, and then they just looked at each other for a while. That's when a realization hit Kyle like a bag of cinder blocks.

Kenny really liked him and he was starting to like Kenny.

It was memories like those that made him second guess his decision to leave in the first place. He made a lot of really good friends in Georgia and he didn't regret going, but he couldn't help but daydream about where he would be if he would have just stayed.

"You ready to go?" Ruby asked loudly from the kitchen.

"Uh," Kyle murmured as his thoughts left him feeling queasy and unsure, "Yeah... I guess so."

...

If there was one thing that hadn't changed in the four years Kyle went missing it was definitely the fair. He stepped in through the front gate with Ruby scanning the land for her brother and his boyfriend. He followed her eyes around the carnival and felt a pinch in his lungs when he realized he might as well have just stepped back in time. The ferris wheel was spinning in the distance. It's lights were aglow so it stood out strikingly well against the black night sky. The consessions were bustling and an elephant ear was in nearly everyone's hand. The carnival games were in as well and Kyle watched with a feeling of nostalgia as a man tried with everything he had to win a teddy bear for the girl cheering him on.

"I don't see any of them," Ruby complained as they walked through the carnival, "They're in a pretty big group so they shouldn't be too hard to spot."

"Who's in the group?" Kyle asked as Ruby pulled him through a rather large crowd of people.

"Craig and Tweek of course... And um... Wendy, Red, Millie, Annie, Bebe, Cartman, Stan and Benjamin I think. Ike might be with them, but I don't know for sure if he's coming tonight."

"Wait, who's Benjamin?" Kyle asked with his brow cocked as the younger girl with him continued to search the crowd.

"Oh, Bebe and Token's little boy. He's just the cutest thing too... Oh! There they are!"

Kyle could see Bebe waving them down from the other side of the fair. A little boy was attached to her leg before she bent down to scoop him up in her loving arms. Ruby quite literally drug Kyle along behind her as she excitedly joined her close knit group. He was amazed with the warm welcome he received. Wendy quickly snatched up the bewildered redhead in her arms and gave him a tight and unrelenting squeeze. A circle of ecstatic women greeted him happily with hellos, hugs and questions as Stan stood to the side with a grin on his face. Craig and Tweek also stood a few feet away, to engrossed in one another to know or care what's going on, and Bebe offered Kyle a big smile as she balanced her three year old on her hip.

Everyone was so different.

Bebe, who Kyle remembered as being a conspicuous party girl, looked much more like a doting and responsible mother than he imagined her to be. Red seemed to be in some sort of hipster phase, which she swore she would never do. Craig looked far more mature and Tweek had an odd air about him, smiling much more than Kyle recalled. Cartman actually thinned out and it looked a little weird to have Wendy hanging on his arm so lovingly.

Stan was barely recognizable. His once boyish features where sharper, more pronounced and he looked so different without his red puffball hat atop his head.

"Long time no see." Stan voiced from the crowd of Kyle's old peers.

He smiled pleasantly and threw his arms open for a hug, which Stan happily walked into.

"God it's been so long! How was your trip?" Stan asked excitedly.

"It was alright. Long, but alright," Kyle assured his friend before he was released from the embrace.

The next few hours were full of reminiscing old friends, but no matter how distracted Kyle's mind was his thoughts always gravitated back to the one person who seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth. Other than spying on Kenny bathing in Stark's Pond earlier in the day he hadn't seen or heard much about him. The large crowd of friends laughed and went along with their marry making as if the missing blond didn't even exist and for some reason that really bothered him.

Eventually their group began to split up into smaller parts. Kyle, Stan, Craig, Tweek, Bebe and her son split off from the others when Bebe got distracted with a visually appealing game booth. She handed Benjamin to Craig who ruffled up the small boy's frizzed black hair as Tweek pulled out a digital camera to snap a shot. Craig stuck out his tongue at the lens, revealing a purple tongue piercing as Benjamin tried his best to mimic the older man he considered an uncle.

"That'll b-be a good one for Token." Tweek said with a grin and a chuckle as the flash went off. Craig pulled him into a one armed embrace to place a sloppy kiss on his cheek while Benjamin reached for the camera in Tweek's preoccupied hands.

Stan was going on an on excitedly about all the things him and his super best friend needed to catch up on as Kyle sucked on the end of a straw and soaked in everything in front of him. He found the relationship dynamics between the people mingling before him somehow intriguing. He could tell by how closely Craig held those around him that he was the pillar that supported not only his immediate family, but Token's as well. Since his two closest friends decided to drop everything to serve and protect their country Craig thought it his responsibility to look out for the ones they left behind. He held and communicated with his best friend's child as if he was his own son and he talked with Bebe as if she were his sister. Kyle couldn't begin to imagine how much strength it must have taken for Craig to step up to the plate like he had and he was genuinely impressed with how much he grew as a person since he last saw him, even though he was still sort of an asshole.

"I'm gonna go get another drink." Kyle said, interrupting whatever Stan was saying as he crushed his cup in his hand.

"We'll probably still be right here when you come back." Stan replied with a chuckle as Bebe fumed at the stack of blocks she couldn't knock over.

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Kyle weaved through the crowd of people that swelled around them as he made his way to the concession stands. It was very dark and he was having a hard time seeing where he was going in the crowd. However, he did manage to find his way to the soft drink venders without incident. He smiled at the young women behind the counter as she poured him another lemon aid. He sipped cheerfully at the familiar taste before turning back to return to his group, but was stopped suddenly when he accidentally slammed into the person who was standing behind him. His lemon aid gushed from it's paper container and left both him and the person he ran into drenched in the sugary drink as he apologized frantically.

"No no, don't worry, it's alright." The darkened silhouette replied through the dim lighting.

Kyle dabbed at the front of the strangers jacket with his own sleeve before looking up at exactly who he had just poured lemon aid all over. His lips went slack and his heart shot up in his aching chest when this supposed stranger looked down at him with apprehension and disbelief in his bright blue eyes.


	3. Free Falling

Hi everybody! I would like to thank Amberr-chan, winged demon wolf, Crazy88inator, Not The Time To Breakdown, and A Shining Starr for the awesome reviews! They were so thoughtful and they just made my day.

So sorry for the delay on this, but I've been really sick recently. Too sick to write. However, I'm back now and I should be updating every Sunday night, for those of you who are curious.

Also I'm sorry it's so short, I mean... Really really short and I'm so sorry about that ;~;

The next chapter will be longer I PROMISE IT WILL BE SO MUCH LONGER THAN FIVE THOUSAND WORDS

Also, feel free to tell me what you think of this chapter, whether you enjoyed it or not any feedback would do me wonders.

Chapter theme: The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

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><p>The Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Three; Free Falling

"K... Kenny." Kyle let out breathlessly as the two stood awkwardly before one another with lemonade seeping into their clothes.

Kenny stood in shock as his eyes adjusted to who was wiping at the front of his tattered orange hoodie. He could feel the warmth of Kyle's hands through the front of his shirt, which sent him into some kind of disbelieving trance. When his brain was finally able to fully register what was going on the first thing he thought was that he wanted to get the fuck away from Kyle, who he was beyond shocked to have ran into, but his feet were glued firmly to the grass under his beat up old flip flops. He didn't even want to look at the man standing before him, but his curious eyes couldn't help but stay trained in awe and shock.

Kyle was wearing a beautiful white button up shirt matched with a pair of white sneakers that came up over his calves. A pair of dark and expensive looking jeans hugged his hips and thighs and his hair was tamer than Kenny had ever seen it before. He didn't know how to feel about this new Kyle. He looked so different than the person Kenny had been in love with, nothing like Kenny himself who was still just as much of a mess as he was when Kyle first left him.

He couldn't help but compare himself to the flawless looking individual before him. While Kyle's hair looked soft and silky Kenny's looked greasy and matted despite washing it out in the pond. While Kyle's clothes were clean and expensive Kenny's were filthy T-shirts and sweatpants bought from the Dollar Store. What pissed him off the most about these comparisons was realizing they were making him feel unworthy. He was beginning to feel as if it was him who should be ashamed in this awkward situation considering how well off Kyle seemed to be, but it wasn't. It was Kyle who should have been feeling inadequate after all the shit he put Kenny through. In fact, he sort of did look guilty with his hands tucked in his pockets and his lips pressed firmly together. He was just as nervous and unsure about Kenny as Kenny was of him.

It was hard for either of them to find the right words to say. They were in a very delicate situation, after all. One wrong word could send either of them into a rage and neither really wanted that.

"I'm sorry... about the lemonade." Kyle let out as he scratched behind his ear. Kenny didn't know whether to roll his eyes and walk away or pull Kyle into an embrace and burst into tears. His chest was swimming in an ocean of emotions that he was too numb to understand so he couldn't work up the courage to do either right away.

"I just can't do this right now." came the delayed response as Kenny tugged uncomfortably on his soaked T-shirt collar.

Kyle's expression became one of guilt as he cast his gaze downward. He knew full well what his presence was doing to Kenny and wanted to say something, anything he knew to help ease his obvious pain, but the only thing that came to mind was to tell him he was sorry for all he had done. Yet, he didn't know if he could apologize without stirring up excruciating feelings so he thought it best to keep his mouth closed for the time being.

He glanced back up, expecting to be once again met with Kenny's ice blue eyes, but instead only caught a glimpse of the back of his head as he disappeared in the endless sea of people. Kyle felt a wave of hopelessness suddenly crash down on him. For the first time in a long time he truly felt lost and empty. He knew that Kenny wouldn't be welcoming him back with open arms, but realizing his ex couldn't even bare through standing next to him made him understand just how much mess and destruction he had left behind and just how unlikely it was of their relationship ever being mended.

Kenny, the person he once loved and confided the most in, was now nothing more than a distant stranger.

As he slowly made his way back to his group he spent more time thinking than he should have. Everything he ever had was gone somehow. Sure he still had his degree and finding a job to root himself into wouldn't be a hard task, but it's not like he had a home to go back to. He didn't even know where he would be sleeping for sure that night. He thought he would be happier if he could fend for himself. He thought that if he could somehow make his own way in life without relying on Kenny he wouldn't be so unfulfilled. Yet, despite his fancy degree and heaps of life experience he had never felt so purposeless in his life. What's sad was knowing he really had no one but himself to blame for how he was feeling and he couldn't understand why.

"Kyle, you alright?" He heard a feminine voice ask through the fog of his thoughts. When he glanced up at the people around him he realized he had made his way back on autopilot, and Bebe continued with, "You've got something on your shirt."

"Uh, I'm actually not feeling very well." he confessed weakly while purposefully ignoring her second sentence.

Stan quickly offered to take him home to his brother's house so he could change into some dry clothes, but Kyle refused. He didn't want to ruin everyone's night just yet so he figured it wouldn't hurt to stick around for a little bit longer. The night wore on slowly and painfully for him as the rest of the group seemed to be having a great time. They rode rides, ate candy, and Craig won his kind-of-sort-of-nephew a dragon plush toy that was twice the size of the toddler it was won for.

Of course Benjamin's response to receiving such a large gift was a few minutes of bouncing up and down before happily shouting, "Thank you Uncle Gibby!"

How Benjamin managed to get Gibby out of Craig Kyle couldn't be sure, but it was cute either way. Craig wasn't the only one the easily excited little boy bestowed a nickname onto, Kyle soon noticed. Tweek had been renamed Uncle Ello, Stan had been called Uncle Vroom and almost every time Benjamin repeated his stand in uncle's nick name he would press his lips together and mimic the sound of an engine. He was a cute kid and he seemed to be the only thing that was really holding the group of adults around him together.

Stan and Cartman were a good example of that. They were not friends by any means and would go out of their way to hurt rather than help each other, but with Benjamin around, or Benji as Craig called him, they were calm and even friendly to one another. Or maybe they only behaved themselves because they knew Craig might whack them up the sides of their heads with his night stick if they caused a scene in front of Benji. Either way the night wore on, and despite precious moments that kept unfolding around him, Kyle was tired and his mind was overworked. He couldn't get Kenny out of his head and eventually his horrible feelings caught up with him and he just had to call it a day.

Ruby wasn't quite ready to leave when Kyle tapped her on the shoulder and asked to be driven home. Stan agreed to drive him back to his brother's where he could gather up his things and sleep for the night.

"So what are you planning to do now that you're back in town?" Stan asked with a contented smile as he positioned his hand on the wheel, "I mean, are you going to stay here after Ike gets better or are you going to leave again?"

"I was going to stay, but I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm sort of lost right now."

Stan glanced up at his old friend for a second before averting his eyes back to the darkened road in front of them, "Why do you say that? I thought you were happy now."

"I was… I am… I guess," He replied with a chuckle of disbelief, "But the moment I drove back into South Park everything just hit me at once I guess. Then I ran into Kenny."

"Wait, when did you see him?" Stan asked suddenly with his eyebrows scrunched together. Kyle thought it weird how merely mentioning Kenny's name could put Stan on the defensive.

"When I went to get a drink. That's why I have lemonade all over me, actually."

"Why, did he pour it on you?" Stan asked with a bit of a grin working it's way across his face.

"No! I was holding lemonade when I ran into him. We both got it on us," Kyle explained in defense of his ex before sipping on his new bottle of water, "I'm surprised he didn't cuss me out."

Stan rolled his eyes, "I'm surprised he didn't shove the cup down your throat."

Kyle didn't understand why Stan was being so harsh with Kenny, so again he defended him, "Oh come on. Kenny can have a short temper at times, but he wouldn't do something like that."

"Kyle, you don't know him anymore," Stan tried to say as delicately as possible, "I stopped hanging around him after I watched him stab a guy in the eye with a pen. It would be best for the both of you if you just forgot about him."

"What? He stabbed someone?" He asked with the upmost of skepticism.

"Dude, I'm telling you, after what happened to his family he fucking lost it. The only people he talks to besides himself are Wendy, Bebe and apparently your brother. He has an insanely short fuse and he drinks more than he ever did before... and he drank a lot after you left. He's not the same Kenny he was when you guys were living together and he isn't your boyfriend anymore. Stop defending him and just stay out of his way. Your the last person he would want to talk to anyway."

A silence fell over them as a disgruntled Kyle watched the darkness out his window. He could never picture Kenny hurting someone that badly. He had been in a few fist fights in his life, but most of which he fought defending someone and those fights had never escalated to be so violent. Kenny would never just attack someone for no reason, no matter how much he had been through, and Kyle refused to believe anything else.

Stan sighed, "Okay... Maybe that was a little harsh. It's just that you seem to be doing so well and I'm afraid that being around Kenny is going to distract you. The last thing you need is an ex that can't take care of himself hanging around."

When Stan and Kyle finally pulled into Ike's driveway the awkward tension between them seemed to have broken down a bit. Kyle assured his friend that they would go out of their way to do something together the next day, and then they exchanged a friendly embrace before Kyle slipped out of Stan's car. Still though, Kyle was flustered.

He found his brother's garage door down, which he didn't think was usual, so instead of walking in through the kitchen he walked in through the front door. Ike's living room was very dark, but Kyle could make out the form of someone sprawled out uncomfortably across the couch. Dim light that shined in from the lightbulb on the porch slipped through the cracks of the blinds and illuminated the sheet wrapped around their form as they tossed and turned on the cushions. Kyle tiptoed quietly into his brother's room, curious if Ike was the person on the couch. He cracked the door open and poked his head inside where Ike was sleeping soundly in his bed. Confused, Kyle returned to the living room and stood awkwardly next to the coffee table.

Dirty clothes were bunched up in a pile beside the couch and Kyle found himself in shock when he realized they were sticky and damp, like lemonade had been poured on them.

He stood stiff as a board while Kenny writhed under his sheets. He groaned out almost as if he was in pain and desperately tried to get comfortable in his disoriented frame of mind. Unbeknownst to Kyle Kenny was in the process of trying to poison himself, but apparently the only thing drinking antifreeze was doing was giving him a really bad stomach flu and a killer migraine.

Even though he was unaware of his ex's suicide attempt it wasn't hard to tell Kenny was in massive pain. He rolled and writhed with tears in his eyes as he clutched painfully tight to his stomach. His head wasn't working correctly either so not one truly coherent thought crossed his mind.

"Kenny?" Kyle whispered nervously as he kneeled down beside the couch. If there was one thing Stan told him that stuck in his mind it was that he was the last person Kenny would want to see, but he felt obligated to do something if someone around him wasn't feeling well.

Even if Kenny didn't want his help he was going to offer it.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asked gently through the thick air between them.

Kenny let out a pained whine as his only response, and then rolled over to face who was harassing him. He reeked of booze and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot while they peered at Kyle through the darkness.

"Kyle?" Kenny groaned out in his confused stupor, "Wh... I... Why are you in my car?"

His unwelcome pesterer sighed deeply before stating, "You've been drinking," in a disappointed tone.

"What no, no. I don't do that." He grumbled out through coughs and hacks. He couldn't help but feel as if he was supposed to be mad at someone for some reason, but his brain was pounding so hard he couldn't remember who he was supposed to be mad at let alone why.

"My stomach hurts," He complained with his eyes partially lidded and his body shaking. Kenny could only shake his head before hiccuping and mumbling out, "Where did Karen go? Is she on the fold out couch?"

"Kenny... Do you even know where we are?" Kyle asked in concern.

"At home. On Whitely. We live here remember?" came his deluded response.

Kyle felt his whole body stiffen and his heart sink to the bottom of his chest cavity when Kenny's words finally reached him. Whitely had been the street they lived on when they rented their apartment together. In Kenny's fogged mind they were still there, still a couple, and Karen was sleeping on their pull out couch like she had so many nights when she would stay with them.

Kyle's face was white and Kenny picked up on that, "We aren't on Whitely, are we?" he asked weakly as his vision began to blur.

Kyle shook his head to confirm his disoriented companion's worst fears and as he did tears worked their way out of Kenny's eyes. He reached his arms outward as if begging for an embrace before his brain had the chance to remember it was in its horribly altered state because of Kyle to begin with. The antifreeze he consumed was finally pulling him under and everything hurt so bad. He was having a hard time catching his breath and he was growing weaker and weaker by the second. Kyle wasn't sure if he should give in and give Kenny the hug he was searching for or if he should just tuck him in and let him sleep off his drunkenness, but seeing the look of devastation unfold on Kenny's face when cruel reality dawned on him made Kyle feel sympathetic and even a little guilty. Besides, it was hard to reject Kenny when water spilled over his eyes and his trembling arms were outstretched. He just looked so sad and alone.

Kyle cautiously leaned down into the embrace as Kenny sobbed quietly. His mind was still gone, just like Karen and everything else, but Kyle was there. Kenny couldn't remember how or why, but Kyle was there and he had his arms interlocked with his own. They where just as thin and lanky as Kenny remembered, and the lovely smell of Kyle's cologne comforted him as he lay dying.

"I couldn't find you," Kenny whimpered out pathetically as he buried his face in his estranged lover's shoulder, "I looked really hard, I promise I did, but I couldn't find you anywhere."

Kyle could feel his chest bubbling up with a mixture of feelings he couldn't quite decipher. He didn't have a clue what this disoriented drunk was mumbling about, but still he held Kenny back and murmured, "I know."

"You know? I tried to know, but I couldn't know. I mean... I wanted to know... I... Mean that... I don't... I lied when I said I didn't drink, I drunk a lot. Why do I lie like that?" Kenny choked out as he sobbed into Kyle's shirt.

Kyle was in a state of shock as the man who just a few hours earlier couldn't stand to see him was clinging helplessly to his shoulder blades and crying feverishly. He didn't expect for things to turn out this way and he never thought he would see Kenny so broken.

"I'm sorry." was all Kyle had to say as the other man squirmed under him in pain. Suddenly his vision gave out on him completely and his blurred picture of wavy red hair became nothing but blackness as the antifreeze took his last breath away.

The couch dissolved under him and Kyle's gentle embrace disappeared, leaving him with nothing to hold onto as he fell helplessly through the floor. A calming feeling crashed over him as his mind slowly came back. He wanted to punch himself when he remembered mumbling out shitty babble and begging Kyle to hold him. Hopefully that asshole wouldn't remember any of it when Kenny came back.

He was expecting to crash painfully into the guts of hell, but instead he just kept falling. That free fall felt nice as the wind blew his hair back and puffy material brushed kindly against his skin. Slowly the angelic sound of singing filled his eardrums and he couldn't believe his realization.

He was in heaven, but he wasn't sure how.

He wanted to absorb whatever beauty that place had to offer his immortal eyes, but just like every time before there was nothing to see. Only an endless sea of whiteness surrounded him while his bodiless soul fell eternally through the sky. Then, something rather odd happened. He felt something warm and soft reach out and wrap around his wrist. It was the hand of a woman, however Kenny couldn't understand how he knew that. Her fingers gripped him tightly as she joined him in his fall. The tighter she grabbed ahold of him the calmer and more at peace he felt. That was it, that was what he wanted. He would be content to fall forever just like he was with his hand being held by that mysterious woman. He felt safe, happy, and for the first time in years he truly felt a sense of normality. However, he knew he would wake up again soon so he did everything he could to savor his feelings before the brutal pain of waking up and living another day brought him back to harsh reality.

Then, much to Kenny's surprise, the women holding tight to his wrist whispered, "I'll keep you with me, everywhere I go."

...

"Kyle, I'm telling you what I know because I'm tired of everyone around here getting hurt," Ruby stated as Kyle worked his spatula under the edge of an omelette, "I know that you still care about him and everything, but Kenny is in a lot of pain right now and the last thing he needs is-"

"Yes, yes. The last thing he needs is me to fuck things up for him, I get it." Kyle finished in frustration. Ruby had been the second person to give him this lecture and, even though she had different reasoning behind her words than Stan, the message was still the same: stay the fuck away from Kenny McCormick you scrawny dumb-ass.

He didn't like having limits and road blocks on life, if he wanted to talk to somebody he was going to talk to them and he liked to think that Kenny was no exception. He knew they were both probably right, though. Kenny was much better off without Kyle coming around to derail him.

"You should have seen him last night, though," Kyle said sadly. "He thought we still lived together on Whitely and he started crying."

"He was drunk off his ass is why. He always gets depressed when he drinks," Ike said in a flustered tone. "Kyle, I don't think you understand what you did to him when you left. He was in really bad shape for a really long time. I'm sure he was on something pretty hard there for a while, too. He even got fired from The Car Shop because he showed up to work high. He was doing a little better for a while there, but then after what happened to our family he just hit rock bottom all over again."

Kyle couldn't help but notice Ike said 'our' family rather than 'his'. In a lot of ways the McCormick's and the Broflovski's were one family, tied together by the love of a newer generation, but there were a lot of ways that the two families were enemies as well. The hatred of the people that came before them made it hard to call their families friends, let alone one unit, and Kyle definitely didn't help close the divide when he ran away from South Park.

"Having you back may be good for me, but all it's going to do is hurt him," Ike continued as he scraped peanut butter off the bottom of the jar. "The damn fool doesn't know what it means to move on."

"I don't know how I feel about all of this." Kyle confessed weakly.

"Listen," Ruby butts in from across the table from Ike, "Your brother knows what he's talking about, so zip your lip and do what he says."

It felt weird for Ike and Ruby, whom were both much younger than him, to be barking orders at him like they were his parents. Kyle sighed heavily before leaning towards the living room door. Kenny was still laying on the couch with the back of his head peaking out from under the blanket Kyle draped over him. He rolled around in a sad attempt to get comfortable. The redhead watched his shoulders shake and the sunbeams dance in from the windows into Kenny's wheat colored hair. As he did so Kyle's heart began to throb painfully in his chest. He couldn't forget the look on Kenny's face when he realized they didn't live on Whitely anymore. He couldn't forget the hurt in his eyes when he mumbled out those painfully sad phrases that Kyle could have gone his whole life without hearing.

Or maybe he couldn't have.

Sure Kenny was under the influence when he told Kyle he had tried so hard to find him, but alcohol has always been a truth potion for Kenny in a way. It made him spew out all his inner most feelings onto the floor for everyone around him to examine and last night was no different. What did he mean when he said he tried to find him? Kenny couldn't have physically came looking for him, could he? Part of Kyle hoped he did while another part hoped he didn't. If his ex came all the way to Georgia at some point to try and find him again he would have been deeply touched, but also even more guilty than he had been already.

He didn't want Kenny's pain to fall onto his shoulders. He didn't want to spend his life knowing that this person was suffering so badly in part because of him. He knew he wasn't the only thing that caused Kenny pain, the horrible tragedy that recently destroyed his family played a huge roll in why he was the way he was, but Kyle knew the massive scars that he left on Kenny's heart only inflamed the situation.

He really didn't know he hurt him so bad.

He really didn't.

"So, are you staying with us or with Stan?" Ike interupted Kyle's thoughts. "I'm cool with you sticking around here, but you'll have to sleep on the couch again. I don't know how often Kenny is going to crash here, but this is the only place he has to go so you might be sharing the living room with him again."

"Well, the room situation is going to be a little tough, but I came back to help you, not Stan," Kyle said before scooping his omelette out of the skillet and dropping it onto his plate. "I'll probably stay over there a few nights, but I would like to stay here."

Ruby and Ike looked at one another. Ike's face shown with happiness while Ruby displayed apprehension. She loved Kyle just as much as his brother did, but she was nervous and weary now that Kenny would probably be wanting to stay over too. When you put two people together with so much history like that an explosion of emotion is inevitable.

Everything went smoothly for Kyle when the morning continued on, though. Ruby left to attend her job as a check out lady at the local grocery store and in her absence he convinced his brother to clean Karen's things out of the kitchen. He helped move all the boxes and clothes into his bedroom closet, although the task wasn't accomplished without long breaks between loads. Ike cried nearly the whole time and Kyle went out of his way to comfort his brother despite the tears he too had in his eyes. It wasn't an easy task to clear out so much stuff that once belonged to someone they loved. That in itself was quite a feat considering Ike refused to even let the items be touched since his fiancé's tragic end.

"See," Kyle urged as cheerfully as possible as he stood in the center of the kitchen, "Four people can use the table again, I actually have space to cook. It's like a completely different room now."

Ike smiled the best grin he could muster before nodding in agreement, and then mumbled out, "Thanks for helping me."

The feeling of accomplishment was soon overshadowed by a knot in Kyle's stomach. Ike went back into his room to grieve and locked the door, leaving his brother alone with Kenny. He let out a puff of air before walking into the living room, where the object of his nervousness was wide awake and playing with something fluffy and orange. He stood in the doorway, scrunching his eyes together as he tried to figure out what Kenny had in his hands. Then, when he suddenly realized what it was, he stormed across the room and yanked the plush dinosaur out of Kenny's hands.

"Did you get this from my duffle bag?" Kyle scorned in frustration to a bewildered Kenny. "What right do you think you have to go through my things?"

"Don't get your panties in a knot!" Kenny argued back. "I didn't dig very deep to find it."

"Unbelievable!" Was the reply while the redhead clutched the little toy in his fist.

"No, unbelievable is how many pairs of underwear you managed to stuff in that bag."

"You said you didn't dig very deep! My underwear is at the bottom, lying pervert!"

"Don't flatter yourself, ass wipe! I wasn't looking for your underwear! Where did that toy come from anyway? Did your new boyfriend give it to you?"

Kyle huffed and held his little orange T-Rex tightly to his chest, "No, dumb ass! Your mother gave me this on my nineteenth birthday! You were there when she bought it!"

The blond sat on the edge of the couch with his mouth gaping open as if he wanted to speak, but he had nothing to say.

"The Kenny I remember wouldn't go through other peoples things." Kyle pushed in his frustration.

"Oh yeah? Well the Kyle I remember wouldn't have packed up and left me here, so I guess we're fucking even!"

A silence fell over them as Kyle's bottom lip twitched. He snatched up his luggage bag from the floor next to the couch and strode towards the hallway door. Then, before slamming the door closed, he turned around to shout, "I like you better when you're drunk!"

Kenny sat up straight in his seat and hollard at the slammed door, "Oh yeah? Well I liked you better when you were gone!"


	4. How it Feels to Hate Yourself

Not the time to break down, Bubbl3wrapGuy, Amberr-chan and Hubajoob(love your pen name, by the way •,•) you guys are all just so amazing. Your reviews are just so well thought out and beautiful I think I'm gonna cry ;~; seriously, I feel tears!

This chapter is just as long as the last one. I know I promised it would be longer, but I'm graduating next month so I've been super busy . anyways, please enjoy this next chapter! There are some happy K2 moments to come in the next chapter. I promise that not everything is depressing as fuck -.-|'

Chapter theme: Bush - letting the cables sleep

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><p>The Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Four; How it Feels to Hate Yourself

Kenny wished he could say he was contented now that he found himself alone in his friend's living room, but he was far from it. He was angry, fuming even, when he realized Kyle was hauling his luggage somewhere deep in the house to hide it so his begrudging ex wouldn't pry through his personal belongings again. Kenny really should have been upset with himself rather than Kyle for violating his privacy, but he was too overwhelmed with feelings he couldn't handle to think that way. He couldn't actually understand why he was so furious with Kyle to begin with, let alone why he was mad in that one particular moment. He was like an irritated bull that tossed his anger every which way with little rhyme or reason behind his actions. Yes, Kyle had once abandoned him, but he wasn't the first or last to have left him by himself.

It happened so long ago its surprising Kenny even remembered the features of Kyle's face when he soaked the front of Kenny's shirt with lemonade. People are apt to stop thinking about the others they once held in such high regard maybe just a year or so beforehand. So why was Kenny so upset then? By the time he got to where he was he should have long since moved on from Kyle, even if he still loved him to some extent.

Well, sadly, things aren't always so easy. His wounds did start to heal pretty well when the trio of friends Ike, Ruby and Karen took him under their loving wings. They brought him along with them to visit Bebe and Token before he left for war and Wendy moved in to help her best friend care for the baby. He spent hours with Benjamin and a large assortment of other people he had never really talked with before. Upon making old acquaintances into friends and gaining stronger bonds with the people he already had close, he began to realize there was more out there than Kyle Broflovski. Sure, he still leaned on his bad habits to get him through the memories and some days were better than others, but he was getting better.

He was getting better thanks to his sister, anyway.

Kyle leaving was hard on her too, to some extent, considering she spent so much time with him when he was together with her brother, but she knew no one would take it as badly as Kenny did. She was right, of course. He was nothing but a babbling mess for a very long time, but, as it was mentioned before, he did start to heal. He was hired at the tobacco shop and, though by that point he had lost his home and was living with his family again, he was able to fill his gas tank on his own and help pay bills.

It was all because of Karen. She was the one to stay up with him into the dimly lit morning hours. She was the one who stayed the night with him and did anything she could to help him forget his pain when he still lived on Whitely. Even when he eventually lost his good paying job and moved in with his parents again she would sleep in bed with him like she did when she was small so he would feel less alone. His sister went above and beyond the call of duty to make sure her bigger brother was okay.

He was recuperating well.

Everyone was.

That was until his family went away, anyway. Karen was the one thing he had that held his head above water. She was his drive to keep going and keep doing better. Karen was what kept drugs out of his veins, prostitutes out of his bed and alcohol out of his system. Not only did he lose his beloved sister, but he lost his confidant, his rock and his motivation. She wasn't the only person he lost, though. His mother, his brother and his livelihood all disappeared as well while Kenny could do nothing but watch.

Kenny could do nothing.

He could remember Kevin's voice screaming their sister's name in bloody murder. Adrenaline pumped through Kenny's veins as he ran to his brother's aid. They could hear their mother panicking, but Kenny and Kevin's instincts as elder brothers wouldn't let them be distracted from their task. However, there was little that could have been done. It was too late; it was too late for all of them when the sirens finally echoed down the streets.

What hurt the most was knowing that Karen would have been sleeping soundly in bed with her fiancé if he and Kevin hadn't invited her over that night.

How did all that connect with Kenny's anger for Kyle? Well, once his family was gone he had nothing left but bittersweet memories that he was far too weak to handle alone. He could spend his time crying over the graves of his fallen kin or spitting in the face of his ex lover to relieve his tremendous stress. Kenny was the sort of man who felt crying was weakness, therefore all he had left was spitting. And spitting was something he was very good at.

Not that what he was doing was necessarily intentional.

He had only raided Kyle's bag in hopes of finding something that would help Kenny understand who the person he once loved so much had became. He was looking for letters, keepsakes, really anything that would tell him about where Kyle had been and who he had been with. He couldn't help that his curiosity got the best of him and he couldn't help that he was unable to just ask.

He wanted to know, god damn it.

When Kyle walked in on him examining that little toy he managed to get his grubby hands on he was in pout mode. It bothered him beyond comprehension to know that little dinosaur could have came from a new boyfriend or lover Kyle managed to end up with in Georgia.

He may have acted as if Kyle was the bane of his existence, and in a lot of ways he was, but at the end of the day he still had those god damned butterfly feelings tugging at his core every time the little fucker walked into the room with his tight fucking jeans and snug fitting shirts. That feeling in his stomach was stronger than ever the moment Kyle told him where that toy really came from. When Kenny realized he held onto a little piece of who they used to be, even after all this time, he found himself completely speechless as his frantically throbbing heart was ripped from his aching chest cavity.

He wished he never came to Ike's. He wished he never got drunk and that he never guzzled down that antifreeze from the garage because in that moment as he sat alone on the couch all his mind would let him remember was the night before. How Kyle hesitantly gave in and let the drunken and dying version of himself cling helplessly to him and sob as Kyle mumbled out apologies. Kenny remembered he said he was sorry, but he wasn't sure what for.

Eventually the hallway door cracked open; gaining the undivided attention of the heartbroken man sunk into the leather cushions only a few feet away. None other than Kyle Broflovski walked into the living room, sans his duffle as he pulled an open button up shirt over the tight tee covering his chest. He caught Kenny in his line of sight and immediately a frown worked its way onto his features. He was prepared for another screaming match, although he didn't want to participate.

"You leaving?" Kenny asked almost emotionlessly as he kept his watery eyes focused on the carpet under Kyle's sandals.

"Uh," The question caught him off guard. He was sure Kenny would either want to continue their fight or give him the cold shoulder the moment he reappeared, so the very timid sounding question was far from what he had expected, "Yeah. With my parents. We're going to lunch."

Kenny didn't reply, only nodded as a perplexed man watched him with worry. Kyle wanted to ask if he was alright, because something was obviously very wrong, but thought he shouldn't push his luck. So with a look of conflict plastered on his fair features he hesitantly scooted towards the front door. Kyle was still upset about his privacy being violated, but he couldn't help but feel bad when Kenny murmured, "What are you looking at? Get outta here."

…

Kyle fidgeted with the cup of water before him as he waited for his parents to arrive. He had been there for quite a while, just like he was expecting. He could imagine his mother fussing and fidgeting over every little thing while Gerald waited impatiently for her to shut the hell up and get in the car. He wanted to smile at the situation in his head, but he was far too nervous. He hadn't even so much as visited his parents since he left, let alone kept in very close contact with his mother. His palms were sweating so bad when he called them that morning the phone slipped from his hands more times than once.

The whole lunch idea had not been his, but his mother's. He tried to get out of it with any excuse that he could, but he might as well have been talking to a brick wall with an ecstatic Sheila on the other end of the line.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a particular twitchy blond making his way towards his table, which peaked his curiosity. He stared in disbelief as Tweek Tweak stood before him with a pad of paper in one hand and a pen in another. Tweek looked tired, stressed, and a little irritated as he stood by Kyle's table with a bowlegged stance. Kyle might not have thought Tweek working in a restaurant was so odd if he hadn't known him so well beforehand. Tweek wanted to be a professional boxer and, if Kyle remembered correctly, he was actually being fought over by a few company representatives. Tweek Tweak, a talented and passionate athlete, was accepting the miserable task of taking orders for minimum wage rather than pummeling opponents in a ring for millions. Thousands of people could be screaming his name, but the only voice he ever heard calling out for him was his demanding boss. Kyle couldn't understand what happened to all of those dreams and aspirations that Tweek so devotedly clung to and he was curious about what happened to them.

"Nrg, are you ready to order?" Tweek asked nervously as he clicked his pen obnoxiously in the midst of his anxiety.

"Uh, No. I'm actually waiting for a couple of people." Kyle informed his trembling waiter.

Tweek nodded stiffly and moved as if he was about to turn away, but Kyle stopped him with, "Hey! Uh… why do you do this?"

Tweek whirled around with his eyes wide and round with concern. "W-what? Do what? What am I doing? GAH!"

"I mean, why are you a waiter? I saw you in the ring during that tournament a few years ago. I thought you were an amazing boxer."

The vibrating man before him blushed deeply, and then simply replied, "I d-didn't want to leave."

"Well why? I'm sorry if I'm prying, but I've always wanted to know why you stayed here when you could have traveled the world, rich and famous while doing what you loved. What's so special about South Park that you would give all of that up?"

Tweek's eyes that once looked so concerned and unsure suddenly focused on Kyle with an unusual look of devotion before replying, "Mnh, Craig."

Kyle was taken aback by the passion in Tweek's answer and murmured out, "I don't think I would have ever given up something like that for someone else."

"Yeah, and h-how has that treated you?" came the immediate and defensive response, which somehow managed to make Kyle's mouth go dry. Tweek's eyebrows were furrowed downward, giving him a slightly mean and frustrated look as he gripped tightly to his paper pad.

When he realized the redhead seated uncomfortably before him didn't have an answer he continued with, "I would n-never give up someone else for something like t-that. N-never..." then just when Kyle thought Tweek was about to leave him in peace he added, "I do have a question for you, though."

The weary man seated stiffened up with anticipation at his waiter's words. Tweek had a look in his eyes that Kyle had never seen before and for some reason it left him looking more anxiety ridden than the quivering blond himself.

"Okay, I guess that's fair."

Tweek swallowed hard before speaking. "I've always wondered w-why you left when you had everything anyone could ever want here."

Kyle's chest burned hot at the question and again Tweek was left without a reply. It was obvious, though, that he didn't really want an answer, but rather to plant the idea in the back of Kyle's brain as he walked away.

Kyle wasn't left alone for much longer, though. What seemed like only moments after his tense conversation with an unnaturally uptight Tweek his parents came in through the front door. Sheila was fidgeting with her coat pockets while her husband scanned the quaint country styled restaurant for his eldest son. His mother suddenly started complaining loudly that the decor was too gaudy in the restaurant and Kyle, after every customer and employee heard her booming distaste from across the room, felt like crawling under his table and hiding in embarrassment. It was a little late for that though, because his father caught sight of him before he had the opportunity to dive under his table.

Sheila glided across the room with an odd and almost mechanical grace with Gerald on her heels. The closer they got to his table the stronger was Kyle's urge to get up and run for it. He loved his parents, of course, but his mother was insufferable and he had no clue what she would say to him after being away from one another for so long.

"It's been awhile, Bubby." Sheila greeted in an expecting tone as she slid into her seat. Her high red bun atop her head was just as flawless as usual with not one hair out of place. Lipstick and eye shadow lightly adorned her face and her fingernails were painted a dark red. "How was your trip? I would know if you had called me, you know."

She hadn't changed at all.

Sometimes even being in her presence was overwhelming to her eldest son. Her sharp eyes caught every flaw he had inside of him and Sheila, being the perfectionist she was, thought it was her duty as a mother to fix those imperfections. She suffocated him with the idea that they were upper class citizens and that all upper class children were required to be the very picture of perfection. It required more than Kyle was able to bare to win her love; nothing less than unadulterated flawlessness was good enough for her and flawless was definitely something Kyle was not.

"Yeah, sorry about that Mom. I was just busy, so I forgot to call." Kyle replied as he sank into his chair.

She cocked her brow, and, although it was a small motion, to Kyle it spoke volumes. Gerald decided to jump into the conversation to thin the tension in the air. Kyle loved having his dad around for that reason; he was good at defusing Sheila even when she was in the worst of moods.

"So Kyle, what are your plans now that your home again?"

"Well, I'm hoping to start working as a teacher when fall comes around. I'm probably still going to be living with Ike and Ruby, though. I want to stick around with them until Ike gets better." Kyle replied with a genuine smile.

"That's very noble of you," Gerald praised as they waited for Tweek to get back around to their table. "I know we haven't talked in a while, but I just wanted you to know that I'm proud of what your doing for your brother."

Kyle was stricken dumbfounded by the honesty in his father's tone. At least until his mother decided to chime in with her opinion on the issue that wasn't an issue until she made it one.

"Yes, but I still think you should have gone to college to be a lawyer or a doctor. Why a teacher? They don't make nearly enough money." She interupted whatever touching moment Gerald and Kyle were about to have as she eyed her son expectantly.

Kyle supressed the urge to roll his eyes as he answered, "It's not about money. I want to help kids. I want to make an impact in someone's life before they end up in a hospital or on trial."

"Like Freedom Writers." His father pointed out with a bit of a grin. "I like that."

"Well I think it's unrealistic." Sheila mumbled.

It's not like she went out of her way to put Kyle down or make him feel bad about his choices. She, just like every good mother in the world, wanted the best for her son. She wanted him to have the best quality of life with the best things money could buy, but she sometimes forgot to take in account his happiness. He found himself wishing Carol was still around as his overbearing mother picked apart his life. Sure Kenny's mom had a lot of problems and she was a junkie in more ways than one, but she loved Kyle. He thought sometimes that she loved him even more than his real mother did, even though it wasn't necessarily true.

Carol and Stuart's family really didn't know what to make of him at first. They had always known him as he grew up, but when the time came for Kenny to bring him into the picture as his boyfriend rather than just that uptight Jewish kid he hung around with they were a bit lost with what to think of him. However, the more time he spent with them the more they were taken by him. Carol absolutely adored Kyle with everything she had and, after getting to know him on a more personal level, she happily accepted him into her dysfunctional family. She loved that he was so polite and would go out of his way to clean her house for her when she was too tired to take on the tremendous task. She loved that he taught her youngest son to do well in school and she couldn't get over how happy Kenny was all the time. Although what she always loved about him the most was something she was both too proud and too ashamed to say out loud.

She was amazed by how he treated her family.

Kyle lived with well paid parents who dwelled in a house you could find on the cover of a Home and Gardens magazine. He ate big delicious meals and practically bathed in luxuries that Kenny's family had never seen the likes of. Yet, when he stepped foot into their filthy, drug infested house he didn't even so much as turn up his nose. He never looked down on them despite the way they lived and the mistakes they couldn't stop making. At times she was so overwhelmed with his compassion and empathy she had to excuse herself from the rest of the family so no one could see the tears in her eyes.

Kyle never got to tell her how much she had done for him, too. It was always the little things she did that effected Kyle the most. One time in particular when he had been helping her make lunch he spilled their only bag of flour all over the carpet. This was after he moved in with them on his eighteenth birthday and, after realizing without flour they couldn't eat, he cried. He was sure Carol would be pissed and reprimand him for making a mess of everything, but instead she got down next to him on her knees, rubbed his back, and then spoke in a soft tone he had not expected, "Don't worry about it, hun. We all make mistakes."

After hearing that one cliche phrase Kyle's eyes leaked and his heart ached as he pulled her bewildered frame into a desperate embrace. She taught him that no one was perfect, that it was okay to make mistakes, which was something his mother would never have done. That's part of the reason he ended up living in their house rather than with his parents. Well, that and the fact that his mother, after realizing how close he was getting with the McCormicks, forbid him to go back or even see Kenny again. The moment he turned eighteen Kenny, Kevin and Stuart came by with an old pick up truck, loaded all of Kyle's things in the back and took him straight home.

When news reached him of what had happened to the people who took him in as their own, despite the grudge they had with his family and how hard it was to get by without another mouth to feed, he broke down. He understood the pain Kenny felt every day because they were his family too and he missed them so much.

He missed all of them.

Finally Tweek came by to take their orders and once they received their food they ate in an awkward silence for a majority of their lunch. Small talk was exchanged, but not really much else in fear of saying something to set his mother off. It was weird being around his parents after so long, and, despite how much happened to him while he was away, he had nothing to talk about. He felt as if it was none of their business what his life was like in Georgia, and it was none of their business what he was doing with his life now.

He could tell his mother was not impressed with him even after he left Kenny, who she hated, and went away to go to college like she always wanted. He didn't leave for her, of course. He would never do anything just because his mom wanted him to, but he followed the path she wanted for him nonetheless and she still wasn't satisfied. He could tell by the crooked look in her eyes and how she kept her thin lips pursed together. She made him feel like shit and he couldn't wait for that lunch to be over so he could go spend some time with Stan and just forget everything for a while.

Eventually his parents did leave, but not before his father strode back to the table, sans his wife, to tell Kyle he was proud of all he had done and not to let his mom get the best of him.

"Thanks, dad." Kyle murmured with a weak smile. Gerald bent over to give Kyle a quick hug before hurrying to meet his wife outside.

Kyle didn't leave immediately. He pulled out all the money he had in his pocket, a grand total of thirty two dollars and seventeen cents, and slid it under his cup for Tweek. Understanding how the other man felt and why he chose the opposite path would be important later, and Kyle somehow knew that. In a way, the big tip was Kyle's way of saying thank you for giving him another perspective on their situations.

He stood outside of the restaurant for a while, just thinking about his life and why he felt like he did, when a white cop car pulled into the parking lot. It stopped and idled in the parking space closest to the building for a few minutes before its owner stepped out. Craig, dressed in casual everyday wear rather than his intimidating uniform, walked into his fiancé's place of work.

Kyle didn't think much of it at first. He was so lost in his swimming head that he barely even noticed it was Craig until he caught a glimpse of his sharp features and narrow eyes. However, all of his attention was directed towards the door when the off-duty cop strode from the restaurant with Tweek's hand in his. They looked so happy, so contented with where they were in life, as they slid into Craig's car and the engine fired up. He could see Craig move his arm and Kyle could only assume he was rubbing Tweek's knee, just as Kenny once did to him, as their car backed up and disappeared in the traffic. In that moment an overwhelming feeling bubbled up from his guts and into his chest.

He missed Kenny more than he thought he should.

...

Kyle watched as Stan jiggled his key in his front door lock. They had just got home after a pretty long day together, and all he could think was that he knew exactly what was on the other side of that wall. The outside of Stan's house looked just the same as Kyle remembered, and with Stan being a bachelor he was sure the place would be a mess. At least it always was when he and Kenny would come over every Friday night to play cards with half the town in Stan's dining room. He recalled empty beer cans piled up on almost every flat surface and cigarette smoke escaping from the large group of close knit friends; putting the rest of Stan's house in a thin fog. Almost everyone who came to play smoked, with the exemption of Kyle and Tweek, but the two non-smokers sacrificed one night a week of breathing easily for a good time with the people they cared about most. It was almost like Stan held a family reunion every week and no one was ever absent. Kyle couldn't be sure how many still came though, if anyone at all.

Finally, Stan pushed his front door open and when Kyle walked in he was pleased to see the place hadn't changed much. He still had the same old blue couch set in his living room and the same pictures hanging from the walls adorned with beer logos. They were the kind of pictures only a single man would have in his bachelor pad. He still owned the same green rug littered with cigarette burns in the middle of his floor and a Harly Davidson lava lamp bubbling on his side table. It was like stepping back in time and Kyle liked that it felt that way.

"I think this is the only place I've been since I came home that hasn't completely changed." Kyle thought aloud with a small smile on his face.

Stan offered Kyle a half hearted smile over his shoulder before confessing, "I'm bad when it comes to living in the past too much, but I can only fight the change for so long."

Kyle let his thin over shirt slip off of his shoulders before hanging it up on a hook by the front door. He couldn't help but notice the place was much cleaner than he had anticipated. Only one beer can was in the room and it was sitting atop a coaster on Stan's side table, which was a little odd considering he always had people over.

"It's cleaner than I remember, though." he commented offhandedly before wandering around the room.

"Heh, yeah. There seem to be less and less people to pick up after." Stan replied weakly as he eyed a frowning Kyle from across the room.

"What about Friday night cards? You guys still do that, right?"

Stan tilted his head towards the dining room and said, "The only person who sits around that table is me."

Kyle frowned deeply at this, but his wave of sadness didn't deter him from taking a peak into the dining room. The table was still there, along with every chair their friends once relaxed in. Each person who came to play got their own seat that Stan allowed them to scribble their names on. He only owned so many chairs, so by time the games were at their peak people were sharing seats or bringing their own. Kyle walked slowly around the table, fingering at the backs of each and every one as he passed it by and repeated the names in his head. Each one was either handwritten in black sharpie or carved into wood.

Stan's chair was fit for a king with red cushions and a high back. His name was sloppily engraved into the wooden arm rest.

Cartman's chair was nothing short of cool. He rested that fat ass of his in a director's chair and his name was custom printed on the back in bold white letters.

Wendy sat in a kitchen chair next to her boyfriend-to-be. Her name was in sharpie.

Bebe and Token shared a plastic green lawn chair. Kyle could remember Bebe leaning over the back of the seat and wrapping her arms around her future husband while he dealt out hands to the other players.

Clyde sat in a white kitchen chair between his best friends.

Craig and Tweek used an old metal fold out chair. He could still recall Tweek sitting on his boyfriend's lap as they debated over what strategies they should use.

Millie and Red, who were still to that day good friends, came next in a bean bag that left them barely able to see over the tabletop.

Butters stood on a mat rather than sitting in a chair because by the time he started joining them there was barely any room left around the table for another seat.

Kevin sat in a lawn chair like Bebe and Token had.

Karen and Ike cuddled up together on a horribly old victorian thing that came with a vanity set.

Ruby sat beside her two best friends in an inflatable purple chair her brother bought last minute.

After reading through every name in the circle he finally got to the ones he dreaded most. Kyle stopped before the most familiar chair and gulped before mumbling out, "Kenny and Kyle."

Every week they would sit in that tattered old black and blue camp chair; scrunched comfortably together while they argued over what cards to play. He almost felt tears in his eyes when he remembered how it felt to have Kenny's arm wrapped lazily around him when they munched on finger sandwiches and sipped on beer while waiting for their turn.

Was it wrong of him to want Kenny back every now and then after hurting him so bad? Would it be fair to Kenny if Kyle ever wished that things could be the way they were before? It was him who decided to leave, after all. He could never expect to be forgiven after the mess he left for Kenny to deal with by himself.

He knew his ex had some kind of feelings left for him after the drunken slob blurted out his deepest sorrows into his shoulder, but Kyle felt as if pursuing or learning more about those feelings would be somehow taking advantage of Kenny and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Suddenly he felt his heart sink deeply into his chest when he realized what he was doing. It was easier to forget he had feelings for Kenny when they were so far apart, not that he ever really stopped feeling them, but when everywhere he turned he was reminded of the past he couldn't get those feelings of longing out of his chest.

He hated himself when he realized he still had love for Kenny, but he despised himself even more when he realized how selfish he was for wanting him back.


	5. The Green Side of the Fence

Symphknot, Ai Tajiri, Amberr-Chan, Crazy88inator, flYegurl, K2ftw, Hubajoob, the-artistic-killer-pandi, Not The Time To Break Down, and A Shining Starr, thank you all so much for your reviews! I replied to as many of you as I could and I usually reply to all my reviewers as often as I can, but I've been super busy so sorry if I couldn't get back to you.

Mmmm case in point, this chapter isn't my best work. However, I haven't had a lot of free time since this story started so all my chapters have been a bit short or lacking. Shouldn't be that way for much longer.

Crown the Empire - lead me out of the dark

* * *

><p>Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter five; The Green Side of the Fence

South Park meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people. To some, the little town was nothing short of a safe haven. They found happiness and love in abundance and they looked back fondly on the memories their land had blessed them with. Tweek and Craig were two of those people. They were lucky enough to have found everything they could need early on and loved enough not to long for more, so they planted their roots firmly in place despite everything they had going against them. The same went for Wendy, Bebe and a large assortment of others. However, not everyone looked at that place as a shelter or a home. Some looked at it as a prison or their own personal hell. They had nowhere to turn to and nowhere to go so, as darkness began to fall on the sleepy town, those miserable souls were forced to face the murky blackness alone.

Kyle was one of those people. His unsure fingers trailed along the fabric of the old chair that caused him so much pain and, against his better judgment, decided to sit down. He pulled out the chair and leaned onto it with uncertainty. The thick fabric holding him up squeaked and resisted his weight against its metal frame so he allowed himself to relax. It felt so familiar when he closed his eyes and fingered the edges of the armrest's cup holders. His toes curled against the bottoms of his sandals as he scooted as far as he could to his side of the seat, leaving room for where Kenny should have been seated. With his eyes still closed he allowed the palm of his hand to feel the fabric of the empty space beside him. With his sight gone, his imagination was running wild. He swore he could smell the thick stench of cigarette smoke, and the memory of how Stan's favorite beer tasted on the tip of his tongue left him wanting to smile. Yet, no matter how much inner turmoil he was in, Kyle couldn't help but crack a defeated grin when he remembered the shocked look on Kenny's face when he watched his at-the-time lover guzzle down a whole can in seconds.

Then, much to his surprise, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind and someone's warm breath on the back of his neck. He cracked his eyes open and relocated his hands to grip at the strong embrace surrounding him.

"You okay, dude?" he heard Stan's voice ask while his super best friend kept his supportive hold on him. "You're acting weird."

"Yeah, just thinking too much I guess."

Stan didn't seem to have a reply, so they remained silent for what seemed like hours as he tried to think of the right words to say.

"I know all this is hard on you." He finally sighed out into his friend's shoulder. "Nothing about what's going on around here is easy."

Kyle scoffed at Stan's words with a chuckle before mumbling, "You're telling me."

"This is about Kenny isn't it?" Stan said so suddenly it took his friend off guard. "I mean… You've seemed really out of it since you got here, but after you run into him again-"

"No, it isn't about him." Kyle lied with the taste of venom nipping at his taste buds.

Stan pulled away from the embrace and plopped down in his own chair that was only inches away. He leaned back and rubbed at his eyes with indifference.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't think I'll ever understand you." He confessed.

"It's okay," Kyle murmured, "I don't think I will either."

...

Kenny wasn't on the couch anymore. In fact, he wasn't even in Ike's house. His eyes couldn't filter out any color, so everything looked red. He could hear, but barely. It was almost as if he was under water in the sense that every wave of sound that made it to his eardrums was distorted and muffled. The red around him only got thicker as he tried desperately to move. He sucked in for a breath of air, but instead a thin liquid slid down his throat and into his lungs, leaving him sputtering and begging for oxygen. He reached around him, but all he felt was a slick surface that he couldn't keep a hold of.

As sounds became more distinct he could make out very muffled speech. Then, loud and horrified screaming quickly followed.

A pair of thin arms covered in tight black sleeves plunged into the water and grabbed him by the shoulders. They jerked him out from the water, but he still couldn't see. He was scared and confused, unaware of what was happening to him or who was now holding him against their chest as they cried out in bloody murder. He felt as though he was dying, but it wasn't the same sweet release he had come to rely on so much. It was the most horrifying and painful thing he had ever experienced in his life.

Then, somehow, Kenny wasn't Kenny any more. He was someone else who was floating above the scene, observing whatever tragedy was taking place.

He could see himself, lying naked in a metal tub of his down thick blood. The face of the person screaming wasn't in his view, but the mop of crazy red hair atop his head was more than enough for Kenny to know who it was.

The Kenny in the tub looked straight at the Kenny floating above them. His eyes lacked color or pupils and his lips twitched as he slowly raised his shredded wrists above water. Blood gushed from them at an overwhelming rate and Kyle and floating Kenny alike could only watch in horror as the terrible red liquid began to seep out of the dying Kenny's empty eyes, nose and mouth. Kyle began tearing paper towels from the dispenser. He held big piles of them against Kenny's bleeding wrists as he cried.

Dying Kenny refused to pull his pupil-less gaze away from the specter observing from the ceiling despite how frantic Kyle was. It was as if the two people below him were in two completely different scenes when they didn't react properly with one another. It wasn't long before the tub was pouring over with red water and the person soaking inside was screaming. His mouth was gaped open and his lips moved frantically, but no sound came out. Kyle didn't even seem to notice as he sobbed noiselessly to himself.

The noise began to fade in and out of the scene in a quick pace.

"Is this what you want?" Kenny screamed from his tub to the other version of himself watching from the ceiling, the veins and tendons in his neck rising as his horrifyingly distorted voice cut through the air like the sharp end of a razor. "Is it!"

Meanwhile, Kyle walked in through the front door of his brother's home. It wasn't until around ten when he finally got back that night and he couldn't help but notice that Kenny was still on the couch. He was wrapped up in a dingy looking yellow comforter with his bare feet sticking out from under the cloth as he rolled around in an agitated way. He looked almost as if he was having a nightmare with how much he was moving around, but Kyle thought little of it when the man on the couch settled back down.

The multicolored flashing lights from Ike's muted old television left Kenny's sleeping face looking bright, yet a little sad when it got caught in the bluish tint. Kyle frowned deeply when he realized Kenny probably hadn't moved from that couch all day. He looked skinner than Kyle had ever seen before. His cheeks were sunken in along with the skin around his eyes. His lips were slightly chapped, and little scrapes and bruises littered the rough and callused skin of his hands. He wanted so badly to hit himself over the head when he caught himself thinking that Kenny might be in better shape if he stuck around to help support him. God knows he wouldn't be homeless, at least.

Suddenly, after his realization, the room felt like it was so much more than just a room. It almost seemed enchanted with the television casting out its soft glow in bursts. Kenny looked so comfortable and warm as his sleeping figure basked in the artificial light. The steady rhythm of his breathing left the thick layers of fabric encasing his tired bones rising and falling in a soothing rhythm, and it took Kyle all he had inside himself not to long to be under those same covers.

It wasn't the first time Kyle got to see Kenny in such a vulnerable, yet beautiful, stasis. He used to see it every night when they would lay down together for bed. He also saw it every morning when the bright sunbeams would stream into their little bedroom window and wake him from his sleep, but he never truly appreciated it until that moment. Kenny wasn't angry, he wasn't drunk and he wasn't hurting. Although he did look a bit agitated as if the light from the TV was bothering him, he seemed tranquil and at rest; which was something Kyle wasn't sure if he would ever see again.

He sat next to the couch with his thin legs curled up underneath him, and then laid his cheek down on the edge of the cushion Kenny was using as a pillow. Kyle felt so alone, so empty, and all he wanted was to know how to be happy again.

Somewhere in the fast pace of things Kyle lost himself. He left to find out who he was as a person, and now he knew for sure he had absolutely no idea whose body he was living in. He was dethatched from the world and he didn't like feeling as if he didn't know himself anymore. He used to know himself when he was in high school. He knew exactly what he wanted from life and why. He knew what he stood for and what was wrong and right. Not anymore though.

Kyle didn't know what it meant to make a good or right decision.

He wasn't even sure if coming back was the right thing to do. He missed his good friends and old apartment in Georgia. He missed his roommate, Ferdinand, and their little yellow cat named Stephano. He missed all the pictures and decorations they adorned their walls with. He missed his old college and the little shops his group of friends would frequent together.

It seemed that no matter where Kyle went he was always homesick. If he was in Georgia he missed his life in Colorado, and when he was in Colorado he missed his life in Georgia. He didn't belong anywhere and he didn't have one place he could call home.

That was a product of his bad decision making, he was sure.

He softly folded his hesitant hand into the palm of Kenny's limp one. He didn't know how to feel about anything. No matter what thoughts crossed his mind they always left him confused and he couldn't stand it. He tucked his face into the side of Kenny's makeshift pillow and bit his bottom lip. He couldn't understand why everything seemed so distant and hard. Kenny was one of many things that were troubling him, simply because they were right next to each other, yet Kenny was so far in the distance Kyle had no hope of catching up with him again.

He could feel the other man's warmth as he used his right hand to wrap his ex's unresponsive fingers around his trembling left one. Kyle swallowed hard in a sorry attempt to keep him from tearing up while Kenny finally awoke from his mentally crippling night-terror.

"Kyle?" The disoriented blond wasn't sure if he was still trapped in his mind numbing dream, or if he had woken when he caught the blurred image of curly red hair caught in a blue glow. On instinct he squeezed the hands caressing his own tightly for reassurance. It took everything he had not to launch from the couch and cling to Kyle's slender frame in fear.

Kyle stopped trembling completely and froze in embarrassment when he lifted his eyes, only to be met with Kenny's slightly cracked ones.

"What's the matter?" Kenny asked with his eyes widening and his shoulders shaking. His speech was slurred from the booze he inhaled earlier, and he still wasn't happy with Kyle, but he was so shocked to wake up in a position that oddly reminded him of his eerie dreaming that he couldn't think of a witty remark. Even if he could he probably wouldn't have said it. The person clinging to his hand looked on the verge of tears and it was hard for Kenny to kick people when they're down; especially people he still cared about, even though sometimes he thought shouldn't care at all.

"You smell like beer." Kyle commented with his eyes half lidded.

"Mm, yes." was the only reply he got from the disoriented and buzzed man laying before him.

He wanted to be angry when he realized Kenny had been drinking again, but stopped himself before he could start any fussing over it. Kyle blinked whatever water had been forming in his eyes away, and, after a moment of contemplation, he mumbled, "Do you ever feel like you're dying?"

Kenny's expression did not change as the television glow danced across his tired features. Yet, he gulped deeply as a feeling of uneasiness rolled in his gut. He didn't want to humor Kyle. He didn't even want to dignify such a ridiculous question with such an obvious answer, but, for some reason, he did anyway.

"Yeah, every day."

Kyle's expression changed to one of sadness, but it was hard for Kenny to see it very well since the T.V. glowed brightly behind him.

"Why are you even talking to me?" Kenny finally asked as he stared at their linked hands. "You're supposed to be mad, remember? I went through your stuff."

"But I'm not mad." Kyle groaned and let out a small puff of air before letting his head fall back onto the cushion Kenny was also trying to use. The redhead was so close Kenny could smell his coconut shampoo. It smelled just like he had remembered, and he couldn't fathom what merciful god would allow him to be tortured like this.

He shouldn't have allowed Kyle to be so close to him. After all he had been through he should have been stronger than that. He shouldn't have allowed this person that had caused him so much pain to lay there and hold his hand. What right did he have to seek comfort in Kenny? He couldn't just do that. There were very distinct lines and boundaries that Kyle should have known not to cross, and Kenny could feel himself getting more and more upset the more he thought about it.

However, when he felt Kyle unwind his fingers from his own to pull away Kenny did not loosen his grip.

"Please, don't leave me." He sputtered out with little thought as his eyes darted around the black shadows behind Ike's television.

He regretted that phrase the moment it slipped from his lips. He sounded like a frightened child rather than a twenty four year old man, which left him feeling beyond humiliated as Kyle raised a brow at him.

"I... I have nightmares." He explained while making sure to look away from Kyle's confused eyes as he did so.

"Well then, move over," came the immediate response as Kyle bent over the couch like he was going to crawl on top of the person already resting there.

"W-what?" He asked in confusion and shock as Kyle lifted the blanket to slip underneath with his free hand.

"Do you want me to stay or not?" Kyle asked, suddenly sounding much more confident in himself than he had just a few moments earlier. "I'm going to the other couch if you're expecting me to sleep on the floor."

Kenny blinked for a moment, and then very hesitantly scooted towards the back of the couch to make room for Kyle. Once a space was cleared for him he slipped off his shoes and over shirt, then slid under the blankets next to Kenny. Since they were laying down for bed Kyle made sure to flip off the television before settling in. They were both rather stiff and uncomfortable wrapped up under the same blanket so closely, but Kenny felt safer knowing he wasn't alone and Kyle's weary mind was put at ease.

They laid there awkwardly as they tried to share the little room the couch offered without rubbing up against one another, but it was easier said than done. Every time either man tried to situate themselves to get more comfortable their legs would collide or their shoulders would brush against each other. However, Kenny still refused to let go of Kyle's hand.

Kenny wished he minded when he felt his ex so close to him. He wished he could be revolted by the very idea of sharing a blanket with him, but he wasn't. He missed the way it felt to have Kyle sleep next to him, even though he hated admitting it to himself. He couldn't help it though; no matter how furious he was he couldn't ignore the need to have another human being close. Despite the small group of people Kenny had that tried their best to support him he felt like he didn't truly have a friend in the world. Its true that he would do anything for Ike and Ruby, and both Wendy and Bebe would go out of their way to make sure he was alright, but he never spent any time with them. They cared deeply for him, but he didn't feel as though they loved him. Kyle probably didn't love him either; or at least that's what he thought. Surely if he had he wouldn't have left in the first place, but it was somehow a reassuring surprise when Kyle told him to scoot over.

They laid in the stillness for what seemed like hours until Kyle finally asked, "Are you going to let go of my hand?"

"Mhn, no." Kenny grumbled.

"Why not? It's getting sweaty." He complained.

"Because I don't trust you." He replied in irritation on the edge of sleep. "You said you would stay so I'm not waking up alone again."

"You think I'll leave? Where else would I go?"

"You didn't have a problem finding somewhere else to go last time." Kenny mumbled as he began to fall asleep. "I don't believe that you'll be here in the morning."

Kyle let his eyes close as he squeezed Kenny's hand and while they both finally began to fall asleep he murmured, "I won't leave. I promise."

Kyle didn't wake up until the next morning when the sun shined in through the windows and irritated his sleeping eyes. He was laying on his side and his face was pressed against some sort of orange fabric. He tried to sit up, but he felt something soft and warm hold him down into the cushions. He rolled around under his blankets until he remembered where he was. He pawed at what was wrapped around his waist and blushed deeply when he realized his face was pressed into a sleeping man's chest.

"Kenny." Kyle coaxed cautiously as he wiggled uncomfortably. "You're squeezing me."

Only the soothing sound of the other man's breathing answered him, so he glanced up at his face. He looked relaxed and pleasant with a little smile spread across his lips. It was the first smile Kyle had seen on him since he came back, and he definitely wasn't being haunted by any horrifying dreams like he had been the night before. In fact, he looked like his dreams were comforting and Kyle regrettably didn't have the heart to wake him up. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep despite not being tired at all. It sort of felt nice to have someone so familiar so close. Being in Kenny's arms again somehow felt right; like that was the way it was supposed to be. Against his better judgement he nestled his head deeper into Kenny's parka and lazily draped his arm around him. He could feel the heat radiating from the body he was being held so comfortably against. The cloth encasing them trapped all of their beautiful warmth inside their covers. For the first time in a long time all of Kyle's troubles didn't seem so big anymore. He didn't feel lonely or distant, but instead satisfied and at peace. At least he did until someone ripped their blanket away from them. Kenny jerked in surprise and flailed his arms in confusion as Ruby stood over them with a shocked expression on her face.

"Get up." She commanded, her look suddenly sharp and forceful as she gripped the comforter. "It's Monday, Kenny. Last I heard you have work in an hour."

Kenny rubbed his eyes, still not having registered someone was pressed up against him, and then sat up after casually untangling himself from Kyle's limbs. Ruby dropped the blanket on the floor, and then practically stormed out of the living room with fire in her eyes.

"God damn," Kenny let out. "What crawled up her ass?"

"She's probably mad at me." Kyle explained from where he was still laying on the couch. "She and Ike both made it clear they didn't want me anywhere near you."

The blond cocked his brow before rubbing the sleep from his eyes and murmuring, "Why? Do they think I'm dangerous or something?"

"No. They think I'm dangerous."

Kenny conjured up a grin before saying, "So they're looking out for me instead of you, then? That's interesting."

"No, it's bad. Now Ruby's pissed at me because you wanted me to sleep with you."

"Hey, hey, hey. I asked you not to leave, crawling in bed with me was totally on you."

"So? You started it either way!" Kyle argued in frustration.

"Oh hell no." Kenny shouted, albeit a mischievous grin was still spread across his face. "You were all over me when I woke up!"

"What?" Kyle shrieked. "I was not all over you! I was holding your hand, not straddling you!"

After Kyle's correction the both of them fell silent with red adorning their cheeks.

"... Why were you doing that, anyway?" Kenny asked, suddenly sounding a lot more vulnerable then he had just a few moments earlier.

The redhead felt his face flush a deeper red before answering, "Well, I don't know. I was at Stan's house and he still had our chair... and it sort of hurt a little when he said no one came to play cards anymore."

"So you creeped on me in my sleep?" Kenny questioned. "That hardly makes sense."

"Well... he still had our chair. You know, the camper seat we shared. It made me miss you."

Kenny felt his cheeks burn hot, so he averted his gaze away before dismissing himself to get ready for work.

...

Craig pushed through the door of the local tobacco shop with Tweek trailing behind him. The spazzy blond balanced Benjamin on his thin hip as he stopped in his tracks to investigate their new environment. He had never been in this store considering he never smoked a cigarette in his life and his fiancé hadn't touched the likes of tobacco in years. It looked pretty clean, but a display case filled with what looked like bongs made him feel uneasy. A big sign on the front of the case claimed the pipes were for tobacco use only, but considering how many of them Craig had confiscated over the years Tweek knew that wasn't what they were usually bought for. He didn't know if the place was child friendly either, although he was willing to bet it wasn't. Nonetheless, he didn't want Craig to come in here by himself and there was no way he was leaving Benji alone in the car. The three year old tugged on the front of Tweek's shirt, absolutely fascinated with it for whatever reason, as Tweek timidly sprinted up to Craig.

Kenny was behind the front counter; just like he usually was every day of the work week. Not that either Craig or Tweek knew that until they walked in. He didn't look as tired as usual, but he still didn't look completely there either. When Craig addressed him he jumped as if he didn't even realize they were there, which was concerning for Tweek. He liked Kenny. Even if the guy was a little crazy he still liked his. He felt the man just got dealt a bad hand in life and deserved a break. Craig would disagree with him, but he didn't really care.

The man manning the register gave the couple a weird look, and then rubbed at his bright blue eyes as if he was seeing things. "What can I do for you?"

Craig looked embarrassed as he scratched the back of his neck and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He was humiliated to be buying cigarettes from Kenny McCormick of all people. He was Craig Tucker, the able-minded and strong willed cop that kept many families afloat. Fuck it, Craig kept that whole damn town afloat. He was supposed to be setting an example, but it was only tobacco. It's not like he was buying drugs off the street or anything.

"I need a box of lights. Don't care what brand." He said as he rubbed the side of his pants. Tweek watched him with concern as he raked his hand through his slick black hair. He usually got that way every Monday since the incident, and Tweek couldn't help but feel for him. That didn't really change the fact that he didn't want to be there, though. He loved Craig and he understood that he was having a really hard time. However, he absolutely hated tobacco with everything he had. He didn't like the idea of Craig starting again, either. It had been the core of many arguments over the past few months, but eventually Tweek just couldn't take the fighting anymore and gave in.

"I thought you quit, though." Kenny pointed out from across the counter as if he had been reading Tweek's mind. "When did you start again?"

"When my partner died." He admitted sharply as his piercing eyes nearly drilled a hole through the cashier's head.

Kenny's expression changed tenfold. Tweek was sure he was about to cry at the mention of Craig's old partner on the police force, who also happened to be Kenny's brother, but he turned around to sift through the large assortment of cigarettes lining the wall behind him to distract himself. Noticing how much distress his fiancé was in, Tweek inched closer and gently bumped his head into Craig's shoulder. The taller man sighed and wrapped his arm around the person standing next to him as they waited for the clerk.

Kenny couldn't say that he hated Craig and Tweek. In fact, he sort of had a soft spot for the twitchier of the two, but usually when he saw them together memories and feelings he didn't like flooded his mind. It didn't bother him as badly that day, though. He couldn't fathom why at first, but he figured it probably had something to do with waking up with Kyle.

"Uncle Ken?" Benjamin asked with his squeaky little voice when he caught sight of Kenny's face.

He smiled over the counter at the small boy Tweek was clinging to before exchanging Craig's money for a pack.

"How have you been, little monster?" Kenny asked with a nostalgic smile. He really missed that little boy, but after his assault charge was filed Craig made sure he had as little contact with him as possible. He couldn't say he blamed him, though. Craig was always the overprotective type, and Kenny was less than a good role model now-a-days.

"Good!" Benji chatted ecstatically despite the dark glare Craig was shooting Kenny's way. "Uncle Gibby and Uncle Ello are takin' me fishin' tomorrow. Uncle Gibby promised he'd teach me to catch fishes."

"Well that's really nice of him. I used to go to the lake with your Uncle Gibby, he's quite the fisherman." Kenny replied. He didn't mention that Tweek actually used to come along too, along with Kevin and Kyle. They were all pretty good friends back then. Remembering the way the water felt on his toes made him wish to go back to that place. He had to force himself not to laugh when he remembered Kyle catching fish with nothing but his toes. The look on Tweek's face when Kyle yanked his foot from the water with a wiggling fish attached to his big toe was priceless. He found himself clinging to those kind of memories, even though they tended to do nothing but make him upset.

"I think it's time we get going." Tweek said to the little one latched onto his side. "Uncle Ello's gotta get ready for work."

Benji nodded in agreement, but before they turned to leave the little boy said, "I miss you Uncle Ken! You got to come play trucks with me again, Kay?"

…

"I want to talk." Kenny finally mumbled through the stillness of his therapist's office.

Dr. Gloveland's eyes went wide with disbelief. They had been sitting in silence for quite some time as he went over his paperwork, confident Kenny would again refuse to speak to him, so his patient's sudden desire for communication sent him into a small state of shock. In all honesty, Kenny didn't want to talk at all, but rather he felt like he had no choice. He needed another perspective on his situation and he had no one else to go to.

"About what?" He asked as he leaned back in his chair. He spoke in short and easy to understand sentences as not to make Kenny feel any more uneasy and regress.

"My ex is back in town." He mumbled as if he was in some sort of haze.

The doctor could tell by Kenny's body language that he was under a lot of stress. He was rocking back and forward very slightly, he rubbed his index fingers with his thumbs and he couldn't make eye contact; all reactions to extreme anxiety that Dr. Gloveland had no problem picking up on, no matter how subtle they may have been.

"Okay," the doctor coaxed as gently as possible, "What's her name?"

"His name is Kyle." Kenny corrected before clearing his throat. Gloveland didn't even bat an eye at the realization his patient was once with another man, which gave Kenny the self-assurance to continue. "He left me a long time ago. I mean, he never really even told me why. He just said that he needed to 'find himself' or something. I don't know. It's just hard now that he's suddenly back again."

Kenny looked at him expectedly; as if he should have had something to say by that point. The doctor wanted to speak, but he knew if he were to say too much or utter the wrong words Kenny might have shut down completely and they would be right back to square one. So, they sat in quietness as Gloveland waited for his patient to continue.

Once Kenny realized he was waiting for more he grumbled out, "I just don't know how to handle it all, I guess. I'm sort of staying at his brother's house every other night so I don't have to sleep in my car so often and that's where he's living now. I don't know what to think. It makes me feel things I don't want to when I see him walking through the house."

"What are you feeling that you don't want to?" came the curious response.

"I don't know... He just reminds me of how everything was… I guess. You know, how it felt when I was…" He stopped himself when he realized what he was saying. Kenny was doing his best to decipher what he felt inside, but he was more used to running from his issues than he was at confronting them. Besides, this was the first time he attempted to have a serious conversation about the way he felt since before the incident, and it was really hard for him to understand he was allowed to have the feelings he did.

"Since you were…" The therapist urged him on softly as he began to lean forward in his seat.

Kenny felt like crying. The urge came out of nowhere as water pooled into tears at the edge of his eyes. He was embarrassed by that point. He felt weak, helpless, dirty, and worthless. No one needed to hear his problems and he was stuck on the idea that he shouldn't burden others with them. Yet, the right word was right on the tip of his tongue. It slipped out from between his teeth before he had the chance to think about it.

"Happy." He mumbled so quietly the doctor had almost missed it.

"He reminds you of when you were happy." Gloveland repeated the phrase in a kind and assuring tone to help Kenny form the idea in his head. "I think that's a step in the right direction."

"How do you figure?" Kenny muttered out, still unsure of sharing his feelings so verbally. "All it does is hurt."

"Well, if he reminded you then you must have forgotten." Kenny could only blink in slight shock as Dr. Gloveland continued. "Even though it hurts now, being able to remember how it felt could be your first step to feeling it again."

Kenny leaned forward in his cushioned chair and raked his aching fingers through his dirty hair. "Well fuck."


	6. Her Beautiful Misery

Hello again all my awesome readers! Let's start off like we do every week, shall we?

Crazy88inator, BubbleG00se , flYegurl, Bubbl3wrapGuy, It's All History , Not The Time To Breakdown , DrumerKyd , A Shining Starr , Ai Tajiri. Thank you guys all so much for your amazing reviews! If it wasn't for all your feedback this wouldn't be nearly as fun.

I also have a couple very special shout outs for this chapter. I want to thank my beta and very close friend, Amberr-Lynn, for betaing every chapter of this story so far. You guys, this lady taught me just about everything I know when it comes to sentence structure and proper dialogue. My stories would not be nearly as clean and professional if it wasn't for her so she deserves all the praise and credit I can give her for that.

Also, one of my reviewers told me that this week was their birthday! So, Not The Time To Breakdown, think of this chapter as a birthday gift :D

Ah, this chapter has a lot to do with Ruby, but the next will go more in depth about Kenny and KyleHAPPY READING!

Chapter theme: Sia - Breathe Me

* * *

><p><em>The Walls Became Fuel<em>

_Chapter six; Her Beautiful Misery_

Ruby stood at the counter as she chopped away at a carrot. Ike sat on the other side of the room at the dinner table while his eyes scanned through Karen's diary as if it was the gospel. He only stopped reading when he had to go to work or his eyes got so tired he couldn't hold them open anymore. She had written a new entry every day, and Ike just couldn't put it down. He understood why it was so hard for Kenny to give up his sister's journal. That book was like a window into Karen's soul. Reading it made Ike feel like she was still there; as if she was speaking directly to him rather than him reading words off of paper. He swore that if he concentrated enough he could hear her soft voice narrating each and every word in his mind. It was addicting, in a way. He was like a teenage boy who became obsessed with a game that portrayed his deepest fantasies.

As Ike was engulfed with his precious book, the little bracelet around Ruby's wrist jingled as she finished up chopping her carrots. She cooked nearly four times a week since she had been living with Ike, which was something she never really did before. She liked to cook, but her parents would never let her. They always said they would rather not risk their house being burned to the ground. Nonetheless, it turned out she was actually pretty good at it. And now that she lived in a full house as a fellow breadwinner it was almost required that they have group meals. She was sure if she didn't make them nutritious food they would be at McDonalds or picking through their cabinets for junk food. And to Ruby only the best was good enough for her boys. Even when she was upset with them, like she was with Kyle that day after catching him asleep with Kenny, she still felt obliged to look out for them. They really were the only remnants of a family she had left, after all, no matter how awkward or dysfunctional they were.

"You doing okay, Ike?" Ruby asked as she cleared room to chop onions. "You haven't talked much this morning."

"Hmm?" He murmured out, lost deep in the recesses of his own mind. "Oh, yeah… I'm alright."

She turned to look at him, and then sighed out in frustration when she realized he still had his nose stuck in that diary. She couldn't say she blamed him for being so absorbed by it. Karen's death had affected her in many ways, too. They were best friends since preschool, after all. Karen had helped her through so much in life she would have literally died without her. It was hard to think such a sweet and kindhearted person would be taken before someone like Ruby. Not that she was a bad person; she was just never a very good one, either.

She tormented her older brother in cruel and unusual ways as if it were a game; like snitching on him when she walked in on something she really wasn't supposed to see. He was only a sophomore in high school then, and one could only imagine the horror in his eyes when his little sister bolted from his door after catching him in a very inappropriate and intimate situation with Tweek Tweak. She could remember him leaping from his bed with his pants around his knees, only to end up with his face smashed flat into the carpet. The rest of Craig's high school years consisted of sneaking out until the early hours of the morning just so he could see his boyfriend outside of school and slipping in forbidden late night calls to the twitchy little thing. Tweek was going through a tremendous amount of emotional trauma those days, and he treated Craig as if his presence was required at all times to even be able to breathe without choking on air. Therefore, the extreme restrictions Ruby caused that limited the two from communication took a hefty toll on the boy. Ruby didn't know that though, and she probably never would.

She had always said Craig and Tweek would never make it, that they would only last for a few months or that it was all just a phase. Yet there they were, going on nine years later, and Craig and Tweek were just as passionate about their relationship as they were when they were fifteen. Ruby could honestly say that she was happy they proved her wrong. Craig and Tweek were still together, and she was proud that they were getting married. It was unbelievable that they actually invited her to the wedding, considering she made his life as horrible as she could for the majority of her life. She knew he never truly forgave her for all she put both him and his boyfriend through.

Craig wasn't the only one in their family who she targeted, though. She egged on her father's bad behaviors and even slapped her mother in the face when she would say something Ruby didn't want to hear. She was a spoiled brat while Karen was the holiest of angels, and she hated that it used to be that way. She didn't even know why Karen and Ike cared about her so much considering how bad of a friend she was. Ruby was controlling and hateful at times, but her best friends always came through for her; no matter how much bullshit she put them through.

It was a horrible feeling knowing that it took the death of her best friend to change her for the better. Standing up for Craig and his long time boyfriend was actually the first nice thing she had ever done for him and all because she realized he wasn't always going to be there. It costed her a heavy toll to stand up and nearly get in a physical fight with her father. She lost her whole family that day, including her mother and grandparents. The whole lot of them were nothing but homophobes so the moment she shot up in front of her father and told him that there was nothing wrong with her brother's relationship she was cast out from the family completely; just as Craig had been. However, no matter how hefty the price, She didn't want her or Craig's life to be cut short with so many things left unsaid and so many apologies left dangling from her lips by a string.

Those apologies had still yet to be said.

As time ticked on she never heard a thank you for what she had done in her brother's defense, but she wasn't expecting one. Her relationship with Craig was not a loving one. That wasn't Craig's fault, though. He really did try for a very long time to get along with her, but for some reason she never returned the effort. All she ever did was hurt him, but she was determined to change that and repair whatever damage she had caused to their relationship in the past if at all possible.

It might have been easier on her if she just talked to him about how she felt, but Ruby was never one to show emotion. Being raised just as her elder brother was, crying was weakness and weakness wasn't tolerated. Ruby couldn't remember the last time she allowed her feelings to really shine through without being reprimanded just for feeling them.

She didn't even cry at the McCormick family's funeral.

Three people she had known all her life were laying before her, motionless, lifeless, and empty, but she couldn't force herself to shed a single tear. It's not that she didn't want to cry or that she didn't feel anything at all, but rather she just didn't know how. She had packed all her feelings inside for so long she honestly just didn't know how to let them out. Even when she approached Karen to say her final goodbyes Ruby's face was blank and void of any feeling.

Everyone who showed up was in such pain, mourning and sobbing over the loss of their best friends and family. Ike was on his knees, screaming and crying as Kenny tried to comfort him in his misery. That, of course, was only moments before Ike flipped his shit and said the most horrible and uncalled for insults Ruby had never expected him to say. That, however, is a story for another time.

Craig was there as well with Tweek faithfully by his side, as always, but siblings tend to be just alike.

He didn't cry either.

Not a single tear dropped down his cheeks as he watched the best friend he ever had lower into the ground. Kevin was his friend, the partner that always had his back, the only person he had left besides Tweek, and he was gone forever. She thought with all the stress her brother was going through, with Clyde and Token serving in the war and having no real family left to speak of, he would break down at the sight before him. He didn't though, and she knew she shouldn't have been surprised.

"Fuck, Kenny! How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my god damn things?" Kyle screamed from the living room, which startled Ruby so badly she almost missed the onion and chopped off her finger.

"I didn't go through your shit, dumbass! I don't even know where you hid it!"

They had been going at it since Kenny came home from work just about an hour earlier, and she and Ike were both growing tired of the constant yelling.

"Damn, could those two just stop for two fucking minutes?" She fumed under her breath.

"I think that would be too much to ask for." Ike replied with a bit of an uncaring sigh.

"Why are you so indifferent about all this?" She replied in frustration before mixing her ingredients in a large bowl. "They fight like this all damn day, but they were all tangled up on the same couch this morning. It doesn't make any sense."

Ike shrugged before saying, "I don't know. I wish I could decide what they do, because I know I would spare them a lot of pain and fighting, but they're both grown men. We have our own problems to worry about, and they have to make their own mistakes."

"Okay, I know what you mean." Ruby sighed as she continued to prepare vegetable soup. "I thought Kenny hated Kyle, though. He barely came around before, but now he's been sleeping here every night since Kyle's been back. It's fishy, if you ask me."

Ike shook his head, although he still hadn't taken his eyes off of the pages before him. "Kenny sticks around _because_ this is where Kyle is. I guarantee it. If my brother decided to live with Stan Kenny would be over there right now pestering him instead of us."

"That can't be healthy." She grumbled.

"Hmn, nothing human beings do is healthy." He murmured ironically as he flipped to the next page in Karen's diary. Goblin and Tamara lay under Ike's feet as he rubbed his forehead with distress. Both dogs could feel their master's anxiety, so they whimpered and pawed at his feet as he tried to read.

"Maybe it's time you give that a rest, hu?" Ruby coaxed with worry.

"I can't." He replied before swallowing the water in his mouth. "It's too hard to."

"Well, you're going to put the damn thing down when we eat. Kyle and Kenny aren't sitting next to each other, either. With how they've been arguing I'm afraid someone is going to flip the dinner table."

She lifted the bowl of ingredients and made her way to the stove, but before she had the chance to place the pot safely on the burner the kitchen door burst open with a loud bang. The sudden crash startled everyone in the kitchen, including Goblin and Tamara. The two huge dogs jumped in surprise and bolted for the door, sending Ruby plummeting onto the floor as they shoved past her. Her whole pot of uncooked soup came along with her, leaving her clothes and hair covered in bits and pieces of carrots and other vegetables. She screeched in fury after the initial shock wore off, and then snapped her head in the direction of the door. Two rather awkward looking individuals stood in the doorframe. Kyle wore a horrified expression, but Kenny hid his terror behind a messy poker face as the furious woman on the floor fumed.

"Kenny! Kyle!" She screamed as her face turned red. Her voice was low and filled with absolute disdain as she eyed the boys in the door way.

After hearing just how livid she really was, Kenny put his arm over a confused Kyle's chest, backed both himself and Kyle away slowly, and closed the door ever so gently. He did this all while keeping his relatively blank expression, which for some reason sent Ike into a loud bout of laughter, much to Ruby's frustration.

"Get in here you two!" She barked like an angry mother.

The door cracked open timidly, and both Kyle and Kenny stood before her once she scraped herself up off the floor. Ike tried not to laugh at the humiliated looks on their faces as Ruby picked bits of food out of her auburn hair. They knew they were in trouble, and it definitely showed in their expressions.

"You caused this mess, so you're going to have to clean it up, and then run to the store to get me some more god damned vegetables!"

With little to no thought both men fell to their knees and scrapped the floor clean. Ruby didn't play around, and the both of them would rather not get smacked upside the head with a crock pot. Ike shook his head with a small grin, happy Ruby's fury wasn't being directed at him, and returned to his reading. He was glad to have both Kyle and Kenny back. Things felt a little more normal to him having the both of them around again, no matter how much they fought with each other. He didn't know if it was good for their health to constantly be in one another's company, but it was definitely helping him keep his spirits up. Kenny wasn't moping around like he always used to either, albeit that was probably because he was too busy arguing to think about anything besides petty grudges.

…

The car ride to the grocery store was beyond awkward.

Not a single word was exchanged as Kyle watched trees go by out of the passenger-side window and Kenny kept his eyes trained on the road in front of them. Ruby was crammed in the back seat with all of Kenny's worldly possessions. She had planned to make them go by themselves so that she could take a few minutes to relax before starting dinner over, but she couldn't trust them to go to the grocery by themselves. She was sure they would bring home the wrong food, if any at all. Or worse, someone would come home missing an eye.

Therefore, she was stuffed into Kenny's backseat. Her eyes scanned the floor around her feet, which was covered in dirty clothes and personal hygiene products, with a frown on her face. She couldn't believe he lived in this tiny little space. It was hard to fathom how such a capable and responsible individual could let his life go that far in the wrong direction. Yet, she somehow understood.

Determined to distract herself, she watched the back of Kyle's head intensely as if he had a television strapped to his cranium. He was looking out the window, and Kenny was staring straight ahead. Yet, the blond man turned his attention for just a moment to glance at the person in his passenger seat. It looked almost as if he wanted desperately to say something. However, he said nothing at all. Instead a defeated sigh slipped past his tight lips, and then quickly turned his interest back to the road.

Ruby couldn't help but shake her head at how pathetic the people sitting in front of her were. It was beyond obvious that they both still had feelings for each other, even after being separated for so long. If that wasn't the case she knew they wouldn't have been sleeping on the same fucking couch all tangled up with each other like they were that morning. She honestly didn't know what to think when she yanked off Kenny's sheets to find Kyle curled up underneath as well. It didn't take long, though, for anger and frustration to set in. Her and Ike told Kyle to just leave Kenny alone. They fucking told him that all rekindling their relationship would do was hurt Kenny in the end, but did the little bastard listen to her? Of course not. Kenny was always the one who got burned in the end.

She didn't like that it was that way.

When Ruby looked at him with his crooked little grin and big blue eyes all she really saw was Karen, who had those same trademark McCormick features. She probably favored him for that reason, but the responsibility she felt for him when Karen wasn't around to keep her eye on him explained that pretty well, too.

The car came to a stop, and everyone inside pushed their way out of the vehicle before walking up the dark black asphalt. It was evening time, probably around six or seven o'clock, when they finally got there so the bright sky had slowly began to fade into a pastel painting of dark and beautiful blues and purples. Kenny took a passing glance at its colors, but he had watched the sun gently fall in the sky so many times before from the windows of his Toyota Supra that the sight no longer held any beauty in his eyes. Kyle, however, kept his sights trained on the glowing radiance of the evening sky until the grocery store ceiling kept it from his view.

Ruby pulled the boys to her favorite aisle. It was a little section a few feet past aisle ten, which housed a large assortment of cereal options. Her favorite aisle, of course, was where the organic food was kept. Kyle seemed content with the idea of fresh food. Kenny, however, turned up his nose at it.

"Ruby?" a very feminine and excited voice suddenly asked from behind the trio. All three turned only to be greeted by a couple of friends. Bebe waved at them, being the one who called for Ruby, with a smile on her face. Wendy stood beside her, but she looked too preoccupied with her little basket of groceries to offer a proper hello.

"Hey you two." Ruby replied as she held a head of cabbage in her hands. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing much, really, just came down to the store to get some junk food and ran into you guys." Bebe said with a smile.

She then turned her attention to Kenny and asked with genuine friendliness and curiosity, "Well hey there, Ken. It's been a while since we last talked. What have you been up to?"

He shuffled his feet awkwardly, shocked to have been so casually addressed, before mumbling out, "Nothing much, really. Work, that's about it. Thanks for washing my clothes by the way."

"Hey, no need to thank me. It's what friends do for each other after all."

Kenny couldn't keep himself from smiling an especially small, but very real smile. "So where's the little monster tonight?"

"Oh! He's with his Uncles Gibby and Ello. They took him on a little fishing trip." After her friendly chatting with Kenny, she moved on to Kyle.

Kyle could tell he was being stared at oddly, and once Wendy was involved in the conversation she was giving the same excited look. Their lips were folded into little mischievous smiles and they were far giddier than he thought they should have been. Kenny seemed to notice too, considering the confused glance she shot Kyle's way, but all he could do was shrug back in confusion.

"So, Kyle." Bebe started as she shifted her weight to her heels. "What have you been doing since you've been home? I bet you've been going out a lot."

"Actually, I haven't really done too much of anything." He confessed as he scratched the back of his head.

"Oh really?" Wendy asked, her smile growing.

"Okay, what's going on here?" Kyle finally asked with a nervous smile. "You two are acting like you're up to something."

They both broke out into a little bout of laughter before Wendy replied with, "Okay, so we have somebody that we think you should meet."

Kyle's face distorted in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Okay! So listen…" Bebe explained in an ecstatic tone, "My cousin just moved to South Park from California and he hasn't really been having a very good time and since… you know, you just came back and everything… and you haven't been having all that good of a time so… Maybe you guys could…"

"Wait a second." Kyle stopped her with a small blush and a bit of an embarrassed smile. "Are you trying to hook me up with your cousin?"

"He's a doctor." Bebe blurted out, making Wendy and Ruby laugh.

"What kind of doctor?" Kyle asked, his brow slanted with sudden interest.

Kenny stood on the outer rim of the circle of conversing friends. His brow knit together when he watched Kyle's uncomfortable smile turn into a flattered one. He wasn't sure why, but his heart sank just a little bit deeper into his chest when he realized Kyle was actually considering meeting up with that guy.

"He's a pediatrician! See, Mr. Elementary school teacher, you already have something in common." Wendy egged him on and clapped her hands together as if it would finalize their meeting.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't really-"

"He's Jewish!" Bebe interrupted loudly, her grin only spreading on her face. "Come on, Kyle! The two of you have so much in common! You need to go out and do something! Just meeting up with him won't hurt. It'll be fun, too!"

"And he's cute." Wendy added as she folded her fingers together. "And when I say cute I mean really, really, cute. If he was straight I would totally give him a go."

"Wendy!" Bebe giggled out in a scandalized scold. "What about Cartman?"

"Nobody said he would have to know about it." She joked before sticking her tongue out.

By the time Wendy was going on about this sexy, Jewish, mystery doctor Kenny had slowly gravitated away from the group. He didn't like seeing that little spark of interest in Kyle's eyes as the girls fawned over this man they were so sure he would be perfect with. He could still hear their chatter, much to his disliking, but he felt a bit better with distance between himself and the cluster of people. Ruby noticed him walk away even though everyone else was too caught up in their conversation to do the same. She frowned deeply. Kenny couldn't help his feelings, and he just didn't want to be around when the idea of Kyle dating was brought up.

She couldn't imagine how hard it must have been to live that way. Love was tricky, and she knew that from her own personal experiences. Nonetheless, she never had what Kenny once did, and she couldn't fathom how it must have felt for him.

She slipped away from the little crowd relatively unnoticed while Wendy and Bebe tried their best to convince Kyle to meet up with this supposedly perfect guy. The tall blond managed to wander just far enough away so that he couldn't make out what they were saying anymore, and she followed him all the way there. Ruby, with her little red basket of fresh vegetables still hanging from her shoulder, leaned against him and wrapped her free arm around his back. He was taken by surprise, but he was even more in awe when he realized it was Ruby giving him that little hug. She had always been good to him, even when she wasn't very good to everyone else, but never before had she made physical contact in an effort to relieve his pain.

His movements were stiff and his hands were unsteady as he draped his arm around her short shoulders with uncertainty.

"It's gonna be okay." She whispered in an oddly reassuring tone he hadn't really expected. "It's okay to feel upset."

He swallowed hard to keep water from his eyes.

He couldn't remember the last time someone noticed he was hurting during those quiet and subtle moments. He couldn't recall the last time someone went out of their way to really relieve that pain either, so her sudden and unexpected show of gentle kindness left him suddenly overwhelmed by intense emotion.

"Things are hard. I know they are because I've been going through it too." She continued in a soft hush that could have lulled him to sleep if he would have allowed. "No one ever said things were going to be easy, but I don't want this for you. Your family wouldn't want this for you, either. I know it's impossible not to remember the way things were before, especially now that Kyle is around, and its okay to miss those days and get overwhelmed by them, but I need you to go forward. Okay? We all do."

This little pep-talk literally came out of nowhere and left him feeling a sudden burst of mixed emotions in his chest that he hadn't really felt in quite some time. Ike had a heart-to-heart with him a few days before Kyle's return, but it didn't sound nearly as gentle. Ruby's soft hum of a voice not only left him believing in what she was saying to him, but left him wanting to cling to each word.

"Okay?" She repeated.

Kenny nodded stiffly before wiping at his eyes with the back of his arm.

"I can make Kyle sleep in the garage if you want." She offered with a little grin.

Kenny looked at her, cracked a smile, and then let himself laugh a genuine and lighthearted laugh, although it was only for a moment.

"Thanks, but I'm okay."

"Um, are we going you guys?" Kyle asked from behind them, obviously confused by the random show of affection they were displaying. Ruby pushed away from the shelf she had been holding onto, but she had to struggle with it for a moment when her sleeve snagged on the metal. She yanked away, and then heard something metallic clink against the floor, but when she looked down there was nothing to be seen. She shrugged it off, and then her and the boys left for home.

…

Water poured from the shower head, sending warm little sensations rippling over Kyle's skin as he bathed. It had been a while since he had time on his own to relax, so he was milking that shower for all it was worth. He sang to himself as the warm water poured over him and happily massaged shampoo into his scalp. He was content, and everything was peaceful.

He could hear Kenny coughing down the hall, followed by a bout of laughter from Ike. He still hadn't gotten used to hearing Kenny's voice murmuring throughout the house, but he couldn't help but welcome it. There was a time in Kyle's life when the absence of that voice was what he couldn't get used to. He would wake up in the morning and feel around the covers for the body he was sure would be there, only to find himself in bed alone. He had been trying to remember what was so enticing about moving away to live on his own, because all he felt since he came back to South Park was confusion and regret. He didn't know if what he had done was worth all the pain he was feeling.

Nonetheless, he was comforted by the steady sound of water drops colliding with the porcelain under his toes. The constant sound somehow felt much more like a soothing melody than liquid pounding onto the floor. However, he didn't get to relax for very long. A shrill yell echoed down the little hallway from somewhere in the house and right into the bathroom where Kyle was showering. The sudden yell startled him, so he turned off the shower and stood in silence to make sure he wasn't just hearing things. He wasn't, though, because moments later someone was yet again screaming loudly. It sounded like the hollering was being directed at something rather than just random bouts of noise; almost as if he was hearing a one sided argument. He jumped from the shower, soaking wet with shampoo still in his hair, and nearly tripped himself as he attempted to pull a dirty pair of sweats over his thighs. With a house full of mentally unstable individuals a few screams could mean absolutely anything, and Kyle wasn't about to sit back and let something bad happen.

He threw open the door and raced down the hall, but the screaming was still muffled and Ike's living room was empty. Suddenly, a booming crash resonated from the kitchen. It sounded like someone took a few handfuls of silverware and tossed them across the room before ripping cabinets off their hinges. The relentless noise made his hair stand on end, but he wasted no time rushing to the kitchen and throwing the door open.

The first thing that caught his eye was a counter drawer flying across the room, along with Ike and Kenny standing emotionlessly and indifferently from across the kitchen as Ruby screamed and knocked pots and bowls off the counter. She was screeching in a fury, but tears were falling down her eyes in thick streams.

It became obvious that she was looking for something when she ripped the towel drawer off its track and dumped all the cloth onto the floor.

"Whats happening?" Kyle shouted to the other men across the room. His eyes were wide with shock as he asked.

"She lost the bracelet Karen gave her." Someone yelled back over the loud racket, but Kyle couldn't tell who.

She continued to scream and cry so loudly Kyle was sure his eardrums were about to burst. He was in a confused shock, but eventually reached out to stop Ruby's sudden rampage. He grabbed her by the arm in an attempt to calm her, but immediately regretted it. She whipped around with a snarl on her face, threw her arm back, and brought her hand across his cheek with a loud smack.

Ike slapped his hand over his mouth in disbelief and Kenny backed up against the wall in fear of being the next to be hit. Kyle stumbled back for a moment, but didn't give up. Again he grabbed ahold of her, but this time by both of her wrists. She howled at him and rammed her body into his in an attempt to make him let go, but he only held her tighter. He was afraid that she would hurt herself or someone else if she kept throwing things around the room so he was doing his best to subdue her gently.

"Why the fuck are you two just standing there?" He growled at Kenny and Ike as they only watched from across the room. Ike looked horrified and concerned while Kenny's face showed some insightful gaze of intense understanding for Ruby's situation that concerned Kyle on many deep levels. Nonetheless, neither replied, and they left him to try and calm Ruby on his own as she practically wrestled him to the floor in an attempt to get away.

"Help me!" He begged desperately as Ruby scratched at him. What she was doing wasn't her fault. All the pent up pain and horribly frightening emotions she had forgotten how to let out burst free on their own when Karen's bracelet disappeared from her wrist.

Incoherent babble was all she could manage to scream as she finally gave in and sobbed into Kyle's soaked skin. However, her babble soon formed into heartbreaking phrases of a troubled girl.

"It isn't fair!" She practically chanted while her trembling fingers gripped Kyle's back. Ike and Kenny had never seen Ruby so distressed in their lives. Not once had they seen her cry, and never had they realized she was just as damaged as they were. She was so good at keeping the hurt inside they forgot that she felt at all.

"I want my friend back!" She choked out as Kyle rubbed her back soothingly. "Give her back!"

The strong willed woman who was once the strongest and most emotionally stable of all of them was reduced to nothing more than a sobbing child right before their eyes. The floor was littered with silverware, towelettes, pots, pans, and the dinner she was about to make. Drawers were missing and cabinet doors were left hanging open, their contents tossed upon the carpet in a furious rage. All this destruction was left in the wake of her misery, and Kyle seemed to be the only one capable enough to help her.

Neither Kenny or Ike were sure what they could do for her, so they stood idly by with their uncomfortable expressions glued to their faces, leaving Kyle to feel like the only sane person left in the house. Ike was a zombie, Kenny was unstable, and Ruby was in the middle of an intense mental break, leaving Kyle with the burden of building everyone around him up as he himself was crumbling down from the weight of his emotion.

Ruby began calling out Karen's name in her disoriented stupor, and suddenly Kenny moved across the room and fell to his knees beside them. He wrapped his arms around them both, and then rested his head on Ruby's. Ike watched with worry as she gasped for air and dug her nails into Kyle's skin. She was hysterical and completely inconsolable.

"Help me!" She shrieked as she snapped her head back with her mouth gaping open. "What if it's gone?"

Her train of thought was disrupted when she succumbed to a coughing fit.

"I want my brother!" Ruby choked out as her relentless fingertips clutched helplessly into Kyle's back. Her clothes had started to stick to her once they absorbed all the water Kyle didn't have the time to wipe off. Both men holding onto her could do nothing but rock her back and forward until her uncontrolled mourning faded into sniffling.

She was calm, but she was to embarrassed by what she had done to even move. She stayed pressed against Kyle and Kenny long after she became coherent again, afraid to glance around the room and look at the people she just disrupted.

That's when she realized that the stress just living caused was pushing down on her hard enough to crush her bones.

...

Naturally, Kenny killed himself every night. Whether he died peacefully or in agony didn't matter to him, as long as he could feel those few moments of euphoria right after he went under. It was his means of escape and of release. It was the only way he could go on without reverting back to all the drugs and mass amounts of alcohol he drowned himself in. Since Kyle's been around, though, he seemed to die less and less often.

That wasn't a good thing.

Without the bittersweet release of death's cold hand Kenny was terrorized by his own mind. There was no comfort in his sleep, and there was no sweetness in his dreams. Only unspeakable horrors scratched at the inside of his skull, all of which were the result of the horrible incident that took his loved ones. It happened only seven months beforehand, so not only were his wounds deep, but they were still very fresh as well.

He laid awake that night, after he had carried Ruby to her room and Kyle finally got her to sleep. The television was flickering and casting its usual glow, but something was particularly eerie about it. He couldn't really explain what he was feeling, but it was definitely not a good sensation. It was almost as if someone was standing in the corner of the living room just watching him. His eyes scanned the darkness around the room, but the light from the television was unreliable and would flicker off for seconds at a time. When the light would flick off nothing but pitch black filled the empty space around him. Being shrouded in darkness while he could feel someone's intense gaze drilling into his skull sent him into a little panic.

"Kyle?" He shouted, hoping that the other man could hear him from wherever he was in the house. "Where are you?"

He waited for a response, and eventually he heard someone shout back from the hallway. However, it didn't sound like Kyle's voice at all. Kenny stiffened as anxiety began to pinch at his lungs. Something just wasn't right. He could feel it in his chest when the TV light would disappear before rapidly bursting back on. He couldn't be sure why the television was acting so weird, either, and that thought kept him even more on edge.

Then, the voice came again.

It was same voice that replied from the hallway, except this time it was in the room with him. It was soft and gentle like a faint hum, but it hardly sounded human. The humming soon began to crack and sway, and he was just a few moments away from leaping off the couch and running to Ruby's room.

One second the room was filled with light, but once again it faltered and left him alone in the dark. He could hear creaking noises across the floor and the distorted hum transformed into a deep growl. Kenny laid rigid in his fear, but soon all the noises stopped. It was black and silent. However, he was not relieved. That few seconds of pure silence was the calm before the storm, and the only thing he had to comfort him was his own heavy breathing.

"Kyle?" He screamed. The poor man was almost crying by this point as he yelled his ex's name. "Kyle where the fuck are you at?"

The TV suddenly burst back to life with static, but Kenny wasn't alone anymore. There was someone else in the room with him. They were slouched and their body quivered and twitched as they struggled to stand upright. Kenny was in such a shock he couldn't even move. His body was so paralyzed with fear he couldn't even move his horrified eyes away from the sight before him. Whoever was in the room forced their back to straighten with a loud and vomit-inducing crack. They were turned away from him, but he caught a glimpse of long brown hair in the glow of the static. They rolled their shoulders and stretched their legs, all of which were accompanied by gut wrenching crunches.

"Karen?" He asked through the thick fog of tension. Why he called out the name of his sister he couldn't say, but it just seemed right. Their hair was shiny and brown just as her's had been, and they stood with a slight lean just as she had.

However, there came no reply.

They sat in silence for what seemed like years until she began to move. Her body swayed like a zombie, and a feeling of dread built in Kenny's stomach as she did so. Her head quickly and unexpectedly snapped around.

All the way around.

Every trace of color drained away from his features when he caught a glimpse of the mutilated monstrosity that was somehow screaming his name despite it's missing lower jaw.

He jolted from his sleep panting and shaken. The living room was filled with light, leaving him feeling blinded as his eyes struggled to adjust. Only moments after he awoke the hallway door opened, and a certain skinny redhead emerged. He was wearing nice clothes, and his crazy hair was all combed down. Kenny was in far too much distress to notice those things at first, though. The moment Kyle walked through that door he just wanted to launch himself across the coffee table and cling to him in his desperate fear.

"You called?" Kyle asked thoughtfully as he straightened out the front of his green button up shirt.

"Uh," Kenny mumbled as he let his eyes adjust to the light, "W-what?"

"You kept yelling for me." He clarified with his eyebrows raised. "You where asking where I was?"

Kenny couldn't help but get a small blush across his cheeks when he realized he must have been yelling in his sleep.

"Oh... I..." Kenny's face fell and he dropped the subject when he realized Kyle was brushing through his hair with a comb. His face looked so relaxed and peaceful with his eye's half lidded and his lips lax. Kenny couldn't fathom why someone would be getting dressed and brushing their hair out in the middle of the night, unless of course they were going to meet someone.

He felt his heart melt into the soles of his shoes when he remembered what Wendy and Bebe tried to convince Kyle to do earlier in the day, and he just couldn't stop himself from asking. "Is all this for that Jewish doctor?"

Kyle stared at him blankly for a little while as if he had lost his wits.

"Jewish doctor?" He finally asked with his brow slanted.

"Bebe's cousin... or whatever." Kenny murmured out with distaste.

Kyle blinked, and, after his brain registered what Kenny was going on about, he let out a laugh. "No! I'm not going out with that guy! I'm going to the carnival. Ike said he thought it would be best for Ruby if one of us left... You know, because we fight so much."

Kenny threw his legs over the side of the couch and let out a long and heavy sigh. He couldn't believe how much relief washed over him, but he wasn't sure if he liked it. He still hadn't forgiven Kyle, after all, and he felt like a fool for being so jealous over someone who in all reality he didn't really like very much.

At least he kept telling himself that.

"You know," Kyle said as smoothly as he could while running his hand through his curls, "I could use some company."


	7. Firefly of Amber

BubbleG00se, Crazy88inator, Not The Time To Break Down, the guy in a cave, MackenzieMcCormick, A Shinning Starr, Flicka, VagaryFlin, and Ai Tajiri, thank you all so much to the reviews!

I wish I could have replied to all of you, but I can't reply if you aren't signed in, just so you guys know.

Thanks again to Amber-Lynn for her awesome beta skillige.

And as a side note you can follow me on tumblr if you want I just recently got back on it and I'm all lonely and shit: h t t p : / / obanesharvest . tumblr . c o m

Chapter Theme: Amos the Transparent - after all that it's come to this

...

The Walls Became Fuel

Chapter Seven; Firefly of Amber

Kenny blinked at the man standing before him with disbelief. He didn't have the slightest idea why Kyle would want him to come along to the fair after all the fighting they've been doing the past few days. It was like every waking moment consisted of little more than fuming arguments or awkward side glances, and the two of them alone could only spell disaster. However, no matter how sure Kenny was that it was a bad idea to follow his ex to the fair, there was absolutely no way he was going to be staying in that living room alone after his horrid night-terror.

Besides, he couldn't get the previous night out of his head. That helped to sway his decision as well. It's not that he wasn't used to waking up in bed with someone, since Kyle had been gone he'd done plenty of that, but rather waking up to Kyle specifically. It felt weird, and he was sure if Ruby hadn't awoken them so rudely he would have thought everything between the last day they were together and that morning was all a horrible nightmare. He wished he had the chance to just lie there and pretend that nothing had changed. He could have gone back in time, even if only for a moment, and relived the happiest days of his miserable life.

Because of these thoughts it was hard for Kenny to understand himself most of the time. He didn't know what to make of the large mass of mixed emotions that clouded his chest cavity and rained on his heart. He wanted to hate Kyle. In fact, he was pretty sure he was supposed to after all that happened. Yet, no matter how much he wanted to, or felt he should, he just couldn't. He felt cheated, of course. He also felt angry, rejected, betrayed, and sorrowful. However, there was another side of his emotions, too. They were harder to handle because they were the ones that confused him most. He felt nostalgic, at peace, safe, and even happy in Kyle's presence. Even when all they were doing was screaming at each other he felt oddly at ease compared to how he felt without Kyle at all.

He didn't like that, though.

Dr. Gloveland may have been right when he told Kenny remembering how it felt to be happy was the first step to actually feeling it again, but Kenny didn't like what that meant to him. He didn't like feeling as if he couldn't live a normal life just because some ex boyfriend walked out on him years ago. Kyle wasn't just some ex boyfriend, though. He was also the best friend Kenny ever had since they were merely children, and he was the only person Kenny ever truly loved.

He didn't know that he could both want to despise and to hold someone at the same time. It wasn't healthy, and it wasn't fair to either Kyle or himself.

Kenny was unhealthy, though. He was sick, and he always had been. The situation with Kyle only inflamed it, and then the unfair demise of his family pushed him too far. He wanted someone, anyone, to make him feel okay again, and although he knew secretly wanting Kyle back wasn't the healthy or strong willed choice, his desire for happiness and normalcy was much stronger. Just having Kyle talk to him on a calm and equal level left Kenny feeling like things really hadn't changed all that much after all, and he would do anything to keep that feeling lingering in his chest.

"Um," he sighed out dramatically in defeat as he gazed back up at those bright apple green eyes, "Sure. I don't see why I couldn't."

Kyle seemed surprised that Kenny agreed at first, but eventually smiled down at him with that same boyish charm he had when they were teenagers. Maybe Kyle hadn't really changed as much as Kenny originally thought. Sure he looked a lot different, but when he really just looked at him it was obvious he was still the same old Kyle. That little mental note didn't help his conflicting thoughts, however.

"I don't really have any clothes though... My sweats are all that are clean." He added with shame as he pulled on the fabric of his sweat pants that were covering his thighs.

"Well, I have a lot of clothes. You can have some of mine." Kyle offered with that same smile on his lips. It somehow felt really good for both Kyle and Kenny to have a real conversation for once, rather than a screaming match.

"Thanks, but I wouldn't feel comfortable taking your clothes like that."

Kyle sighed, although he somehow felt flattered that Kenny had nothing yet he still wasn't comfortable taking, and then extended his hand to the blond. "Don't worry about it. If you don't want to keep them you can just borrow."

Kenny was unsure, but regardless he reached out and took the hand that was offered to him. It wasn't long before Kyle dragged him into the bathroom where his duffle of clothes was kept. He unzipped the big red bag and began shifting through his large bundle of garments while trying to decide what would look best on Kenny.

As Kyle mumbled to himself and tossed rejected clothing around the bathroom Kenny caught a glance of himself in the mirror. He blinked at the side of his face, and then leaned in for a better look. His hair was just covering his forehead, and it was clean and wispy due to actually bathing in a real shower other than Stark's Pond. He was starting to look a little bit healthier too, thanks to Ruby's all-natural cooking habits. His eyes weren't as sunken in, and, although he was still unbelievably thin, he was starting to look slightly more plump around his cheeks. His sharp-framed blue eyes stared back at him in that mirror until Kyle tossed him a shirt.

"Try these on." He said before also handing him a pair of dark black jeans and walking out of the bathroom so that Kenny could change. He watched Kyle leave in the mirror, and swallowed a wad of nervousness.

The clothes Kyle put in his arms looked so nice and new. The jeans looked as if they had never even been warn, and the shirt didn't have a single wrinkle to be seen. Kyle's clothes being flawless was probably another side-effect of being raised by a perfectionist like Sheila Broflovski. Although Kenny didn't like her, she had passed on some very beneficial habits to her sons. They kept their living spaces clean, they showed great respect to their elders and friends, and they were quick to stand up for themselves or throw a fit when they knew someone was being treated unfairly, just to name a few. Those positive habits didn't come without some intense negative traits, though. Like when Kyle used to constantly put himself down. No matter how good of a job he did he never felt like it was good enough, and that drove Kenny fucking insane. They actually had fights just becuase Kenny tried to convince Kyle that he was perfect the way he was. The more fiery-tempered of the two would always fight right back, saying horrible things about himself and spelling out everything he needed to fix or do better.

Sheila inadvertently damaged Kyle's self-esteem beyond repair due to her strict parenting style. She smothered both of her sons with the word perfection until they were convinced such a thing existed, and that it was something they could never be. Kenny had always hated her for that. He had many more reasons for his hatred other than just the way she treated her children, of course.

She was never very good to the McCormicks either.

Kenny finally pushed his thoughts away and pulled his grey T-shirt off, but stopped to examine himself when he caught sight of the ink in his body. He had many tattoos done over the years, most of which his father did for free. With a steady hand and a tattoo gun Stuart used his son's skin as a canvas. From the tips of his fingers to the bottom if his spine was nothing less than his own father's masterpiece. That would be a pretty cool concept if he didn't hate the man with everything he had. Their last encounter resulted in some violent words. Most of them came from Kenny, naturally, and he didn't think it harsh at all when he told his own father he would bash his skull in if he ever saw him again.

Despite his immense hatred of his father, he could still recall when he was sixteen and leaning back in his dad's old recliner with the living room full of his friends. They were all there, excluding Cartman on account of him being exiled for his rudeness, gawking over the massive skills his father displayed and the gorgeous work of art he was slowly creating. He was more focused than Kenny had ever seen before, and not even the obnoxious ramblings of his friends could distract his usually irritable father from his work. Craig, who happened to be one of Kenny's close friends at the time, was awkwardly fascinated by what he was seeing. Every five seconds he would ask Kenny if it hurt in an oddly ecstatic way, or ask if he could feel his raised skin when Stuart would finish an outline. The whole tattoo took a little over a week to complete, and Craig was there everyday simply because he was so entranced by the whole process. It's not a surprise that Craig ended up getting a few of his own after that experience.

Kenny's massive amounts of ink start on his fingers. Below his knuckles, on the lower most section of his digits, Stuart had etched some beautifully presented finger bones, and the words 'keep hope' ironically found a home on the flat area of skin above each of his finger's second joints.

Not one of his tattoos was random, either. Each one was thought of with a deep symbolism in mind to help keep him going when things got hard, not that he always let them do their job.

He had two rather intricate birds on the back of both of his hands. An eagle on his left to symbolize freedom and a dove on his right to symbolize love. Both birds were beyond detailed with each feather painstakingly stenciled into their designs. Their beautifully crafted tail feathers extended to his wrists where they weaved within themselves to make a sort of border, and then continued on untill they slowly hardened into wood. The rest of his skin was covered mostly in a very complicated system of tree branches, which extended from the birds feathers and eventually found their way winding around his shoulder blades. They merged with a large oak tree that was permanently inked over his spine. The tree for him represented growth, and having its branches begin with the tattoos on his hands held an even deeper meaning.

Growth could only be achieved through freedom, love, and keeping hope.

Stuart did an exceptional job with everything he put on Kenny, but that was no surprise. Once upon a time he was an artist at a local shop until he was caught at work with drugs.

Like father like son, they always say.

Looking back now he wished he would have just saved up and paid for his tattoos at a parlor. He didn't like seeing his arms and remembering his piece of shit father every day, no matter how beautiful of a job he did. He didn't like that Kyle's name would forever be a part of his skin, either. That tattoo was one of the few he actually paid for and he could remember how relieved he was when his artist told him there was just enough space between the branches on his left upper arm to incorporate a name.

That would later become more of a daunting misfortune than a stroke of luck.

He stripped himself of his Dollar-Store-bought sweats in the midst of his reminiscing and slipped the jeans on. They were really loose on him, considering he had little to no meat to speak of, but he was surprised to see that he really did look good. They were boot cut and the front pockets were deep, just like the pants Kyle used to pick out for him. The shirt was blue and long sleeved, and some very intricate black designs were stitched into the cloth. It reminded him so much of when Kyle dragged him to JCPenny every so often to go clothes shopping. His at-the-time boyfriend would almost always choose his clothes because Kenny didn't have enough fashion sense to match two socks together. It seemed to always be little things like that he missed the most.

"You done in there?" A voice asked from the other side of the door.

Kenny gripped the handle in response, sucked in an unsteady breath, and then pulled it open. Kyle stood only a few feet away, and was nearly struck speechless when he got his first glance of Kenny. He looked so much different when he was wearing nice clothing, and for the first time since he had been home he could really say that Kenny looked like he remembered. Sure, he was still scrawnier than ever and he didn't radiate the same unwavering confidence that he once had, but he looked clean, healthy, and more recognizable as the person Kyle knew and, for some god forsaken reason, still loved.

That was quite a horrible word, love.

Kenny was giving him a nervous and unsure look in hopes of reassurance; probably because he didn't know if Kyle's silence was in awe or in disapproval. To express his liking Kyle gave him a confident grin and nodded.

...

It was pitch dark that night as Kyle and Kenny traveled down the twisting mountain road to town. Ike's little house was so high up in the mountains it took a good few minutes to get to flat land. Everyone who lived in the house nick-named their abode Chetwin because of that fact, but neither Kyle or Kenny really cared how long the drive was. They were more worried about how dangerous it could be if they didn't drive carefully.

Kyle kept his eyes focused out the window, watching as the trees lining the darkened forest illuminated in Kenny's headlights. Out of all the places that were familiar to him this road wasn't one of them. Ike hadn't moved out from his parent's house until long after Kyle left, so he still didn't feel comfortable on that winding mountain path in the middle of the night. He felt as if he was the star of a crappy old horror movie every time he found himself on Ike's forest-lined road in the darkness and it made him uneasy.

Kenny picked up on Kyle's nervousness. They may have only been lovers for four years, but they had been best friends since they were practically infants. Someone can't spend every day of their entire lives with a person without being able to notice things like that, so he mumbled out as pleasantly as he could manage, "My radio doesn't work, but I have CDs in my dashboard if you want to listen to something."

He didn't have to repeat himself. Kyle reached for the little black handle infront of him and pulled open the door. Sure enough there was a small collection of disks. None of them had any cases, so they were loosely scattered amongst random papers and old speeding tickets. Kyle reached in for the first one he saw and held it up to the window in hopes of being able to read it through the darkness. It was immediately obvious that the CD was burned, but what it was didn't really hit him until he deciphered Kenny's chicken scratch. 'Color Guard '11' was scrawled across its shiny surface, and Kyle felt his face heat up in both confusion and surprise. That CD only had one song on it, and Kenny had only burned a copy so Kyle could rehearse his routine for high school color guard competition during his junior year. Kyle had been involved in guard since he was a sophomore thanks to some very persuasive convincing on Bebe's part. Dressing up and dancing in front of the entire student body with a bunch of hormonal girls wielding flags and rifles didn't sound too appealing at first, but he ended up falling in love with it. In fact, he almost had a meltdown when he realized he left his flags and rifles at his parents house after he moved in with Kenny's family during the middle of his senior year. That CD had to have been made at least eight years ago and Kyle forgot it even existed until it was in his hands, so he couldn't help but wonder what Kenny was doing with it.

"Why do you still have this?" He finally asked as he trailed his fingertips along its surface.

Kenny was too busy safely navigating them down the treacherous mountain road to glance at what Kyle had in his hand, so he mumbled out, "What is it?"

"The CD you burned for color guard. The one that has Grey Sky Morning by Vertical Horizon on it."

Kenny didn't reply right away. Whether it was because he was focused on the road or building up courage to speak Kyle wasn't sure, but eventually he did reply after an uncomfortable sigh.

"I listen to it when I'm upset sometimes." He admitted as if it was a bad thing.

Somehow Kenny's confession stabbed at Kyle's heart. It had been quite some time since he heard that song, but he still remembered every word of it and everything it meant. On a sudden whim he pushed the CD into the player and pressed the stop button on instinct. Kenny had that car since the redhead first moved into the McCormick household, but even then it was nothing more than a hunk of junk. Kyle was convinced the CD player was possessed because it worked on its own accord, and every now and then it would hold CDs hostage. It was known to make odd hissing noises on occasion, and none of the buttons did what they were supposed to. The play button skipped songs, the rewind button turned on the radio, and the stop button was really play. He was so used to the odd button combinations in Kenny's car that when he moved away and bought his own he had to remind himself not to press stop every time he wanted to play a CD.

The player eventually finished reading the disk and the car was alive with music. The lyrics were slow, yet powerfully relevant to their situation as the sound filled the empty space between them. Kenny gripped his wheel tighter to keep from showing emotion as Kyle hummed along with nostalgia filling his weary mind. They used to listen to that song constantly when they were younger. The lyrics didn't bring tears to Kenny's eyes in those days like they had that night on the way to the fair, though. When they were in high school it was nothing more than a pretty song to dance to in guard, or to sing along with on their drives between their home and school. After Kyle decided to leave, though, the song took on a whole new life and it was the only thing Kenny had that he could relate to. However, whatever emotion it made him feel before was nothing compared to how he felt with Kyle by his side, mumbling along with every word that was sang.

"But it's not so bad. You're only the best I ever had. You don't want me back, your just the best I ever had."

Kenny didn't say a word as Kyle's voice filled his ears. It took every fiber of restraint he had to keep himself from reaching over and resting his hand on Kyle's thigh just as he had so many times when they were together. In that moment he made a sudden decision that left his companion perplexed. He flashed his turn signal, slowed his car, and then turned off the road that lead to town. Kyle watched in confusion as they drove down the mountain on the wrong road, and then continued on away from town.

"What are you doing? The fair is the other way." He protested.

Kenny turned the music down until it was little more than a faint mumble so he could explain himself.

"I want to go somewhere were people won't gawk at us." He admitted, knowing full well that it would be the talk of the town if they showed up together. "Besides, Stark's Pond is much more beautiful at night than the fair."

It took him a moment to register Kenny's explanation, and he couldn't help but feel as if there was more of a reason than his ex was letting on. Nonetheless, he took it with a grain of salt and averted his attention back out the window. Once they got out of the woods Kyle was awestruck by the beauty around them.

The moon hung in the sky high above their little Toyota Supra, and it shined down its beautiful radiance in blue beams that set their entire world aglow. Stars left the blackness speckled with color while a few large clouds were illuminated in the moon's gorgeous glory. The fields they flew past were home to many fireflies, and the little bugs weren't shy when it came to showing off their lovely lights. Little bursts of yellow shined through the tall grass and trees, entrancing Kyle as Kenny finally pulled into Stark's Pond's dirt parking lot. He had forgotten just how beautiful this part of the country was, and he already knew he wouldn't regret skipping out on the fair.

Kenny pushed his door open, so he followed suit and trailed behind the blond. The sound of grass crunching under the soles of their shoes added a pleasant ambiance when it was accompanied by the slushing of water and the distant hum of singing crickets. The water looked just as soothing as it sounded when the moon's light caught and reflected a white glow in it's ripples. Once Kyle took in his fill of the beauty around them he glanced forward. He caught sight of Kenny, walking leisurely towards a bench where they could relax. The light from the moon left everything glowing, including the man before him. His fair colored hair shined, and soft shadows accentuated the shape of his body. Kyle knew it wasn't his place to notice such things, but Kenny was still such a beautiful person, and it was somehow reassuring knowing that he didn't mind spending time together alone. Things were really bumpy for the two of them at first, and it still wasn't easy being so close, but he felt like they were taking a step in the right direction. Even if what they had before could never be repaired it was nice knowing they could at least be good to one another.

Kenny fell onto the bench, and then slumped into it's curve. Kyle stood to the side, unsure whether or not the person occupying the little seat would be comfortable with him being so close, but then Kenny gave him an expecting look and patted the spot next to him.

"You're sure you don't mind?" he asked as he folded his hands into his pockets and shifted his weight to one foot in nervousness.

"Just sit down, idiot." Kenny chuckled out, somehow amused with Kyle's hesitance.

He grinned softly at Kenny's frankness, and then took up the rest of the empty space the bench had to offer. They had room to freely move about, but their knees still knocked together. The small and unexpected contact sent them both into a small state of longing. They were both feeling the same hesitance, the same desires and the same pain. They were both raging inside with identical storms of emotion, but they couldn't read each other's minds; they had both grown far too used to hiding. Neither of them said a word of what they were feeling despite the tension in the air, so Kyle decided to be the first to break through.

"I think someone else had the same idea you did." Kyle said after watching a lantern flicker to life on the other side of the pond. Stark's Pond was actually more of a very small lake, despite what it's name suggested, so it spanned quite a distance. Nonetheless, he could still make out three people on the other side of the lake.

They were lounging comfortably on the wooden dock in camp chairs, and the faintly yellow-tinted light from their lanterns danced across their bodies as the youngest of the three attempted to catch a fish. He couldn't have been more than three or four, and he was wearing a bright orange life jacket. It didn't take Kyle and Kenny long to realize who those people were when a twitching blond stood from his chair to show the little one how close he was allowed to stand to the water.

That particular man was dressed much differently than usual. Not only was he wearing light blue capri pants, but he also had on long-sleeved shirt that was so big on him that it draped loosely around the edges of his shoulders. If he had to guess he would say the shirt belonged to the man watching whatever little scene was unfolding before him contently from his camper chair.

"I forgot they were coming out here." Kenny finally replied dreamily.

They watched as the little boy on the other side of the lake jumped up and down. They could hear a distant and faint squeal of joy as Tweek reached forward and pulled the line out of the water, revealing a little fish dangling at the end. Benji, being the brave little toddler he was, reached out and gave his catch a prideful pet as his Uncle Ello held fast to the line. Benjamin turned back to Craig and pointed ecstatically at his catch before Tweek wrapped it gently in a cloth and relieved it of the hook in its mouth. They brought it back to the man lounging comfortably in his chair, who very carefully took it from his fiancé and began talking. Kenny and Kyle had no idea what was being said, but the couple on the other side of the lake laughed lightheartedly when the little boy accompanying them replied.

"Do you remember when we used to do stuff like that?" Kenny asked so suddenly it threw Kyle off guard.

"You mean go fishing?" He clarified softly before turning his attention to the person beside him, who's eyes were still trained across the water as if he was too scared to even glance in Kyle's general direction. "Yeah... I remember. We used to go with them actually. And Kevin, too."

Kenny nodded, and then a crooked grin unfolded across this chapped lips before he mumbled, "You used to catch fish with your toes."

Kyle tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help himself, and once he started with his giggling Kenny joined in as well. The walls between them began to slowly grow thinner the more they talked, and soon Kenny felt relaxed enough to stretch his arms out over the back of the bench, even though it meant being a little closer to Kyle. He actually liked the way it felt to have someone to talk to who shared his most treasured memories. Everyone else was gone. Even Stan and Cartman left him to crumble under the weight of his own misery alone, so having Kyle around again was becoming more of a breath of fresh air than a painful burden.

They were quiet for a few moments as if they were both in deep in thought. Kenny wanted to ask something that had been on his mind for years, but never had the courage to ask. Even when Kyle would give him a rare long distance call he didn't bother bringing it up, no matter how badly he wanted to know. However, things were different now that he was sitting right beside him. Things were different now that they've curled up on the couch together and Kenny managed to find some little scrap of happiness amongst the garbage cluttering his being. He couldn't hold it in anymore, he had to know.

"Do you ever miss the way things were before?"

Every time Kenny asked a question Kyle found himself feeling more like an asshole. Of course he missed those days. He missed them so much he swore his chest was about to implode.

"Yeah... All the time."

Kenny didn't say anything in return, only nodded before wiping at his eyes with the blue sleeve of the shirt he was wearing. It was reassuring to know that he wasn't the only one holding tightly to the past, and once he knew Kyle felt the same it was easier to read him. His eyes were looking far off into the distance, whether he was still watching the people on the dock or if he was looking through them Kenny wasn't sure, but his eyes gave away what he was feeling. They were watery and shining in the dim glow, and he gently chewed on his bottom lip as his mind wandered.

They were both trapped in the memories they made as teenagers.

Kyle could remember when he ended up living with the McCormicks and how it felt sharing a room with Kenny for the first time. He missed sleeping pressed comfortably against him in bed every night. They woke up together every morning too, and it was almost a surreal thing in Kyle's eyes when he would wake to Kenny's crappy old alarm clock blaring. His boyfriend would shift groggily under their blankets before smacking the side of the clock so that they could just lay there wrapped up in each other for a little while before getting ready for school.

He could still recall the way Kenny smiled in the morning. He remembered the way his tired voice sounded and how his bones would pop when he stretched out. He remembered that Kenny's eyes were always half-lidded and heavy with sleep, and that his little pecks and kisses were just as groggy as he was.

When they would finally force themselves to get up and get ready they didn't have much of a breakfast. Kyle was used to Sheila preparing a buffet nearly every morning for him and the other Broflovskis to scarf down, but Carol and Stuart were as poor as a family could be. Carol did her best to have something ready for her household full of teenagers when they got up, even though she knew her breakfasts were merely table scraps compared to what Kyle was used to. However, she wanted him to feel at home as possible, so she did everything she could for him. Kyle and the the McCormick siblings usually made do with a piece of buttered toast each, a couple pieces of canned fruit, and a glass of water or, on very rare occasions, orange juice. Even though he got so little he never once complained, and he never asked for anything more than they could give. He didn't mind getting so little food because all the pleasant recollections made up for going hungry.

If he had to choose, though, he would have to say that his favorite memory took place during the first December he shared with Kenny on Whitely. It was Christmas time, which was a difficult time of year for a household of two different religions. Nonetheless, both Kyle and Kenny decided to say fuck religious differences and make up their own holiday. It was appropriately dubbed Whitely day, and they had way too much fun with it. They made paper snowflakes and hung them around the television, Kenny made a dinner for two, they stayed up all night watching Disney movies, and they exchanged presents in the morning. The memory didn't stop there, though. After they exchanged their presents on what happened to be Christmas eve they went to the McCormick household so that Kenny could take part in his family's religious celebrations.

After Kyle walked into their living room and kicked off his snow boots he was awestruck at what he saw. A little Menorah sat on a bench against the wall. The McCormicks had no idea how to use it or exactly why it was a special symbol to Kyle and his family, but just knowing that they thought enough of him to get such a thing nearly left him in tears.

Kyle wished that things could have been different. Knowing that the people that he once loved and cherished so dearly were gone forever left a sick rolling in his stomach that almost made him want to vomit.

He couldn't believe that he got along so well in Georgia with all those memories rattling around in his brain, either. He didn't know how he went on without the sound of Kenny's voice coaxing him from his sleep so he could say goodbye before going to work. That ritual started the morning of Kenny's first job at Shaky's Pizza, and Kyle could still smell those early morning cups of coffee and taste those little farewell kisses as if he never had to go without them.

He wasn't the only one who had to live with the pain of his past decisions, though. Kenny lived with them too.

He absolutely hated waking up alone. The very idea of leaving work just to go back to an empty apartment ripped him apart. He wasn't strong enough to handle walking through that front door knowing that Kyle wouldn't be waiting for him in their little living room like he did every afternoon before. That was about the time he started leaning on alcohol, then came sex, then came drugs. He hadn't started killing himself until he lost his family, but that became a drug in itself, and he used every other human being's last resort as a first choice.

Kyle felt the arm that was resting behind him move forward ever so slightly, distracting him and bringing his attention to Kenny. He was watching the couple on the other side of the lake as they lifted their lanterns and walked side by side towards their tent with little Benji balancing on Tweek's hip. They looked so happy and content with where they were in life. They knew what they wanted, and they fought tooth and nail to have it.

All of a sudden a rush of thoughts swept through Kyle's mind, and he remembered what Tweek had told him only a couple days before. It didn't make complete sense at the time, but Tweek was right. Kyle did have everything that he could have ever wanted in South Park, and soaking in the sight of the blond beside him left him feeling numb.

An apology was in order, and whether or not Kenny was willing to forgive or not didn't matter.

"Can I say something?"

Kenny finally looked over at him with concern in his eyes, but nodded slowly. He could feel the back of Kyle's neck resting in the bend of his elbow, and it sent little shivers running up and down his sides.

"I guess I need to start off by telling you that I don't expect things to be the way they were before, and I do not expect you to forgive me, but I'm sorry for everything I didn't do for you." He stopped for a moment, looking down at his hands and rubbing them together in his nervousness. Kenny began trembling, and hid his face in the palm of his hand to hide his emotion when Kyle continued. "I left because I forgot who I was, and I thought that the only way to figure it out would be to go off on my own... To discover myself as an individual again. It was probably one of the worst decisions I ever made. I left for all that time and now I'm even more confused than I was before... but it's important that you know I didn't leave because you weren't good enough or because you did something wrong."

By this point Kenny's hand was gripping at the cloth covering Kyle's shoulder, and he couldn't contain his overflowing emotion. He wanted to hold him even closer. He wanted to cry against him and say that all was forgiven, but he couldn't move.

"I missed you." He confessed pathetically through the cracks of his fingers.

"I missed you every day, and when you-" he stopped himself for a moment when he choked on his words. "When you called from Georgia I just wanted to beg you to come back home, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to you because I thought you didn't love me anymore. Fuck, why am I crying?"

Kyle felt compelled to comfort him, so he leaned foreword and pulled the sobbing man into his embrace. Kenny did not fight him, but instead collapsed willingly into his arms.

"I never stopped loving you." He confessed in a whisper as he held Kenny's weeping form to his chest. On the other side of the lake a camp fire burst to life. It's flames reached upward and licked at the sky, but Kyle was too intoxicated by the twisting feeling in his gut to notice.

The blond pulled back just enough for his gaze to connect with the apple green eyes wavering before him, and his cheeks flushed red as Kyle used the pad of one of his thumbs to brush tears from the corners of Kenny's damp eyes. He didn't have to ask if Kyle meant what he said, because he knew that he had. He missed him, he cared about him, and he loved him. With those thoughts in mind Kenny's jaw quivered faintly, and then in one fluid motion he leaned forward until his lips brushed softly against Kyle's.


	8. So I Just Keep Writing

okay you guys. This chapter is really short, choppy, and probably boring. There's a reason for that, though. I have been so so so super busy and my family has fallen into yet another crisis. Therefor I had little time to get my shit together. I apologize, and I will try to make it up to you guys in the next chapter. Maybe... Chapter nine will come early?

I don't know how much longer this story has to go, but I'm hoping for fifteen chapters at least.

Crazy88inator, Ai Tajiri, Bubbl3wrapGuy , BubbleG00se, Flika! Thank you for the reviews!

Just so you guys know, your reviews and feedback are really important to me, and I do notice when you guys go missing, which a few of you have ;~; So please don't hold back. Even if you don't like the chapter it is very beneficial for me to know your opinions, and I just plain miss talking to you guys.

Also my beta didn't get the chance to look this over... Sooooo

Chapter theme: Eluvium- I will not forget what I have forgotten

* * *

><p>When I feel like I'm a horrible writer and I will never improve or rise above my own expectations, I realize that I write to make myself feel better.<p>

The Walls Became Fuel

Chapter Eight; So I just Keep Writing

Kyle didn't know whether to lean into the kiss or jerk away. It was all so sudden, and he hadn't expected such a thing from Kenny. Nonetheless, his body reacted naturally and pushed forward. Despite the contact being nothing more than a peck they both couldn't help but feel a burst of friction and passion where they connected. Kenny's face heated up until it became bright red, and Kyle wasn't above resting his hand on Kenny's knee. They allowed their lips to go slack and Kenny pulled them apart slightly, but Kyle could still feel the other man's breath on his face. He too began to blush as he gripped Kenny's shoulders, let his eyes go half lidded, and dipped back in so his lips could quiver against the blond's.

Neither of them felt the clichéd butterflies or fireworks, but there was something there. It was both very small and enormous at the same time, but both men were too distracted by the other's lips to decipher exactly what it was they were feeling.

That little string of kisses couldn't have lasted for more than five seconds. Yet it almost felt like a lifetime, and as soon as Kenny finally pulled his lips from Kyle's reach the redhead wanted to pull him back into the loving gesture. He didn't, though. He let Kenny sit back against the bench with his face still red and his arms crossed in what looked like embarrassment. There were still tears in his eyes, but he didn't bother to wipe them away. He left himself exposed completely with all of his emotions laid out on the table like a deck of cards. It took a lot out of him to show so much of is inner self. Crying against Kyle and pulling him into a kiss were not voluntary things on his part. They just happened, almost as if his mind had betrayed him and acted before he had the chance to think on it.

That wasn't why his face was red, though. That blush was spread across his cheeks because he hadn't expected Kyle to kiss back. He didn't expect for those soft, familiar lips to reach out for his when he pulled away either, but they did.

It was a good feeling, despite what his head was telling him. His chest was swelled up with a sudden feeling of belonging. It was almost as if Kyle's presence halted the entire world for just a moment, and in that moment a surreal feeling of unimaginable peace wafted over Kenny's being. He felt strong. Stronger than he had felt in a very long time, and, at least in that moment, Kenny thought of how good it felt to be alive.

As Kenny and Kyle sat comfortably against one another Ike was back at home sulking.

He could still remember the first time she smiled at him.

She was wearing braces back then, thanks to her older brothers who paid out of their own pockets to correct her teeth, and she was always so self-conscious of them. With that in mind, making Karen McCormick smile was never an easy task, but Ike found a way. He always found a way to make her so happy she couldn't help but let a big grin spread across her face. That was only one of the things she loved about him, though.

He fingered the soft cloth of her favorite sweat shirt, and then breathed in her smell. He had slept with it for so long that her scent had worn away so he began washing it in her favorite detergent in an attempt to somehow freeze that item in time. It wasn't the same, of course. She had a very distinct smell that no one could manufacture, but beggars could never be choosers.

She was such a beautiful person, in every sense of the word. Even with the metal that clang to her teeth when she was younger she radiated both inner and outer beauty. And, just as his older brother had, Ike fell deeply in love with a McCormick. It was never easy for them, especially when they began openly dating. He always recalled how his mother reacted when Kyle began to form an intimate bond with the McCormick household, and he was always fearful that he would be forbidden to see his significant other just like his brother was. Fortunately things never got quite that out of hand, but Sheila was absolutely infuriated when they told her of their relationship. However, she gritted her teeth and let it slide seeing as how Karen was much more polite and civilized than the majority of her family.

It was actually rather sad how their parents treated one another. The Broflovskis hated the McCormicks, and the McCormicks hated them. Many years of intense fighting and the gap between their social statuses left the two families, who had once been good friends, mortal enemies.

That didn't stop their children from falling for one another, though. Even Kenny, who never once even considered being with another man, somehow developed an unyielding passion for the eldest of the Broflovskis' sons. That didn't go over well with Kyle's parents at all. They couldn't have cared less that they were both men; they knew for quite some time that Kyle was gay and had no problem with it. However, which family Kenny was from did matter, and neither Sheila nor Gerald was very pleased.

Yet, despite what Ike's parents believed, Broflovskis were meant to be with McCormicks. It was almost as if they were born with magnets under their skin, pulling and tugging towards one another until they inevitably collided. The pull was so strong that Ike was sure if he had another sibling Kevin wouldn't have died a single man. Even Stuart and Gerald were loyal best friends throughout their childhoods, and Ike even came to suspect on a few occasions that they could have possibly been more. He seriously doubted that theory, though, on account of Stuart's apparent homophobia.

It's funny how quickly he seemed to be taken with Kyle though, regardless of the fact that he was homosexual. Stuart was weary in the beginning when it came to the petite redhead. He was a Broflovski, and he was fucking his son. Either one of those things should have been enough reason to make him hate Kyle, but he didn't. Instead he took him under his wing in a way, and somehow became a second father despite his more unsavory habits. It was the same way for Ike too, and by the time all was said and done both boys openly referred to Stuart and Carol as mom and dad on multiple occasions.

Ike suddenly felt as if he needed to get out of the house.

The walls were closing in on his tortured mental being, and he had somewhere he needed to be.

Just as Ike slipped his sweater on over his shirt he glanced out of his window. There was no rhyme or reason to his gaze outside, but what he saw through the glass left him baffled. He was expecting this to happen eventually with Kenny and Kyle being in the same household together, but what he saw was just so sudden and out of the blue he thought he was imagining things.

They were standing in the driveway next to the Toyota with their bodies pressed up against each other; wrapped up in one another's arms and talking quietly amongst themselves. It was so dark outside Ike could only make out their silhouettes in the white glow of the street light in the woods behind them, but they were just visible enough for him to clearly see Kyle take Kenny's face in his hands. They didn't kiss, they didn't lean in closer, and the embrace seemed somehow awkward and forced. However, Kenny kept his hands on Kyle's lower back as the slightly shorter of the two said something to the face he was holding. Ike could sense that he was witnessing a rather private moment considering how Kenny stood rigid as if he didn't know how to feel. Kyle didn't even get to finish his sentence, though, because in the middle of whatever he was saying Kenny scooped him back up against his chest and held him there.

The person watching from the window only let out a deep sigh before lowering his blinds. He didn't care if Kenny and Kyle got back together. He didn't give a damn if they moved out, got married, and adopted ten thousand children, at least he wouldn't have if it wasn't for their mental states. Neither Kyle nor Kenny were stable enough to handle intense emotions like love, but sometimes things just can't be stopped. Just as he recalled earlier, McCormicks and Broflovskis just went together. Like coffee and creamer, they each evened one another out. It was a natural force like the ocean tides or the pull of the wind, and trying to stop those two from gravitating back to one another would be like trying to stop mother nature herself.

Ruby didn't agree with this at all. When Ike mentioned to her that nothing can keep the children of their families from falling for one another she told him that it was only coincidence, and that he shouldn't slap a label on every odd happening as a mysterious or natural force. She thought the whole concept was utterly ridiculous.

"People aren't really made for each other." She would argue with her arms crossed. "You just fall for whoever you get along well with first and the thing with your guys's families isn't any different."

She didn't believe it, but Ike still did.

He figured he should hurry up and go considering it was almost three o'clock in the morning around the time he decided to head out. Yet, he was halted yet again when he stepped into the living room to find Ruby dusting away at the television. She looked so much calmer than she was just a few hours before, but she looked heavy-hearted with a frown and purple bags that began to droop under her eyes. She was warn down and she was tired. Anyone with eyes could tell that just by the sluggish way she moved.

"You feeling any better?" Ike asked from across the room.

She perked up a bit, and then turned to look at him from over her shoulder. Her long auburn hair moved gracefully around her face as she glanced back in curiosity, but her brown eyes that were usually so bright and full of spunk were dull and nearly lifeless. It hurt him to see his best friend in such a horrible state, but he understood her pain. He understood the dull look in her eyes she tried to hide, because his were the same.

"A little I suppose." She paused to let out a big exhale, and then continued on with subtle devastation in her tone, "I still can't find my bracelet."

Ike frowned at this and approached her to rub her back. She stiffened at first, but relaxed under the touch of her trusted friend before setting the father duster atop the television.

"I'm sorry... I really didn't mean to cause such a commotion. God, I feel so stupid." She grumbled as she knocked the butt of her palm against her forehead.

"No, Ruby. Don't be sorry. I understand why you did what you did. You should have seen this place after the funeral." He replied in a soft hush, his eyes gazing into the open door that lead to the kitchen. He could tell that Ruby had already began picking up her mess, even though she could have only been awake for an hour or so.

"Yeah... I... I wanted to thank Kyle. You know, for helping me even though I've sort of been harsh with him. I couldn't find him though. Him and Kenny are both gone."

"Kyle went to the fair and took Kenny, but I think they'll be back soon." He said smoothly, despite knowing those two were standing in the driveway. They were having some sort of intimate moment, and Ike thought it best to just leave them alone for the time being.

"I actually think its me who should say sorry. You were having a breakdown and I didn't do anything to help you," Ike mumbled out with his gaze on the floor.

"Yeah, you are kind of an asshole." Ruby teased with a half-hearted grin unfolding on her features.

She gave time for Ike to snicker before she said, "I understand though. It all happened so fast, I'm not surprised you and Kenny just stood there. You were shocked."

He didn't have anything to say back to that, so they just stood in a comfortable silence for a few moments before he changed the subject. "Don't you have work tomorrow? It's three in the morning, you should still be sleeping."

"You're one to talk." She pointed out with her brow tilted. "You have work too, and you look like you're about ready to leave for the night."

"Don't worry about me, I'm just going for a drive for a while." He lied. "I have to clear my head."

She nodded like she believed it before telling him goodnight and stumbling in her sleepy fog down the hall and into her room. He didn't allow himself to be distracted too much when he ran into Kenny and Kyle on their way up the drive. He did find it odd, however, that they both seemed to be in a bit of a daze. They tried to greet him, which he too had done with a smile, but he didn't stick around for much chit chat. He had somewhere he needed to be, somewhere no one else knew he had ever gone before, and he couldn't wait too late to get there.

...

He climbed the staircase, which was actually more like a misused fire escape, up the side of the apartment complex. He knew that Stuart would be up. He was like Tweek in the sense that he couldn't sleep worth shit. The same nightmares Kenny suffered through had been plaguing that poor man as well, but he never killed himself to avoid them as his son tended to do. That left him with no other options rather than to sleep and have nightmares or don't rest at all.

He chose not to rest at all, naturally.

Ike banged on the door with his free hand and waited on the rickety old iron stairway. As usual he gathered up a bag of food from the grocery, and it was dangling at his side as he waited. The grate under his feet was rusted an orangish brown color, and he was horrified that he might fall through every time he even slightly shifted his weight to one side.

He hadn't been to that place since the first night Kyle came home. Before they went off to the fair he slipped away from the house and drove into town to make sure Stuart was doing alright. They both liked the visits, even when the older man was being an uncooperative ass, which was something he tended to do quite often.

"G'me a minute!" He heard a harsh and raspy voice shout on the other side of the wall.

It took a little longer than Ike was comfortable with, but Stuart eventually made his way to the door and pulled it open just enough to see who was on his doorstep. He was a sad lonely man for the most part, and it was easy to tell that just by glancing at the massive scar tissue on his face. After the destruction of his family and the threats he received from Kenny he became a hermit. He didn't even leave his tiny apartment to go grocery shopping, not that he had a lot of money for food. Ike usually slipped away from his household to pay the older man a visit with a bag of groceries in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other. It had become so much a part of his routine he didn't even have to think about getting up and going before he was already out the door and in his car. Stuart understood his pain. He knew how Ike felt, and he was willing to talk about it. That was something that helped Ike tremendously, and no matter how much his parents or Kenny might have hated him if they found out, it was something he just needed.

"You a cop?" He asked when he was unable to make out Ike's facial features through the crack of his door in the dark.

"No. It's me, Ike." He clarified, then held out the plastic bag of groceries he had brought to prove his point.

Convinced, Stuart unlatched the chain and let the door creek open. Ike stepped inside the dimly lit apartment and closed the door behind him. That place was a mess, but it was no surprise. Even when Stuart owned that piece of shit house his family used to live in he didn't clean after himself. Nonetheless, the apartment was a major downgrade. There were only two rooms in that god forsaken rental. He had a bathroom, and a room for everything else. The kitchen and living room were one in the same, and his couch doubled as his bed. There was a lot of trash hanging around. The floor was covered in dirty clothes, and food wrappers found their homes anywhere and everywhere.

Just how messy the place had gotten was probably a bad side affect of the mental state of the man who lived there. Stuart was never a lighthearted individual, but at least before he would crack a smile from time to time. Ike thought he had forgotten how to smile since he'd lost everything.

Stuart sat back down on an old blue recliner and flipped through the channels on his television. It looked a lot like the one Ike had at home, but it seemed like Stuart only had three or four local channels rather than Ike's extensive guide of premium packages.

Stuart didn't look quite right in the glow from his television. The massive scars on the left side of his face were only accentuated by the bluish light, and he looked far more like a monster than a person. Pieces of skin bunched up above his cheek and all the damaged tissue was left a glossy pink color. It was unsettling, really. Stuart used to be such a good looking man, much like Kenny, who took after his father when it came to his looks, but he couldn't even go out in public without stares of horror and sympathy following everywhere he went.

That was probably another good reason for him to not leave his home.

"How have you been, dad?" He finally asked as he set the plastic grocery bag on the side table by the couch.

"I've been better." He replied stiffly before letting out a hack. All of those cigaretts had finally started to catch up with his lungs. "Yourself?"

Ike scooted into the cushions of the couch. He was uncomfortable in such a filthy environment. The Broflovski inside of him wanted to jump from his seat and clean everything in sight, but he toughed through it for Stuart's sake.

"I've been okay. My brother came back to town to try and help me out. Him and Kenny are both living with Ruby and I now."

"My boys' in your house? Is he doing okay? Last I heard he hurt somebody and got in a lot of trouble." Came the immediate response. Stuart was deeply concerned. Ike could tell by the sudden look of desperation in his eyes at the mention of his only remaining child.

"Yeah. He's actually doing pretty good. Things were really hard there at first, but I think he's starting to get better. The judge was really lenient on him, too. He should get by without any prison time."

"Good, my boy has been through too much, he needed a break. Well, you know how it was after Kyle left and everything... You say he's back now too? In the same house with Ken?" Stuart asked for clarification as if he thought he may have heard wrong. He ran his fingers through his dirty blond mullet as he inquired.

Ike had never heard him talk so much, but mention of Kenny tended to make him go of on little tangents. It was horribly painful for Ike to see that look of sadness in the man's eyes. To see his deep seeded desire to make peace with the only family he had left, and then to look into Kenny's, who wanted nothing more than for his own father to drop dead. What made the situation even worse was that Stuart understood and even agreed with how Kenny felt.

The deaths of three people, of his own children and wife, were on his hands. He didn't own the finger that pulled the trigger, so to speak, but every bad decision he made was nothing but another bullet loaded in the metaphorical gun. His horrible choices plunged an entire town into trauma and mind-crippling pain. Everyone who had been close with the McCormicks, which happened to be a good majority of South Park, had been suffering so badly at the loss of their friends and loved ones.

Stuart felt that it was his own fault he was hated, and even though he desired nothing more than to be reunited with his son he knew that he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve those routine visits from Ike either, but they were all he had left.

"Yeah, They constantly fought for the first few days, but before I came to see you I caught them hugging in my driveway."

Stuart inhaled deeply and shook his head. "Kenny is so wishy-washy. One day he hates the guy and the next he loves him again."

"It's a little more complicated than that." Ike chuckled out. "I think Kyle's been helping Kenny more than he has been helping me. At least it seems that way now."

"Well, that might not be such a bad thing then." Stuart pointed out. "Are you sleeping here again?"

Ike considered this for a moment as his chocolate brown eyes scanned the trashed room around him.

"Only if you'll let me clean your apartment." Ike said with a bit of a sloppy grin.

"I have no objections to this." Stuart immediately let out with a cockeyed grin.

...

The soft morning light finally came in through the windows of Ike's home, causing Kenny to stir in his sleep. He rolled over on the couch and reached out to feel Kyle's slender shoulders through the sheets. A sudden feeling of panic shot through his chest and he jolted out from under his blankets when he realized Kyle wasn't there. The cushions were warm where Kyle's body had been laying beside him, but the redhead wasn't in the room. Kenny's heart started skipping beats as he crawled out of bed with uncertainty.

"Kyle?" He mumbled out, but he didn't get a reply. His body shuttered as a sudden feeling of dejection panged through his chest.

His mind was so warped that he didn't take time to think of places Kyle could be. The first and only thought that came to his head was that Kyle had yet again left him, and even the idea made his heart feel like it was being torn back open. He hesitantly threw his legs over the side of the couch, and then looked around the room to try and disprove his own theory. Just then a soft humming came from the kitchen. It wasn't high pitched like Ruby's, and she and Ike were both due to be at work at the time. It rang out softly through the kitchen door along with the sound of whimpering dogs.

"Kyle?" Kenny asked again. He was slightly perplexed, but hopeful.

"I'm in the kitchen!" came the singsongy reply. It was definitely Kyle, although his voice was far more chipper than usual.

Kenny stumbled across the room, and then pulled open the kitchen door. The strong smell of coffee beans and syrup filled his nostrils. The kitchen was restored to its original clean state, and Kyle was standing in front of the stove as the coffee maker did it's job. He could only guess how long Kyle had to have been up, but it had to have been a while. Not only had he cleaned the entire kitchen, but he also managed to start breakfast.

"It's only six," Kyle said as he flipped a piece of french toast in the skillet, "You can go back to bed for a little bit if you want to. You don't have work until seven thirty... You must be tired since we were up so late."

"No... No, its okay... Are you making me breakfast?" He asked, slightly dumbfounded.

Kyle's face went red and he scratched at the stubble on his chin before mumbling, "Uh, yeah. I was gonna wake you up when the coffee was done... If you're okay with that."

In all honesty, Kenny wasn't sure if he was okay with that. They had kissed last night. They also both slept curled up together again, but he didn't know if he wanted Kyle making breakfast and starting his coffee like he had when they lived together. He still had very strong feelings towards him, and he wouldn't want him to leave again. However, he still wouldn't allow himself to be swept off of his feet.

He debated on telling that to Kyle. Maybe things would have been easier if he was just honest about how he felt. It couldn't have been hard for him to just tell Kyle that he still didn't completely trust him and that he was terrified of being hurt again, but he didn't.

Instead he sucked in a deep breath, glanced at Kyle's expecting face, and then sighed out, "I guess coffee wouldn't hurt."


	9. White Coffee and Black Trains

Flika, Ai Tajiri, Crazy88inayor, winged demon wolf, Bubbleg00se, and A Shinning Star. Thanks for the reviews you guys!

Well hello there again! I want to let you guys know that THERE WILL INDEED BE A SEX SCENE very soon I'm only saying it so boldly because so many of you have hinted twords it . It's actually important to the plot, in a way, so I have to write it whether or not I want to.

Just so you know I actually despise those kind of scenes. I feel like they are way too overused and distract from the important messages inside stories and plot lines, however it is important that it happen, and many of you have told me that you want it to happen. (No surprise there, right? lol) So it will indeed. I'll try to make it as realistic and um... /clears throat... sexy as possible for you guys, but I've only ever written one before (Which was in Inner Personal Relations do to high demand) so bare with me ^.^|'

Also, next week is my last full week of school. I don't know yet what that means for my fanfiction, considering I have to job search now.

Chapter Theme: Evanescence - Like You

* * *

><p>The Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter nine; White Coffee and Black Trains

"I heard a rumor that the McCormick's son is living with you." Sheila stated in her usual disapproving tone. Kyle could just picture her with her nose stuck up in the air with distaste, and it somehow bothered him knowing that she intentionally left Kenny nameless.

Kyle let his fingers linger over the speaker of Ike's house phone before glancing over at Kenny. He was scarfing down a plate of french toast so fast one would think he had never seen the likes of solid food before in his life.

"He isn't living with me, he's living with Ike." Kyle clarified solely for the purpose of being a smart ass.

Sheila huffed on the other line before continuing with her tangent. "It's the same thing! I don't like that my boys are living with a vicious criminal."

As Sheila blabbered on about how violent and evil a person Kenny was, Kyle glanced back at the supposed hellion who was trying to reach a smudge of syrup on his chin with his mouth. Why he didn't just use a rag like a normal person Kyle wasn't sure, but he supposed Kenny wouldn't be quite as amusing if he always thought things through. An intense look of concentration was plastered on the said vicious criminal's face as he wiggled his tongue towards the sticky substance on his chin. He made an oddly high pitched noise of displeasure as if the little blotch of syrup had offended him. Kyle almost laughed at just how ridiculous he looked, but held it in with a goofy grin.

Kenny seemed to be so harmless with his impractical thought process Kyle almost forgot that he really did have it in him to seriously hurt someone. As he had been reminded a many times before, Kenny just barely skidded by without some major prison time for nearly killing a man. He snatched a pen off of the drug store clerk's counter and jammed it right into the guy's eye, sending the usually harmless item into his brain. What was worse was that Kenny only did what he did because the man said something that had offended him. He could have very easily removed himself from the situation or sought comfort from Stan, who was with him at the time, rather than reacting with such explosive aggression. Kyle didn't know all of those details, though, and he didn't want to. He only knew what others had told him, so he only heard that Kenny stabbed someone and almost got his dumb ass hauled off to prison.

It was so hard for Kyle to picture Kenny in such a situation, so he spent most of his time avoiding the image in his mind. Besides, the only bout of emotion Kyle had seen from him usually involved crying, and no sort of brutal criminal Kyle had ever known broke down in tears simply because someone acknowledged his feelings.

Misguided as Kenny was, he was not evil.

"Really, Mom. You're only saying that because you don't like him." He finally replied. Kenny froze after hearing this, although his tongue was still hanging out of his mouth. He leaned a bit closer so that he might hear Sheila through the phone, which was only a few feet away from him.

"No, I'm saying it because it's true. How do you even feel safe sleeping at night knowing someone like him is in the house?" She retorted defensively as if her opinion was an obvious fact.

Kyle could have been an ass by informing his mother that the only thing Kenny does at night is snore, and he should know considering they slept on the same couch together. However, the last thing he wanted was to stir up trouble so he kept that comment to himself.

"Listen, I'm busy right now. I'll call you back later, okay?" He blurted out in a sorry attempt to get her off the phone. The conversation was starting to frustrate him and he wanted to see Kenny before he left for work.

The thought of just hanging up was starting to look tempting, but if he did such a thing to his mother he would have never heard the end of it.

"Why? What are you doing?" She somehow spoke as if she was accusing him of a wrong doing.

He hated when she talked like that. She may have been his mother, but she wasn't his god damned keeper. It was none of her business what he was doing, and it was none of her business who he chose to live with.

"Mom, It isn't your concern what I'm doing!" He snapped, finally having enough of the unbearable conversation.

"Don't talk to me with such a tone! Goodness, I'm your mother!" She recoiled like and angry, venomous snake. "You haven't been the same since you started running around with that McCormick boy in high school."

She added the last little sentence in an agitated mumble, but Kyle still caught it. The more she talked the more upset he seemed to be, and Kenny was starting to want to intervene. He hated when Kyle was upset, especially if it was Sheila who caused it. She always seemed to know just the right things to say to either leave Kyle flustered or in tears.

"For God's sake, ma! Kenny and I have been friends since preschool!"

"I meant when you two started going steady! You started going over to that ratty house all the time with that filthy bunch of-"

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm just done. I'm so done talking to you right now." Kyle interrupted before slamming the phone onto its hook, and then pulling the plug out of the wall so that she couldn't call back.

Kenny blinked in surprise at Kyle's unexpected and quick movements, but never took his eyes off of the annoyed man before him. He shuffled his feet as he walked to the breakfast table, and then plopped down lazily on the other side. Anger and frustration flashed in Kyle's eyes while he let out an unsteady exhale.

"You alright?" Kenny asked in curiosity from across the table.

"Yeah, my mom was just being herself I guess." Kyle sighed as he leaned forward over the tabletop.

He looked good that morning, despite his upset expression. He was wearing a plaid shirt that had to be at least three sizes too big for him, and nothing else besides his boxers. The top was decorated in a very light orange and red pattern, which clashed horribly with his bright hair, not that Kenny really gave a damn, and it came down to the middle of his thighs. The collar was popped and the first few buttons were left sloppily undone, Kenny noticed. It didn't look quite right, though. Kyle usually never left anything out of place so that little detail spoke volumes.

Kyle allowing himself to look what he would deem inadequate in front of someone had always been a big deal. It was almost as if it was his way of saying he trusted them not to judge his wild morning hair and disheveled clothing.

Kenny could never get over knowing that he was the only one who got to see Kyle with his loose fitting morning clothes and untamable morning mane. At least he used to be, anyway. He couldn't be sure anymore if he was the only one Kyle ever spent a morning like that with.

"It's funny," Kyle started before pausing to nibble on his plump bottom lip, "how everyone hates the idea of us even being friends."

Kenny finally gave up on the syrup on his chin, leaving the little smudge glistening on his face.

"Well…They aren't wrong, you know. We're not good for each other." He said softly and honestly. He didn't want to believe the words coming out of his own mouth, but everything Sheila had said was right. They just weren't good for one another anymore.

"That isn't entirely true." Kyle tried to argue with his eyebrows pinched together in protest.

Kenny's bright blue eyes glanced up at Kyle from under his brow. For some reason he was shocked hearing such an obvious hint. There was an odd look in Kyle's eye, one that was secretly hoping that Kenny would nod his head and agree. Sadly, though, Kenny didn't agree. He still loved Kyle. He could never deny that little fact that raddled around in his brain every day, but one has to do more than have feelings for another if they want to be with them. They have to do things that neither Kyle nor Kenny were capable of.

Everyone who told them that being together would do nothing but cause them pain were right, and Kenny knew that fact very well. With the massive problems he had and how confused Kyle was, mixing the two of them together could cause nothing but another hole in their already damaged hearts. However, things were going well for them at that point, and even though Kenny was well aware nothing good could ever come from it he couldn't make himself walk away.

He tried not to think too much about it, though. Something he had always wanted back was only an arm's reach away, and no matter how selfish it was of him to reach out and grab it he couldn't stop himself.

"No… I guess it isn't entirely true." He lied with his gaze downcast and his lips left slack.

A little smile of reassurance spread across Kyle's lips. Yet, that only made Kenny feel worse because in that moment he realized something that bothered him deeply. Kyle didn't know him anymore. He didn't know who Kenny was or what kind of person he became. He had done some pretty horrible things since Kyle had been gone. Some of which would definitely have landed him in jail. He was a reckless nobody, and Kyle didn't love him.

He loved who he used to be.

He wished that he was still that person that Kyle remembered. He wished that he was the same stable and carefree man that earned his love so long ago, but he wasn't, and he feared that he would never again be who he was then.

"I think it's about time for you to go." Kyle mumbled gently before taking a little sip of his coffee, although Kenny didn't really consider the beverage in Kyle's slender hands coffee. Most of the cup was filled with milk and creamer, so only about one third of it was actually filled when what he had brewed in the coffee maker.

He knew that he had to go to work, but he couldn't help but wish that he could stay. No matter how bad of a decision it was on his part to pursue Kyle it was easy to fall under his spell when the blue morning glow shined in through the windows and left him looking so soft and bright.

"I suppose so... Do you want to walk me out?" Kenny asked as he set his empty coffee mug on Ike's wooden table.

The smile on Kyle's face only widened before he nodded in agreement, and then stood from his chair. The blond quickly followed suit and they made their way out of the kitchen. They stopped in the garage for a somewhat awkward goodbye. Again the doors were left wide open, just as they always were, and the sleepy sun slowly rose over the trees lining their mountain. It was a glorious and beautiful sight as that glowing dot in the sky brought them morning.

Kenny rubbed the back of his head with his nails, and let a sigh escape from him. The redhead wearing only an oversized shirt and boxers stood merely a few feet away while offering a goodbye smile. Why he was so attracted to Kyle in that moment he wasn't sure, but he felt as if he should lean down for a kiss. Maybe it was just because his brain had reset itself since his ex came back, and kissing goodbye was just something they had routinely done.

He cleared his throat, gaining Kyle's undivided attention as Kenny shuffled around nervously. He doubted he would be rejected considering how close of contact they had been engaging in. After all they had been hugging, pecking, and even sleeping on the same couch. However, he couldn't shake the fear that Kyle might turn him away.

"Do you think it would be out of the question to ask for a goodbye kiss?" He almost whispered in his nervousness.

Kyle laughed. It wasn't loud and booming, but it wasn't soft either. It was the sort of laugh that made Kenny feel happy and relaxed, as if he knew he said just the right thing at the right time.

"Wait here for a minute." Kyle said as he backed away towards the kitchen door. He ran inside quickly, trying his best to get Kenny off for work before he was late, and returned with a wet rag in his hand.

He brought it to Kenny's chin, wiping off the glob of syrup that he never quite got to. His face didn't change. He didn't smile, frown, blush, or show any emotion other than fascination as Kyle cleaned his face. There was some sort of deep thought process working in his mind as the man before him used the rag to wet his dried lips, but whatever was going on in his head was halted to a complete stop when Kyle held the rag to his chest and leaned in.

His face was so round and boyish looking in the ungodly beautiful lighting that leaked into the garage from outside, and his slightly puckered lips were beyond inviting. Kenny let his lips relax as he too leaned forward, but they didn't connect right away. Uncertain and nervous, they both took their time. Kenny let the palm of his left hand caress the skin on Kyle's neck while the fingers of his right traced his gorgeous jaw line. He couldn't believe that what was happening was real. He was still waiting for harsh reality to yank him by his collar, because he was absolutely sure that the moment their lips grazed each other's skin he would jolt awake in his car alone as if the last few days had never happened.

He was wrong, though.

Kyle rubbed his full bottom lip against his, and then gently pushed forward. They were both rather rigid at first while the familiar feeling of one another's hands washed over them. It was still weird and awkward to physically be so close with someone they had only seen again for the first time in years a few days earlier, but it felt good. It felt right.

In light of this realization Kyle let his arms wrap around Kenny tightly, pulling them closer together as the both of them became lost in the warm contact. The friction between their bodies was unbelievable as they felt their chests swell up with whatever unimaginably beautiful feeling was bursting inside them. Kenny felt as if he was somehow being lifted off of the garage floor. Everything besides Kyle disappeared, and for the first time in a very long time he felt a little flicker go off inside of him. Maybe it wasn't as intense as a spark or firework, but more like a dull and aching throb that lurched from his heart. He had to fight to keep his legs from wobbling as Kyle's lips went slack and he pulled back to look in Kenny's eyes.

He was smiling softly, and Kenny couldn't will himself to pull his hand away from Kyle's cheek, where it had somehow migrated in his bliss.

The redhead's lips parted as he spoke, but Kenny was so absorbed by the gorgeous way they moved he almost missed the words they were creating.

"Have a good day." Kyle said with his arms still wrapped loosely around Kenny's torso as he spoke. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Kenny could only nod dumbly in response. He swore to God he just stepped back in time, and he didn't want to let the nostalgia building in his gut to ever go away. However, what he was feeling couldn't last forever. No matter how badly he wished it wasn't the case he knew that those little moments of delight when Kyle was around wouldn't last.

Nothing good ever lasted for very long.

With that idea in his mind he finally let his arms fall to his side before turning away from Kyle, fidgeting with his ring of keys, and pulling his car door open. He turned back to give Kyle a glance before sliding inside his Toyota. The redhead stood a few feet away from the vehicle with his arms crossed and his hands clutching at his upper arms. He never stopped smiling, and he brought one of his hands up to the side of his face to give Kenny a shy little wave goodbye.

He smiled back, and then gave a little nod of his head to acknowledge Kyle's goodbye wave before slamming his door and pulling out of the garage.

Kyle watched his ex turn out of the driveway as Kenny watched him disappear out his window.

...

Ruby was feeling more emotionally drained than she ever had before. She was sluggish, tired, and her thoughts just couldn't stay on one track. Everything started out okay, even after she saw Kenny and Kyle were sleeping on the same couch again that morning. She decided to just follow Ike's advice and let them make their own mistakes no matter how crazy it drove her. Nonetheless, everything was just fine when she first came into work. The sun was out, her co-workers were all making her laugh, and customers were coming in at a perfect pace.

That only lasted until around noon, though. She thought she saw her brother walk out of one of the aisles, but it turned out to be just a stranger. She didn't really know why it bothered her so badly, but it turned out being all she could think about. Her brother and her parents weighed on her mind so heavily she was just one bad event away from feigning sickness, going home, and calling it a day. She could never understand her family, and she wished that they could all just be normal for once in their god forsaken lives. That would never be, though. They had never been a normal family.

Craig was adopted before she was born, but the moment Ruby came along he was tossed aside. Just her being born ruined any chance of Craig being accepted by their parents, which looking back was something she felt beyond guilty about. In fact, the only reason they adopted him in the first place was because they were told they would never produce a child of their own. Craig was fawned over at first, of course. Cindy and Thomas thought he was the closest thing they were ever going to have to a child of their own, so they pampered him and showered him with affections. That only lasted until Craig was about four and the miracle of Ruby's birth came along. When the Tucker's had their own biological child they really had no use for Craig, and he became set aside and unneeded. They still did things with him, like celebrating his birthday and taking him out with the family, but they never did any more than they were required to. It was the opposite with Ruby, though. They gave her everything she ever asked for. They went out of their way to get her extra gifts, and all of her parties were extravagant.

She was treated like royalty while her brother was treated like a servant. He did all the house work, all the yard work, and any other humiliating task they asked of him. They demeaned Craig in front of her too, which definitely contributed to the horrible way she treated him as they were growing up. She didn't really think of him as a person, let alone as a brother, because he had never been treated as one.

She could still remember the first time he finally gave up and ran away.

He had only been thirteen at the time, and he just wanted to be somewhere better. Just like any other child, he wanted to be somewhere where he was loved. If she remembered correctly he was under the illusion that he would find his real parents, which obviously didn't happen.

The cops found him a few days later far away from home. She couldn't remember exactly where he was, but he covered some pretty impressive ground for only being gone for three days. He probably would have never been found if Token and Clyde weren't worried enough to get ahold of their friend and find out where he was. They were lucky Craig decided to bring along his phone and charger, because it took his friends three hours of negotiating to finally convince him to turn himself in an come home.

He was never the same after he came back. He became more of a problem than he ever was before when he stopped taking his parent's shit. He refused to do his chores, and when someone demeaned him he was quick to defend himself at all costs. This caused even more tension and hatred in the household, which put an enormous strain on all of them. Around that time Ruby hated him the most. He didn't answer to her anymore, and she couldn't stand it. She began to blame him for every problem their family had, and she told him awful horrible things in hopes that he would run away again.

He went through another metamorphosis of sorts when he turned fifteen. That was of course around the time he started hanging around Tweek. He seemed more chipper than usual and wasn't as quick to start or participate in fights. That was also the time Ruby took her bitchiness to a whole other level.

God, she hated who she used to be. He was her brother, they were supposed to be there for each other. They were supposed to take care of each other, but instead she treated him like a doormat. She didn't think she could ever forgive herself for how she treated him, and she wasn't mad that he couldn't either.

For the rest of her work day she couldn't take her thoughts from her family. Even when she rang up customers and participated in idle chit chat her mind was in only one place. Maybe that's why she didn't realize who was standing in front of her as she scanned random assortments of groceries.

"How are you?" Came the simple question as she slid a loaf of bread over the scanner.

"Well I'm here." She commented offhandedly before glancing up at the person before her.

She felt her heart lurch up out of her chest, and her hands that were once quickly working we're left still in her shock.

"Craig? What are you doing here?" She asked stupidly.

"Well... This is a grocery store... So I guess I came for food." He replied in his usual nasally tone, seemingly uninterested in the conversation.

She blinked, feeling a bit furious with his nonchalant answer, and then distracted herself with pushing the rest of his items through the line. When all of his groceries were bagged and he had received his receipt she was sure he would take his stuff and go, but he didn't budge. His cart was full of bags and someone was waiting in line, but he just stood there staring as if he was trying to decide on something.

"Close your eyes." He blurted out, keeping his own gaze trained on his sister from over the counter.

"Uh... Excuse me?" Ruby almost laughed out in confusion.

"I said close your eyes, then hold out your hand." He ordered.

She was untrusting of his intentions, but did what was asked of her. She let her eyes scrunch together, engulfing her in darkness, and then hesitantly lifted one of her arms outward. She heard a jingle that somehow sounded familiar, and then the warm feeling of his hands working around her wrist. If she said the whole situation wasn't awkward she would be lying, but awkward contact was better than none at all.

"Okay." He mumbled out, giving her the all clear to open her eyes.

When she did her knees began to wobble and her eyes started watering. Around her wrist that was once bare was Karen's friendship bracelet. The little leather strap was hooked loosely around her appendage by metal clamps, right where it had belonged.

She was struck speechless in her surprise, so it took her a few long seconds to steady herself so that she could speak.

"How? Where did you find this?"

He scratched the back of his neck, unsure if he made the right decision by giving it back. He cared about Ruby as a sister, but nearly hated her as a person. Part of him wanted to keep the bracelet and pawn it off somewhere, but he knew that wasn't the right thing to do. He was a cop, after all, he had to make the moral decisions. Even if it meant doing something kind for someone he didn't exactly appreciate all the time.

"I found it in one of the aisles. It was on the floor." Was the only reply he could muster.

She wanted to somehow say more. She wanted to do more. Something deep inside of her made her want to jump over the counter and cling to her older brother like an overemotional child. Although she may have purposefully amplified the tragedy of her brothers childhood, things weren't always bad. There were times throughout their lives when he protected her and did things for her, even though he knew she would never thank him or do anything in return.

Those were the memories that flashed through her head when she was having her breakdown in Ike's kitchen. In that one horrible moment she didn't remember all the bad she had done. She didn't remember the fights and all of the horribly cruel things that she said.

All she remembered was when Craig would make her soup when she was sick, and how he stayed up all night teaching her how to play Tomb Raider when she was upset. She remembered when he would defend her from her parents on the rare occasion that their anger be directed at her, and she remembered that he was the one to teach her how to ride a bike.

There was only one thing she had wanted to do, and that was to turn back time so maybe she could at least thank him just once for taking care of her when she was ill and upset. She wanted to go back with such an aching longing she was beginning to experience physical pain in her chest and stomach.

"Thank you... really." She finally said.

He cleared his throat nervously as the woman in line behind him tapped her foot impatiently. He disregarded her thank you, but not because he didn't appreciate it. He had simply never heard her say it before, so he had no idea what he was supposed to say in return.

"I know what you did... with dad and all, and how you defended my engagement with Tweek." He spoke quickly in hopes of clearing the way for other customers soon. "I know you got kicked out because of it. I guess... Well..."

He was having a really hard time thanking her for what she had done. For a while after he heard about what happened he was sure that she did what she did for her own benefit somehow. She had never stood up for him before, and the only things she ever said about Tweek were so ignorant and horrible there were many occasions where he wanted nothing more than to punch her in the face. There was something different about this, though. She was practically homeless until Ike took her in, jumping back and forth between whatever households would take her. Defending Craig and Tweek was something she had done solely because she knew it was the right thing to do, and he admired her for that.

"Yeah... I get it." She said with a small smile.

Her brother grinned back at her, and gave a small nod of his head. They didn't have to say much to understand each other. She just knew what he wanted to say, and he knew that she appreciated the sentiment.

While Ruby was having a heartwarming reuniting with her brother, Kenny was experiencing his own confrontation. However, it was a little less heart warming and a little more soul crushing. Stan came into the tobacco store, just as he had nearly every other day before. That day was different, though. He came in with a hand rolled smoke already dangling from between his lips, and his hands were nervously tucked into his pant pockets. His hair was disheveled, and his ice blue eyes looked tense. He came to the counter and struck up conversation, but as soon as his lips parted Kenny knew this wasn't a friendly visit.

After all, they weren't friends anymore.

"I hear that you and Kyle are getting along well." He had said with the twitch of his lip. Kenny wasn't sure how everyone in town always seemed to know his business with Kyle, but he couldn't say that he was surprised. South Park was a small town, and everyone always knew everyone else's business.

"So, what's it to you?" Kenny retorted defensively. He couldn't say he blamed Stan for wanting to look out for his best friend, but Kenny was sick and tired of these you-guys-should-just-stay-the-fuck-away-from-each-other talks. Between him and Kyle he was sure at least half a dozen had been dished out, and he didn't need to hear another.

Stan wasn't holding back, though.

"He still loves you." Stan admitted with his arms crossed and his eyes sharp. It wasn't just an everyday statement. It came off as some sort of threat. A threat that told Kenny if he ever did anything to use Kyle's feelings to his own advantage he would snap his neck.

"I know." Kenny replied, equally as venomous. He gave a sly smirk in protest, and then added with a cocky tone, "He already told me."

Stan was taken slightly aback for a moment. He wasn't sure if Kenny was being truthful, just messing with his head, or both. There may have been some validity to his claim, though, considering he seemed to be wearing one of Kyle's shirts.

"Don't be such a smart ass," Stan hissed.

Kenny rolled his eyes, but the fuming man on the other side of the counter was not fazed.

"You, me, and everyone else in town know that you aren't good enough. Don't be a selfish asshole and just let go of him so he can move on." He murmured in an angry growl, somehow trying to toss another threat Kenny's way indirectly.

"Thanks for giving a damn how all of this makes me feel, douchbag." Kenny retorted. It was really starting to piss him off that everyone just assumed he wanted to be all over Kyle. He never once openly stated that he wanted him back, but everyone and their mothers were quick to assume otherwise. In fact, the whole situation was killing him inside. Yes, he did want Kyle. He missed him, and he loved him. However, Kenny didn't need someone to tell him something he already knew.

Of course he wasn't good enough for Kyle.

Of course all they would do was hurt each other.

He knew those things and he struggled against them every day.

If they ever did get back together it wouldn't be because Kenny was manipulating Kyle or secretly plotting to get him back like everyone seemed to think. It would be because he would be too weak to fight against the inevitable any longer. He wished that everyone else could understand that, but he knew that they wouldn't.

They wanted him to be nothing more than a vicious criminal. They wanted Kenny to be a conniving piece of shit because it would give the town gossips something to talk about, and sadly that idea of him was enticing.

Nonetheless, Stan had somehow been affected by Kenny's last phrase. He just stood there, staring at the ratty blond. He wasn't who Stan thought he was. Sure, he had done some pretty bad things in his life, but he surely wasn't the only one. Even the greatest of men make the worst mistakes.

"If you aren't going to buy anything you should go." Kenny choked out, obviously deeply hurt.

He was sick of everyone treating him so badly. He was tired of being pegged as some horrible monster. It only made matters worse when he realized someone who had once been his most trusted friend held that same terrible opinion of him. They had been close for as long as Kenny could remember, but not anymore.

He drove home that afternoon in a daze. Everything around him was a blur as his restless mind took hold of him. He knew that Kyle was waiting for him at Ike's place. He could just picture that lovely redhead sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him to walk through that front door, just like old times. He didn't know if he should go back, though.

Kyle deserved so much better than Kenny could ever give him, and Kenny had been hurt so badly by Kyle's leaving he didn't know if he could ever really trust him again. To state things frankly, Kenny just didn't know what to do. There were really only two paths that he could take. He could follow after his ex, which would do nothing but hurt the both of them, or he could go back to living the way he did after Kyle left, which would spare Kyle, but still leave him hurting. At least if he decided to rekindle their relationship he could be happy for at least a little while, even though it wouldn't last.

But he couldn't do that.

On his way down Main Street he was surprised to see a large detour sign signaling him to get off the road and take another way round. He bunched up his nose in confusion, but followed the instructions along with a few other cars by steering off his usual course onto one of the side roads. He let out a rather heavy sigh, which somehow relieved some tension in his chest, then decided that he just wanted to stop thinking so much and get back to Ike's. He knew that Ruby would have been home by that time, and he just wanted to spend some time with people he knew didn't look down on him. No matter how much they had been through Ike and Ruby where on his side, and that was a good feeling.

They weren't the only ones, though. Wendy and Bebe had been very good friends with him for a very long time, and he was starting to feel guilty since he hadn't visited them in a few weeks.

His mind was halted like a car smashing against a brick wall when he came upon the street he was raised on. He had managed to avoid that part of town since the incident, but if he wanted to get back he really had little other choice. The houses that belonged to who used to be his neighbors passed by him out his window, and a deep, horrifying, knot slowly began to build in his stomach. As each house passed him by he knew that soon he would be confronted with the empty lot his own home once stood on. That shitty shack was torn down after the majority of the family inside had been murdered, leaving nothing behind but an equally as shitty lot. He could see it out his windshield, so he slowed his car to a crawl before he could pass it by. The weeds and grass managed to grow tall and healthy, and the old rusted swing set he once played on with his siblings was nearly over-run with the ugly vegetation.

Suddenly a wide assortment of images flashed before his eyes in bursts. His mother and siblings were there in his mind. They screamed, just as he had when he realized there was no way out. It was so sudden, so quick, yet felt like an eternity. His father was there, too. Kenny knew that he was even though he couldn't see him anywhere. Kevin's face came to mind. It was twisted with horror and his eyes were glistening with urgency. His elder brother's mouth moved quickly, but Kenny couldn't make out what he was saying over all the noise. A firm grip found its way on Kenny's hood, and Kevin shoved him backwards in desperation. He only wanted to protect his little brother, just as any good sibling would have done. Just like how Kenny wanted to protect Karen, and how Carol tried to protect all three of her children.

Kenny died the next morning at the hospital.

Stuart held on, despite the grotesque amount of deformities he was left with.

The memory of all the pain he felt that night set off an unexpected explosion that devastated him beyond words. He was told that he would find peace and satisfaction after the people who hurt his family were brought to justice, but he had no solace in knowing they were in prison. Nothing could ever bring his family back, no matter what anyone did.

A loud horn blared behind him, snapping him out of his trance and making him realize that he slammed on his breaks. A disgruntled driver swerved around him and continued down the road after nearly rear ending Kenny. He was gripping his steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white, and the rest of his body was shaking and trembling as sweat streamed down his forehead. He couldn't get his brother's expression out of his head. He couldn't forget that destroyed look in his brown eyes when he realized there was nothing he could do for them. Karen's voice always accompanied that look on Kevin's face. She was screaming louder than he had ever heard before. It was shrill and desperate as she died a slow and agonizing death on the other side of that door. They were separated by nothing more than a flimsy piece of wood, but it still took them far too long to get to her. A part of him was thankful for that little detail. They couldn't have saved her, no matter when they got into her room. At least he didn't have to watch her die.

He hated himself so much.

He broke his most treasured promise that night, and never again did he dress in purple.

His fist made harsh and painful contact with the dashboard, shaking the windshield and making all the little trinkets hanging from his rear view mirror clink together loudly as if they were in distress. He glared up at his collection on the mirror. With a rush of anger and adrenaline he ripped the pair of fuzzy dice from their perch, threw open his car door, jumped to his feet, and then tossed them onto the railroad tracks just a few feet away. He was beyond furious. Never again did he want to be reminded of the past. He wanted Stan, Cartman, and all his childhood memories with those assholes to be gone forever. He reached back into the car and ripped his sibling's pictures from their place. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to look down at their faces. However, he knew that all it would do was trigger more flashbacks. His PTSD was running wild, and the last thing he needed was to agitate it. Nonetheless, he ran his finger over Karen's picture and began sobbing. He paced back and forth on the side of the road with his fingers clutched over his mouth to muffle his own cries. He didn't understand why he couldn't die with them. He couldn't understand why his father, who had caused the whole tragedy, got to live when his innocent children had to suffer agonizing demises.

"Karen," He literally choked out in his stupor. "What am I supposed to do?"

Again, he had to stop and give himself some time. Cars passed by him on the street, but not one even gave him a second glance.

"I don't know what to do!" He screamed in the palm of his hand with both eyes slammed closed and his free digits shaking violently as they squeezed tightly to their pictures.

"I just want to be with you." He admitted weakly through his heavy tears.

The summer sun was out, and it shined brightly down upon him and his misery. However, it did nothing to ease his unbearable pain. Just then the stuffed dice he threw to the ground began to vibrate, and the cross arms began to move into place, denying entrance to oncoming traffic. He wiped the water from his face and stood in silence as a dot began to roll in from far in the distance. He blinked and clutched tighter to the plastic in his hands, and as he did so a train whistle blared from the end of the tracks.

The black locomotive came closer and closer as it's loud, ear busting horn again blew. He took in a deep breath, and then stepped closer to the railroad. It's wheels were massive and heavy. They were definitely strong enough to crush whatever blocked their path. The heavy metal of a truck, or the feeble flesh and bone of a human being. Kenny knew this from experience.

It came closer and closer as his mind raced one thousand miles a minute. He wanted the release of death, and he wanted to be with his family. Yet, somehow, he was afraid that if he died he might not come back again. That idea never seemed like much of a problem before, but he had something to live for.

Kyle was waiting for him, but so was Karen.


	10. It Hurts so much to Hurt You

Amberr-Lynn, MakenzieMcCormick, Bubbl3wrapGuy, BubbleG00se, Flika, a guy in a cave, A Shining Starr, and Crazy88inator! Thanks for all your awesome support and reviews!

Okay, this chapter is late for a few reasons. First off I had a three day weekend and decided to write all three days. Also, this is a really important chapter and I had to make sure it was written as perfectly as I could manage.

Sorry for the slightly extended wait, but I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter Theme: Evanescence - Forgive me

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><p>The Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Ten; It Hurts so much to Hurt You

"Kenny should have been home hours ago," Kyle mumbled out in his concern while he paced in the kitchen, just as he had been doing since he realized his ex was terribly late coming home.

"Don't worry about it," Ruby said in a sorry attempt to console the nervous man pacing the floor. "I'm sure he's just fine. Kenny likes to run off from time to time."

Ike didn't look quite as convinced as Ruby, but he nodded in agreement anyway. Then he added, "He's probably just out messing around."

"Messing around?" Kyle mimicked his brother as his chest filled up with anxiety. He may not have officially been back together with Kenny, but the thought of that blue eyed blond he was so familiar with being in someone else's bed still managed to make his skin crawl. It was hard enough for Kyle to ignore that he probably slept around quite a bit in the last four years.

Ruby shook her head, and then let her eyes roll in their sockets.

"Not like sleeping around." She clarified once she noticed the misplaced sound of apprehension in Kyle's voice. She then cleared her throat and continued. "Ike meant that he might be out for a drive or something like that."

"Who goes on a drive for three hours?" He mumbled more to himself than anyone else. He didn't really know what Kenny could be up to, but whatever it was wasn't good. He couldn't really explain it, but something just wasn't right. Maybe Kenny really was fucking around with somebody. It wouldn't really be much of a surprise knowing how he and his sex drive could be. They weren't exactly together, either. For all Kyle knew Kenny could have been involved with someone. Although he doubted that theory. They had spent every day together since they'd both been living with Ike, which probably wouldn't have happened if Kenny was with someone else.

He may have been a very promiscuous man, but he wasn't an unfaithful one. At least he wasn't to Kyle, anyway.

"What is it with you two, anyway?" Ruby asked as she peeled open a can of SpaghettiOs. She was standing at the counter while Ike was sitting back in a kitchen chair by the table. "I mean… despite the fighting you two are pretty chummy. It's sort of weird."

Kyle leaned up against the refrigerator and rubbed at his eyes with his hands while he thought up a reply.

"I don't know what's up with us." He admitted with an uncertain and wavering chuckle. It was the truth, too. He didn't have any idea what he and Kenny were. There was no denying that there was still a strong desire from both men to reunite as a whole, but there was so much in the way. Past traumas, doubts, confusion, and circumstances stood between them like a mountain.

Mountains could be moved, though. It definitely wouldn't be an easy task, but Kyle knew it could be done.

"I thought you guys were getting back together." Ike confessed. "You do choose to sleep together every night in a room that has two perfectly good couches. And it looked like you had a pretty good time at the fair."

Kyle's face flushed a deep crimson when he remembered the night before hand. They skipped out on the fair completely and somehow by the end of the night ended up locking lips. It felt weird to think about it, considering just a week beforehand he never dreamed he would have been in Kenny's embrace again.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I saw you hugging in the driveway out my window last night." Ike said in a way that sounded almost accusatory. "Why are you all over him if you don't know where your relationship stands. Do you even want to get back with him?"

Kyle blinked at the question. It was such a sudden and unexpected change in conversation, and it left him feeling beyond uncomfortable.

"I... I don't know what I want." He lied through his teeth. He knew exactly what he wanted, but he also knew it was wrong. It must have been. He should have lost the privilege of being with Kenny the moment he walked out on him. Admitting that he wanted another chance would only set him up for disaster.

Nonetheless, the anxiety in his belly only grew. He couldn't quit glancing up at the clock on Ike's wall. He hoped desperately that Kenny would walk through the kitchen door soon.

"Well then don't lead him on." Ruby jumped in with her eyebrows pinched together. "Don't hug him, don't flirt with him, and don't sleep on his couch if you don't know what it is you want. I was trying not to get too deep into this, but he's going to think that you want him back if you keep this up."

Kyle listened intently with his palm cupping his cheek in contemplation.

"What if I do want him back?" He finally asked, looking much more determined than he had only a few moments earlier.

Ruby quickly opened her mouth to reply with her nose scrunched and her eyebrows pinched together. However, a sudden movement from across the room distracted her. The kitchen door creaked open lazily, and Kenny finally stumbled in. Wendy came in behind him, looking both deeply concerned and apologetic. She was wearing what could only be described as workout clothes, and her long black hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She looked toned and fit, just like she always had.

Kenny, on the other hand, looked absolutely awful.

His hair was matted, his clothes were crooked and messy looking, and his eyes were heavy with dark bags hanging under them. He stood there in the middle of the kitchen, swaying side to side as his drunken eyes tried to the best of their ability to adjust to the lighting in the kitchen.

Kyle had to stop himself from launching across the room and throwing his relieved arms around the disoriented blond. Kenny looked so weak, though. He looked so tired and fragile Kyle was afraid he may crumble to dust if he even gave a loving caress of his cheek.

"Kenny? Are you okay?" Kyle asked after soaking in the sloppy sight before him. "Where were you?"

"I got hit by a train." He grumbled out. Kenny rubbed sleepily at one of his eyes with the edge of his knuckles while mumbling out barely coherent babble. He had his orange hood draped loosely over this cranium, and the brown mock fur it was trimmed with bunched up around his cheeks. He looked unbelievably sick, but those details only distracted Kyle for a few moments.

"You what?" Ruby gasped out in utter disbelief. The whole concept sounded incredibly unrealistic, and Kenny was quite obviously in one piece. However, it was quite a shocking story.

He was having too much trouble standing to repeat himself for her. He was wobbly and grabbing at the doorframe, so Kyle moved across the room to help him keep his balance. Kenny immediately took to him, and used the other man as a sort of living crutch.

The drunk was trying his best to communicate, but he wasn't doing a very good job. Barely anything he said seemed logical, and he could only speak in very small or broken sentences.

"A train. It hit me. I mean... I jumped. Wow, you smell so good." He blurted out in an intoxicated, yet very frail, giggle as he fell against Kyle's shoulder with his face.

No one in the room seemed to know what to think. All four of them just stood awkwardly and stared at Kenny as he hiccupped. His claims were so incredibly outrageous that not a single person in the room believed what he was saying. They chalked it up to whatever he was wasted on and let it slide. At least most of them did, anyway.

"If a train hit you how are you still walking around?" Kyle inquired with one brow cocked as he humored Kenny and his inebriated ramblings. Again, he was far too intoxicated to reply so he shrugged his shoulders. By this time everyone's gaze averted to Wendy, who looked just as worried about Kenny as those he lived with.

"I found him stumbling around by the train tracks while I was on my night jog." She informed the group. "I got in his car and drove him here. I mean… I would have let him come to my house, but we've already got Craig and Tweek in our spare room. And with them and everyone else who's living there right now I just didn't have room."

Ruby was more interested in the last half of Wendy's sentence, but decided it best to keep it in the back of her mind and ask later.

Ike lifted his hand as if to dismiss all of her worries, and then said, "We're glad you brought him here. This is where he lives, after all."

"Aww," Kenny blurted out goofily as he struggled to keep his legs from wobbling. "You really do love me."

Ike rolled his eyes, albeit there was a little grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "Kyle, can you take Kenny into the living room and lay him down? That dumbass needs to get off his feet before he hurts himself."

Kyle nodded quickly in understanding, and then gently guided his companion towards the living room door. When alcohol was coursing through Kenny's veins he had two left feet, meaning it was no easy task to lead him anywhere. Even trying to help him across the room was a task. They managed to open the door and take a few steps towards the couch, but Kenny's stomach decided at that moment that it was unhappy with whatever he ate for lunch. He suddenly jerked forward, and his gut emptied itself all over the front of his parka and in Kyle's shoes.

"Oh god, Kenny." The redhead scolded softly in disgust as his feet soaked in vomit.

"I'm sorry." came a choked out and helpless reply from the floor, where he was sitting with his legs curled up underneath him and his head leaned forward to keep the string of bile dripping from his mouth from getting on his already soiled clothes.

"Well fuck." Ike groaned in frustration after hearing Kenny's gagging, and then shouted from the kitchen, "The washer is broken, Kyle."

The man standing in vomit let out a long exhale before leaning down next to Kenny, who hadn't moved an inch since falling to his knees. He brushed a few scraggly strands of blond hair away from his ex's forehead, and then tucked his forearm under one of Kenny's armpits to bring him back to his feet.

There was no other way to describe it, Kenny was just pathetic.

He wasn't at all the person Kyle remembered being in love with. Sure he still drank and got in his fair share of trouble back then, but he knew when to stop. He knew when enough was enough, and he had always been the one to hold Kyle's hair back when he barfed up a cocktail of stomach acid and alcohol. Kenny was the one who was responsible with his drinking, many years as a drunken teenager taught him the wrongs and rights in intoxication. Kyle, on the other hand, was an inexperienced lightweight who liked having his more experienced lover there to keep a keen and watchful eye on him when they got wasted at parties.

He wasn't that person at all anymore.

He became a helpless and directionless man who had become nothing more than a waste of space, despite what Kyle believed.

"You know, if you want you can bring your dirty laundry down to my house. I'm sure Bebe won't mind." Wendy offered from the kitchen. "We've got a lot of people living with us right now, though. You'll have to come over in the morning when everyone's up."

Kyle let out a sound of relief before shouting, "Thanks Wendy! I'll bring them down in the morning."

By some miracle he managed to assist Kenny through the living room, down the hall, and into the bathroom, where he stripped him of his soiled clothes and tossed them in the bath. Kenny was very resistant. He kept pushing Kyle away and mumbling out that he didn't need help and that he could do it himself.

"Don't be stubborn, asshole," Kyle grumbled out calmly as he turned on the bathroom sink. "You can't do this by yourself right now."

"No!" He protested angrily. "I-I told you I can do it so let me!"

The explosive sound of Kenny's voice sent Kyle stumbling back a few inches in surprise. He was suddenly so agitated, and Kyle didn't know what to think of it.

Kenny leaned forward, wet a cloth from the side of the sink, and then wiped his face with it. He was functioning, but still so disoriented that he was having trouble keeping his footing.

"Kenny, please. You can clean up yourself, but at least let me hold you up." He begged with concern dripping from his words, afraid Kenny would fall and hurt himself.

Said drunk used the towel rack on the front of the sink to steady himself, and after a moment of fuzzy contemplation he nodded in defeat.

While Kyle moved closer to assist Kenny, Ike and Ruby were in the living room with Wendy. She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly and shifted from side to side. She had never been inside Ike's house before, although she had came by with Ruby when she and Cartman helped her move in, and she could hear what sounded like very big and angry dogs snarling from somewhere inside the house.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" She inquired sadly as she let her arms fall to her sides.

"I don't know," Ruby replied to her concerned friend with a frown. "This isn't the first time he's come to us like this."

Wendy's eyes softened and her whole frame seemed to sink a bit at the news. Kenny had always been her friend. Maybe not so much during their elementary school days, but they spent their fair share of time together all throughout middle school and high school. Especially when he got together with Kyle, considering her close ties with him and Stan. She and Bebe were the ones who remained close with him even after his spat with Ike, and she didn't want to see him this way. He was always so laid back and fun loving. He was the kind of guy who could get anyone out of a jam and was more than happy to do so. She missed that Kenny, and she would be lying if she said she didn't worry about him every day.

"Maybe... We should get him some sort of help." She suggested feebly.

"He already has help." Ike reminded her. "He goes to a therapist twice a week."

"And how has that helped him?" Ruby jumped in with her two cents. "He still gets himself in trouble, and if his therapist caught wind of him drinking he would have to report it, wouldn't he? I think that would be something they told him not to do until the charges are dropped."

All three of them fell silent. They couldn't just stand back and watch as their good friend destroyed himself, but they didn't really seem to have any other choice. Reporting his drunken ways could get the poor man sent straight to prison for violating his court agreement. They were trapped, and they were feeling almost as helpless as he was.

"As far as I know alcohol is the only thing he's been into," Ike commented as he leaned back against the counter. "At least we haven't caught him with the hard drugs he used to take."

That much was true, but they didn't know of his other damaging habits. They didn't know about all the times he killed himself to feel the rush drugs didn't give. They didn't know about all the times he hung himself, drown himself, and cut himself in hopes of never opening his eyes again.

He was starting to second guess all that now that Kyle was back, though. He still had moments where he wanted nothing more than to die, but there was a small voice in the back of his head that had never been there before. It was a calm voice that tried to coax him away from the ledge when he was just about to jump. It wasn't loud enough to break through quite yet, but it was getting there.

"I hate to leave with Kenny here like this, but I've got to get home before everyone lays down for bed," Wendy mumbled as she glanced out the darkening window over the kitchen sink.

"It's alright. I'll drive you home." Ike offered. "You aren't hiking all that way."

She thanked him and moved towards the door, but Ruby stopped her before she could take a step.

"Wait, you said that my brother and Tweek are in your spare room?" She asked suddenly with a look in her eyes that pleaded for more information.

"Oh, yeah. They've got termites. Their whole house is being fumigated so they're stuck with us for about a week. Clyde's sister, Bonnie, and her two kids are with us now, too. She lost her factory job a few months ago. Not to mention Cartman just moved in so we could live together, and let me tell you our house was not built for nine people." She added the last part with a bit of a chuckle as if she didn't really mind the cluster of people sleeping on the couches and floors of her and Bebe's home.

"Craig and Cartman in the same house? That sounds like a disaster just waiting to happen." Ike chuckled as he shuffled through his spare drawer for his car keys.

"It's a disaster that's already happened." Wendy replied with the roll of her eyes. "Cartman just can't get along with anyone. We can barely stand each other most the time."

"Then why are you with him? You two are so different I honestly don't know how you can't absolutely despise one another," Ruby said while cocking her brow.

"Well," Wendy started with her finger to her lips in contemplation, "I guess you could call it a love hate relationship."

...

Kenny woke the next morning with a little shove to his shoulder. He groaned out in annoyance, not at all wanting to wake up with the headache that was pounding in his skull, and then pulled the blanket that covered him over his head.

"Kenny, you've got to get up. You have work." Kyle ordered.

"No. It's Wednesday. I don't work on Wednesday." Kenny shot right back from his comfortable position on the couch.

"Well... alright then, but I'm not going to be home today. I'm bringing the laundry to Wendy and Bebe's then hanging around town."

"What? What is there to do in town?" He asked groggily from under his sheets.

"Well, Stan lives there for one."

Kenny let out a long and disgruntled groan at mention of that asshole's name. He didn't like Stan much anymore, and the last thing he wanted was for Kyle to spend time with him just so he could fill his head with nonsense.

"Stan's an ass." Kenny growled. "He's always been an ass."

Kyle let a little smile spread across his face. Kenny and Stan had always been pretty good friends, but that didn't stop them from becoming rivals and getting into some pretty ridiculous fights. The one that Kyle remembered the most happened junior year, after he had been dating Kenny for quite a few months. They were in the same red Toyota that was sitting in the garage. Kenny was driving, Kyle was in the passenger seat, and Stan was sitting in the back. Around that time Kyle was spending more time with Kenny than he ever had before, cutting big chunks out of how much time he spent with his best friend. Stan was not at all happy with this. He didn't care that they were dating, but he felt like Kyle was blowing him off and he didn't want to lose his best friend. The fight all started simply because Kenny overheard them making plans to hang out that friday, and he pointed out that him and Kyle had already decided to go on a date that night.

"Well too bad." Stan barked from the seat behind his super best friend. "You guys are always together, you can't just take him like that."

"He's my boyfriend!" Kenny had argued loudly as he gripped the wheel. "I can take him any day I want."

"That might be true, but he's my best friend! You don't get to have him every day of the damn week!" Stan recoiled from the back seat.

Kyle sank low into his seat as Cartman, who was sitting next to Stan, rolled his eyes and grumbled in annoyance. It was definitely one of the most awkward situations Kyle had ever been in. He didn't know whether he should tell them to all calm the fuck down or just keep his mouth closed. When the fighting continued to escalate he finally did shout at them. They were silent for the rest of the trip, but the anger and jealousy never really died between the two until they got older and moved on past high school.

"Why do you say that?" Kyle asked once he was done reminiscing.

"He came into the shop yesterday. He told me to stay away from you just like everyone else, but he was a real dick about it." He groaned out in response.

Kyle let out a long sigh. It was no surprise that Stan would go out of his way to do something like that. He wasn't trying to be a douche, it was just the way he came off. After all, Stan was a man who didn't know the definition of subtlety.

"Well what did he say to you?" Kyle asked as he plopped down next to the couch and rested his elbows on the cushions.

Kenny pulled his blanket down, and then glanced back over his shoulder at Kyle. He just laid there, looking at the man situated beside him before disregarding his question and asking, "How is it you aren't mad at me?"

"Uh, what?" He asked, dumbfounded by the unexpected change in conversation.

"I came home wasted twice, dug through your luggage, and barfed on you. How the hell are you not furious with me?" He clarified with a groggy tone.

"Well, I'm not happy with you," Kyle admitted with the expression on his face morphing into something that resembled disappointment, "but I don't want to fight with you either."

Kenny let his heavy eyes close as he huffed out a hot puff of air from his nostrils. He would much rather Kyle be furious with him than disappointed, but he couldn't blame him. The drunk damn well wasn't anything to be proud of, and he knew that. Sadly, it was really all he knew.

"Now, tell me what Stan said to you." Kyle continued poking at Kenny in hopes of getting an answer.

"It's not important. He didn't say anything that I didn't already know." He continued, obviously not wanting to talk about it.

Kyle frowned, and opened his mouth as if to continue his interrogation. However, Kenny cut him off when he quickly pulled himself off of the couch and tossed his legs over the edge. His hair was sticking out every which way, and he looked sick and tired as he yawned.

"If you're going down to Wendy's can I come, too?" He asked as he rubbed crud from his eyes.

"Well... I don't see why not," came the reply before Kyle peeled himself off the floor and headed towards the bathroom.

Again, he wasn't really wearing much that morning. Oversized shirts and boxers seemed to be his idea of pajamas, and Kenny couldn't say he minded. His wild red hair was even pulled back into a clip, probably to keep his forehead cool in the summer heat, which was something Kenny had never seen the likes of before.

When he looked down at his own body he realized he was wearing something very similar. He couldn't remember much about the night before hand other than waking up on the train tracks, and then nearly drinking himself to death. And even though he had a fuzzy recollection of being brought home and barfing all over the floor, what was definitely something he wished he didn't recall, he didn't remember anything about changing his clothes.

Kyle must have done it after he had passed out.

He lifted up his shirt to see if he was wearing the same briefs he was the day before, and, much to his awkward relief, he was. After pulling his shirt, which was actually Kyle's, down over his skinny bare thighs he sat and waited for said redhead to return.

After a long while Kyle emerged from the hallway with a large cloth bag that was stuffed to the brim with clothing, and he had a smaller plastic bag in his other hand that could only contain the clothes Kenny soiled the previous night. He was finally dressed in nice jeans and a short sleeved shirt, and was looking expectantly at the man on the couch. Much to Kenny's dismay, Kyle had removed his cute little clip from his hair after he managed to smooth it down a bit.

The blond still looked so small and unsure, especially in the huge black shirt that practically swallowed his thin frame. Kyle's eyes softened when he realized Kenny was shaking as if he was very cold. That couldn't be, though, seeing how it was the hottest day of the summer.

"You okay?" Kyle asked for the hundredth time in the last week.

Kenny replied with the nod of his head, and then allowed his body to go limp so that he would fall back over onto the couch. His head was pounding horribly, and he couldn't really see straight. Kyle dropped his bags of laundry so that he could kneel down and press his hand to Kenny's forehead.

"Maybe you should stay home and sleep this off." He suggested sadly while his hand lingered against Kenny's skull.

"No. I want to come with you." He whimpered out, sounding much more like a kicked puppy than a grown man.

Seeing Kenny that way made all of Kyle's caregiving instincts kick into over drive. He wanted to help him, and he wanted him to get better. However, there was nothing Kyle could do if Kenny couldn't help himself.

"I really wish you wouldn't do this to yourself." He said sincerely as his knuckles grazed the skin on Kenny's cheek. "You need to put your life back together."

The sick man on the couch moaned out in disagreement, which made Kyle's face twist in frustration.

"You are listening to me, aren't you?"

"Mnh, yes," came the lagged response.

"Do you have anything in your car that you shouldn't?" Kyle asked sternly.

"Um... No."

"Don't lie to me, Kenny."

He fell silent for a few minutes with his eyes closed and his jaw relaxed before building up the courage to tell the truth.

"Yes. I have a lot."

"Okay then. We're biting this in the ass." Kyle let out as he stood tall and reached out for Kenny's hand.

"What do you mean?" He groaned, not liking what he was hearing.

"We're going to your car and we're throwing away everything you aren't supposed to have." Kyle explained, his eyes trained intensely on Kenny with his arm still extended.

"You can't do that! I paid for everything in that car!" came the inevitable protest.

"Listen, if you keep this up you're either going to get yourself arrested our killed. I want to help you get better, but there isn't anything I can do for you if you aren't willing to at least try to help yourself." He warned, although the horrid concern in his voice was more than apparent.

Saying that Kenny was amazed would be an understatement. No one had ever been that straight forward with him before, and he had to appreciate Kyle's good intentions.

"So... if I get rid of the booze... You think it might make things better?" He asked a little more skeptically than he had intended. He had always used alcohol to help him get through his pain, and he really didn't want to go on without it.

He didn't know if he could.

"Of course I do." He almost whispered with a deep look of determination on his face. "And I know that you think things won't get better no matter what you do. I can see that in your eyes when you look at me, like right now. You're looking at me like I'm insane."

Kenny let his gaze wander to the floor in mortification so that he didn't have to see the expression on Kyle's face anymore, but Kyle wasn't having any of that. He hooked his finger under his friend's chin and brought his face back up into his view.

"You think you'll never get better, but I know you can."

"No, Kyle. You don't know." Kenny murmured before jerking his face away from the hand grasping his chin. "You think that I'm fixable, but I'm not."

He was still suffering from his massive migraine, so his words were slowed and sometimes slurred, but Kyle could make out every word nonetheless.

"So what are you saying? That you're a lost cause? That you'll never move on from what happened? I'm sure Karen wouldn't want that."

"Don't even mention my sister." Kenny hissed, suddenly frustrated with the conversation. He wouldn't usually swap moods so quickly, but mention of his family members tended to do that to him.

"Karen wouldn't want that, Kevin wouldn't want that, Carol wouldn't want that." Kyle provoked with his eyes narrowing. "Your brother died to save you and look at what you're doing with yourself!"

"Shut up! Do you ever fucking stop?" Kenny growled furiously before launching himself to his feet and storming back and forth the room like a caged animal. He cradled his throbbing head in his hands as he paced. "I don't understand what you want from me!"

"I want you to stop drinking! You're going to get yourself in even more trouble than you're already in!" Kyle recoiled. "Look at my brother! He was in love with Karen! They were going to get married!"

By this time tears began to build up in Kyle's eyes, and they spilled over, cascading down his cheeks in streams. Despite what Kenny may have believed, the McCormick's were a big part of his life, too. He spent huge amounts of time with them, and he loved them all.

"You aren't the only one who is hurting! Ike cries every night, I can hear him through the walls when everyone's sleeping! But he doesn't go out and get wasted! He doesn't make every one who loves him worry he might not make it back home!" Kyle was so driven and passionate about his point he just couldn't stop himself. Even as Kenny paced around him and water welled up in the blond's eyes Kyle would not stop.

He needed to make him understand.

"Look at Ruby! Next time you see her really look at her! You saw what she went through, you saw how she destroyed Ike's kitchen! I never would have thought that she was capable of all that because she kept it all inside. She kept it inside because she didn't want to make it harder on us! She was taking care of us! Did you ever once stop to think of what it does to her when you do all the stupid shit you've been doing? Do you think of how it affects Ike? You might think that nobody cares about you, but your wrong! Your wrong, Kenny! Did you ever once stop to think that what you do might hurt me?"

"Why the fuck would it be hurting you?" Kenny screamed from across the room. Their argument quickly escalated into a full blown fight, but neither man gave a damn anymore. "What does anything I do have to do with you?"

"I told you that I love you and you kissed me!" He screamed, spit flying from his mouth as tears continued to slip down his cheeks. "We sleep together every night! You must understand how bad it would hurt me if anything ever happened to you. And I... I thought that..."

"You thought what, Kyle?" He spit out, just as violent and angry as ever. "You thought that you could just waltz back into my life and mold me into whoever you want me to be? It doesn't work that way! You don't get to walk out on me and expect me to eat out of your hands like you're God when you come back!"

"No, you ass!" Kyle screamed so loudly his voice echoed throughout the room, interrupting whatever tangent his ex was spewing out. "I thought you still loved me!"

Kenny went completely silent. He stopped pacing the floor and he let his watery gaze fall to his feet. His hands that were once fidgeting feverishly stopped as if they were suddenly frozen in time.

"Oh..." He murmured with his hands pushing into his pockets, suddenly he wasn't shouting anymore, and he wished he hadn't jumped to conclusions so violently. No one ever broke down in tears in fear of losing him, and no one had ever been so desperate to reach him. It was making him feel like an asshole for screaming.

Kyle was still crying by that time, but he wiped away the water on his face with the skin on his forearms.

"You... you can stop crying now." Kenny pleaded awkwardly with his hands up in the air, showing defeat.

However, he didn't stop, and Kenny didn't have the slightest idea what he should do.

"I'm going to Wendy's." Kyle declared with his face still damp with tears. "If you're coming you better get in the god damn car."

...

Wendy wasn't kidding when she said that her house was overrun with people. The first thing Kyle noticed when he pulled up to the driveway was the large cluster of vehicles. Tweeks tiny blue beetle, Bebe's yellow van, Wendy's red Ford, Cartman's grey truck, Craig's police vehicle, his civilian car, and a few others he couldn't recognize were all packed together and lining the street. Kyle pulled his little green Grand Prix in behind Craig's, and then peeked hesitantly over Kenny's shoulder to get a better look of the house before he wandered up to the door.

Their argument had never actually ended, so the angry tension in the air around them was thick and heavy. Nonetheless, neither man dared bring it up in fear of starting another horrible fight.

Kyle's eyes were finally dry, and Kenny didn't ever want to see him cry like that again.

Ignoring what was on his mind, Kyle surveyed the property. There were a lot of children's toys around, although that was no shock. A wooden swing set, a trampoline, a covered blow up pool, and a wide assortment of odds and ends littered the grass and dirt of their yard along with a wide assortment of lawn chairs and other tidbits. The house itself looked pretty large. It was an old, brick, Victorian looking building that was constructed with two stories. The windows bore lovely stain glass designs, and the porch was large enough to accommodate a party of twelve or so.

Despite no one being outside Kenny and Kyle caught movement behind some of the windows and could hear kids shouting from within the building. Luckily the house was just far out enough in the country not to have any neighbors to disturb.

Finally they decided to leave the comfort of the Grand Prix's leather interior with laundry in hand, and made their way up the little stone path to the front door. Kenny looked far more comfortable and relaxed than Kyle did. That was probably only because he had been there so many times, and Kyle had never even seen the place before.

Kenny practically jogged up to the porch with the large laundry bag in hand, making his flustered companion chase after him. He grabbed the handle and pushed open the door, then waltzed in as if he owned the place. Kyle was taken aback by just how content Kenny was with walking right in without even knocking, but he was even more confused and uncomfortable when he stepped in behind his ex.

The living room was huge, and it looked just as Victorian as it had from the outside. The walls were covered in an earthy green floral pattern and the floors were all polished wood. There were quite a few people about, too. Every one of those people were staring in startled confusion when the pair walked through the door. Kyle was so embarrassed by their confused glances that he ended up inching behind Kenny, who he was still deeply hurt by, in an attempt to hide his little body from their view, but friendly conversation erupted within seconds.

"Hey, Ken." A tired and groggy voice greeted from a very large tan couch that was nestled against the wall. A teenage boy Kyle had never seen before was laying there with a sleepy smile.

"Hey Malachi!" Kenny greeted enthusiastically, hiding his massive hang over frighteningly well. The two immediately engaged in some sort of very complicated handshake that Kyle could barely keep up with.

He wasn't sure whether to be happy Kenny wasn't obviously still upset by their fighting, or furious.

There were two other kids in the room as well. Benji was sitting on the lap of a woman Kyle was unfamiliar with, and a little girl with long brown hair was too enthralled with cartoons to even notice someone had walked in. An older man sat at the foot of the couch where Malachi was laying. Yet again, Kyle had no idea who the man was.

He felt awkward and uncomfortable. It felt almost as if he had just broken into a stranger's house only to find every person living there going about their day as if he didn't even notice his violation of their privacy. Kenny was still relatively close to the door, despite walking over to greet the teenager on the couch, and Kyle refused to move an inch out from behind him.

He wasn't usually that bashful with new people, but it wasn't every day he got dragged into an unfamiliar living room full of strangers who were just trying to enjoy their morning.

"Who's behind you?" Malachi asked in curiosity.

Kenny looked back at Kyle, who was seeking refuge in his shadow with a nervous little frown.

"This is Kyle." Kenny introduced carefully. Communicating with the man behind him had become like trying to defuse a bomb, and he was trying to be as careful as possible not to set him off. "Apparently he's shy."

His face lit up with a bright and vivid red when Kenny moved out of the way so that the teen could see him, but he smiled anyway and gave an awkward hello.

"Kyle, this is Malachi." Kenny explained. "He's Bonnie's kid, and Clyde's nephew."

As Kenny spoke the dark haired and sleepy boy waved.

"The girl who watches way too much T.V is Maribell, also Bonnie's kid, and I think you already know Benjamin."

Bonnie looked up from the small child on her lap and offered a beaming smile. She had messy brunette hair, much like her younger brother, and there was a very comforting air about her.

"He's quite cute," she said politely in reference to the bashful man who was unwillingly on display.

"He is." Kenny agreed with his eyes trained on Kyle.

Said man blushed at the compliment, both in embarrassment and fury, before asking where Wendy was so he could get as far away from his asshole ex that he could.

"She's in the kitchen packing lunch for Bebe and her boyfriend." Malachi groggily mumbled before stretching his tired limbs. "Right through that big sliding door."

Kyle took the big cloth laundry bag from Kenny's hands, and scurried away like a horrified animal.

Kenny stood frowning as he watched Kyle disappear behind a huge oak door that rolled in and out of the wall. He was quite obviously still pissed, but Kenny couldn't say be blamed him.

The three year old turned back to look for who had been talking, and caught the raggedy blond in his sights.

"Ah! Auntie BonBon, it's Uncle Ken!" He screeched with his joy. "I knew that you'd come and play trucks with me!"

Kenny was not having the best of days by any means. In fact, he could chalk it up to one of the worst days he ever had. Somehow he managed to kill himself, make Wendy drive his drunk ass home, disappoint everyone who by some miracle still cared for him, and to top it all off he made Kyle cry. However, everything seemed just the slightest bit better when little Benji was reaching out his little arms in joy.

"Hey little monster." He greeted pleasantly from across the room.

He didn't know how long it would take Kyle to get done with the laundry, so he decided that he might as well visit with the little boy who thought so much of him. It was always somehow refreshing for him when he was around children. They were so playful and upbeat, and they brought out a side of him that not many have seen in quite a long time. He could be goofy and fun, all while forgetting the problems his adult life posed for him.

So they did play. Bonnie drug out all of Benji's toys, and Maribel even joined in with them. But, just like every good thing in life, playtime was interupted.

"Eh, I can't remember where the bathroom is," he admitted as he pulled himself up off the floor. A wide assortment of toys fell off of his chest as he did so, and he reached for the crown Maribel had forced onto his head, which was much to large for the plastic prop.

"Go through the kitchen, and walk up the stairs. It's the first door on the right." Bonnie instructed.

"I'll be right back." He assured the whining children before heading for the kitchen.

He pulled the sliding door open quietly and gently rolled it closed after stepping inside. It was pretty much just as he remembered, with a brown and white checkered tiled floor and light brown wallpaper. Wendy was still making lunch, and Cartman was holding her around the waist from behind.

Kenny would never get used to that sight.

Before they could notice he was there he slipped up the staircase nestled next to the kitchen door. It was a very narrow path that followed the wall around a pretty sharp curve, and the steps were steep and covered in green carpet. There wasn't a rail either, but there where little holes in the walls where one used to be installed. When he reached the top he was happy to see the hallway was much brighter than the staircase, although it was just as narrow. A little window was hanging open at the very end of the hall, and a cute little side table with a vase of plastic flowers was situated in front of it.

The hall itself was cozy and sleepy looking, with a soft blue and white color scheme. It made him want to sleep, which was quite a mastery in interior design considering that floor contained all the bedrooms in the house. He glanced around in confusion when he realized he had forgotten which door Bonnie told him to open. He wasn't too concerned though, considering he was the only person on the floor, so he just decided to peek into each door until he saw a toilet.

He started with the left wall, and cracked open the first white door. It was a bedroom, and he guessed it was Bebe's because of the baby crib placed beside a red queen sized bed. He moved onto the next, which he assumed was Wendy and Cartman's room once he took a peek inside.

With a puff he approached the last door on the left and gently gripped the handle, hoping to god it was the bathroom. However, all of his hopes were dashed when he pulled open the door. He didn't open it quite as gently as he intended, and the thick piece of wood swung open, creaking incredibly loudly and thumping against the wall.

It wasn't awkward until he realized that he in fact wasn't the only person on that floor.

Craig and Tweek were laying comfortably in a little blue bed that was settled pleasently against the left corner of the wall, on the other side of the room from Kenny. A small white window was nestled above their fluffy haven as Tweek slept comfortably against Craig's hips. He had a large and contented smile on his face as his bare toes stretched out over the soft, blush blanket underneath them. Craig himself looked quite relaxed, laying long ways as his fiancé used his pelvis as a very bony pillow. At least he did look relaxed until Kenny nearly ripped his bedroom door off it's hinges.

"Oh, fuck. I'm sorry." Kenny murmured awkwardly, but loudly.

"Shhh!" Craig hissed like an angry cat with his index finger pressed against his lips. By that time he had propped himself up on his elbow, and he was scowling at the unwanted trash that just disturbed his nap. "Get the hell out of here before you wake Tweek up. It isn't easy for him to sleep, you know."

Every word that he spat from his mouth was quiet and soft as not to disturb Tweek any further, but the annoyance and anger in his tone was more than apparent.

Kenny wasn't very intimidated by the furious look on Craig's incredibly sharp features, which only served to piss Craig off. He didn't even make a move to leave either, which both confused and irritated him.

"What the fuck do you want?" He grumbled while trying to reposition his body without waking the comfy man nestled into the bend of his lap.

"Uh..." He didn't know what to say, or even why he didn't want to leave. There was just something so peaceful about the sight before him that it somehow relieved his sore eyes. Despite the furious scowl plaguing Craig's face he looked different than Kenny had ever seen before.

They both did.

He wanted to ask them how they managed to stay together for so long. He was curious if they ever fought like he and Kyle did, or if they really were just a perfect couple who never had any sort of issues with one another.

Craig, however, was only dumbfounded with why the fuck Kenny wouldn't leave them to nap in peace.

"Is it... okay if I ask you something really quick?" He asked while shifting from side to side. His face was twisted into a far off, awkward glance, as Craig's fury morphed into a perplexed and uncomfortable expression.

"No." He deadpanned, obviously beyond baffled by that point and wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep.

"Okay, we'll I'm gonna ask anyway." Kenny blurted out. Craig was far less intimidating when he was in his civilian clothes, so Kenny was more comfortable being annoying as fuck.

Craig rolled his eyes in frustration. "Fine. What in God's name do you want from me?"

Kenny didn't think it could get much more awkward than asking for advice from the same cop that arrested him at least ten times in the last four years, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Do you and Tweek ever fight?"

Craig blinked almost as if he wasn't sure he heard the question right.

"Are you asking me for relationship advice?" came the nasally and unbelieving response.

"Uh... Yeah."

Craig let his body go completely limp and landed face first into his pillow. Kenny wisely held in his laughter.

"Every couple fights, moron." He grumbled out through his bedding, although Kenny could still hear him.

"Well how do you stop fighting?"

Tweek began to stir against the hip he was sleeping on and let out a little high pitched groan. Suddenly Craig's angry and flustered demeanor became more relaxed and at ease. It was almost as if Craig had a switch in the back of his head that only Tweek could operate.

"It depends on the fight." He finally replied with a sigh as he moved his head so that his cheek was pressed against his pillow. "We usually just talk through things. Unless we're being douches, anyway. Then we just sort of avoid each other until the person at fault apologizes. In our case it's usually me being a douche."

"That's true." Tweek grumbled sleepily with a playful smirk. His eyes were still gently closed as if he was sleeping.

Craig made a face and stuck his tongue out at the man laying against him.

Suddenly Kenny felt very reassured knowing that Craig and Tweek had been together for nine years, and yet their relationship is still loving despite them fighting like Kenny and Kyle did on occasion.

"Thanks." He said softly as he backed out of the room.

"Yeah, whatever." Craig murmured. "Now shut the damn door and don't come back."

Kenny watched as Tweek gave the grouch next to him a playful shove in retaliation to his rudeness. Craig only closed his eyes, settled into his pillow, and then smiled.

Kenny was just about to close the door when Craig stopped him.

"Wait a second!" He called before reaching for the little stand at the foot of their bed. He snatched a pack of cigarettes from the tabletop and chucked them at the confused man in the doorway. "Take those with you. I don't need them anymore."

Tweek gave a baffled look of disbelief, but Kenny didn't stick around to see why. He gently pushed the door back into place, and then let out a heavy sigh as he poked around the little box. He knew that he had to talk to Kyle. He needed to take someones advice for once and make things right.

He kept his eyes trained on the box in his hands. It was the same pack Craig had bought a few days earlier from Kenny. He could tell because one of the corners was smashed in slightly. Kenny popped open the top and poked around inside the box. The plastic film had been removed so he expected that not all of its contents would be accounted for. Nonetheless, he was left baffled.

Not a single cigarette was missing.


	11. The Breathing Time Machine

**OKAY I WAS BEING A DUMB ASS AND UPLOADED THE WRONG THING SO I HAD TO REUPLOAD THE RIGHT CHAPTER I APOLOGIZE**

flYegurl, Fai cynic, TwinGallows, MakenzieMcCormick, A Shinning Star, Flika again thank you all for the awesome reviews! I tried to reply to everyone, but I've been busy and stressed, so I'm sorry if I couldn't get around to it.

But either way you guys should all know that I just adore everyone who reviews. You're all good friends of mine, especially those of you who have taken the time to get to know me better. I'm thankful for each and every one of you, because you're a big part of why writing is so fun to me.

Okay so I want to tell you guys that _AGAIN_ I'm sorry if I'm a little late. Last week was my last week of high school so things have been sort of weird for me and I wasn't very motivated to write. So I sort of put it off until the very end of the week . Plus, I sort of write my stories as I go and I hit a pretty big road block for a few days. Anyway, I hope all you guys enjoy this chapter. It was sort of tough to get through so it ended up much shorter than I would like, nonetheless I have tons of time to start and work on the next chapter, so it should be longer.

Chapter theme: Flyleaf - So I Thought

_Also, I illustrated the scene with Craig and Tweek in the last chapter. I may be a decent writer, but I'm a better artist. Stop by here to check it out (_remove all dashes and spaces_): h - t - t - p : / / fav . me / d51vijq _

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><p>Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Eleven; The Breathing Time Machine

"You don't look so good," Bebe commented worriedly as she leaned her back against the dryer. She was twirling one of her long blond curls as she spoke, and a concerned expression found its way onto her face. "You're eyes are all red and puffy."

"Oh, yeah. I'm okay," he mumbled. His mind was elsewhere as he filled the washer with the dirty laundry of his own household, so he wasn't paying too close attention to what she was saying.

She frowned deeply and let out a big breath. "If you say so."

He offered her a weak little grin of reassurance, but it didn't help his case much. The only thing he could think about was Kenny. No matter how he looked at it he just wanted to cry, and it showed horribly on his face. He was still in love, yet, despite all the little kisses and sweet moments, he wasn't sure if Kenny still was.

Kenny didn't even try to comfort him when he cried, and he acted so stiff and awkward once Kyle alluded to the idea of being loved back. He was left confused and upset, but he knew he shouldn't have expected much. Kenny was going through such horrible problems; there was no way he was able to handle his own feelings, let alone Kyle's. Nonetheless, it was still hurtful.

"You guys have a lot of people hanging around here," he said in an awkward attempt at distracting himself as he poured detergent into the washer.

"Not enough," Bebe murmured out with half assed laughter.

"How do you mean?" Kyle asked with a cocked brow. "I think nine people in a three bedroom house is too many."

Bebe closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. Something was happening inside her head that Kyle couldn't understand, so he didn't question it. Then, she finally parted her lips and almost whispered, "Not when you're missing two."

She was right beside him as she spoke, but she sounded a million miles away. Her arms were hugging her torso loosely, and her open eyes were trained out the window in the utility room. Kyle's face immediately dropped once he realized exactly who was missing from her household. Token and Clyde were no longer there, and by the far off look in her eyes Kyle could tell it was tearing her up inside.

One was her husband, and the other was an intimate family friend. She was so lost without them, and she died a little more inside everyday knowing that she might never see them again. War was unpredictable, and soldiers died every day.

However, every night she got down on her knees and prayed to her God that the boys were strong and lucky enough to come home again one day.

She could only hope that he was listening. Benjamin needed his father.

"So," she said unexpectedly, as if she too needed to be distracted from her own mind, "How are things at Ike's place."

Kyle chuckled while shaking his head from side to side, "Horribly stressful."

She frowned. "Oh... Well, if you ever need a place to stay you can crash here."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm sure Stan would take me in if I ever needed to move... I might do that, actually." He almost whispered more to himself than Bebe.

She cocked a brow at him, and then replied with, "Why would you want to move out? Aren't you and Ike getting along?"

"Well," he said before shutting the washer and pressing in the start button, "It's not Ike, it's Kenny. Things are sort of weird between us right now, and he's been staying with us."

It felt weird to confess something so personal. Usually in a situation like this he would just dance around the subject to keep his ex's name from coming up in conversation, but Bebe was a good person who was full of good advice. He couldn't help but trust and confide in her knowing that he wouldn't be judged.

"That isn't too surprising. Two people with so much history in the same house doesn't usually end well." She commented, never taking her eyes off of the man beside her. "What happened?"

"We got in a fight. Last night he came home drunk for the second time since I've been home, and I tried to talk him into throwing all of his alcohol and anything else away. It turned into some... big thing," he sighed out with the roll of his eyes as he explained. He was leaning forward with both elbows on the top of the washer, and one hand raking through his unruly bangs.

"It isn't going to be easy for him to let go of the booze, you know." She said calmly. "It's his means of escaping himself. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how badly it messed him up to see his family die. It's no surprise that he drowns himself over it."

She was meaning alcohol, but her choice of words was intensely and morbidly ironic.

"I know that... I just wish that I could help him. I don't like to see him that way, you know? And when we started fighting... He's just an asshole." He added the last part in a bit of a disgruntled murmur. "And I don't think he knows how bad it hurt me and everyone else, too. Carol was like my mom..."

Bebe didn't say anything back to him. She remained leaning against the dryer, waiting for him to say more. His eyes were misty and hazed over, and his bottom lip trembled slightly, but he had done more than enough crying already.

"She used to call me every Saturday to check on me. She called more often than my own mother, cared more than her, too." He wiped at his eyes with his wrists before continuing. "I loved every one of them so much... and I knew that something wasn't right when she didn't call me like usual. I couldn't get a hold of her, so I called Stan. He was the one to tell me."

Kyle did remember something particularly strange about that conversation, though. Stan was crying on the other line. He said that Kenny was in critical condition, and that they didn't think he would make it through the night. Kyle was just about ready to pack his bags and drive down there, but Stan called back a few hours later. He was talking about how antsy Kenny was in the waiting room wile they were waiting for word about his dad.

"I thought you said that Kenny was dying?" Kyle asked, both confused and furious with his face red and tears streaming.

"Uh," Stan stopped for a second as if he had to process that information, and then replied, "No, Kenny's alright. He was there when it happened, but he didn't get hurt... somehow."

Even Stan seemed confused somehow, as if even he didn't completely understand what was happening.

"I cried for three days," Kyle confessed to Bebe, although he couldn't look at her. "I still do sometimes when I remember them. They took me into their home even though they could barely feed themselves... They loved me."

"And I'm sure they still do," she added gently with a somehow calming smile. She was so sweet and so caring in everything that she did. It was easy to seek refuge from her, and that was probably why so many people came to her for a place to live when they had nowhere else to go.

He didn't really reply to her, because, although her statement was very comforting, he had something more important that had to be addressed.

"I guess things are just so hard right now because of all that's going on. Between Kenny and I, I mean..." Kyle paused to suck in a steady breath. "A few days ago, I told him that I still had feelings towards him, you know?"

Bebe only nodded with the upmost interest as she folded her arms back around her torso.

"We were out by Stark's Pond in the middle of the night when I told him, and then he just kissed me. It was so random and unexpected, but... right at the same time. It made me feel happy again for the first time in a long time, like I really belonged somewhere." His eyes seemed lost in the patterns of the wallpaper as he recounted his kiss with Kenny.

"And yesterday morning I made him breakfast. We sat around the kitchen drinking coffee like we used to. And... before he went to work he asked me for a goodbye kiss. It was almost like nothing had changed. Like I had never left at all. I was sure that he still had feelings for me, too, by that point. Especially since he had been letting me sleep with him on the couch."

"But?" She inquired, knowing that his pleasant tale couldn't end too happily considering the upset look in his eyes.

"But he didn't come home from work on time yesterday. He was three or four hours late, and Wendy brought him back around eight because she found him stumbling around the railroad tracks drunk out of his mind."

"Yeah, I remember her telling me about that. She said you seemed to handle it really well," Bebe commented offhandedly.

"I did at the time. I got him cleaned up and put him to bed, but I stayed up all night. I couldn't sleep no mattered how hard I tried because I was scared he might stop moving. I mean, I don't know if he was just drinking or if he was on something, and I just didn't know what else to do," Kyle mumbled out as he shook his head and chuckled disbelievingly. "Things didn't get bad, though, until the morning came. That's when I woke him up and we ended up fighting. I just wanted him to stop scaring me like that, but in the midst of it all I said that I thought he still loved me. He didn't have one word to say, and when I just started crying like the fucking wuss I am he just stood there..."

Bebe stood in silence for a few beats as she let Kyle's story sink in.

"Well," she mumbled as she rubbed at her chin, "You probably caught him off guard. Trust me, I know Kenny, and if anything about him is true it's that he has always had a soft spot for you. I'm honestly surprised by a lot of the things you mentioned, though. Like him kissing you. I thought he'd distance himself rather than try and get closer."

...

Kenny made his way down the staircase after finally using the bathroom. Each step creaked under his weight and he pressed his hands against the walls to compensate for not having a railing to hold onto. He hated using stairs without railings. It freaked him out. He finally reached the bottom, and peeked around the corner towards the sink. Wendy and Cartman were still in the kitchen, and he was still holding her from behind. The more Kenny looked, though, the more he realized she was less than happy with the man gripping at her sides. She was shaking her head as he spoke, and jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow as if it was a sport.

The only thing Kenny could think in that moment was how much he hated Cartman. They had always been rivals of some kind, despite the idea that they may have once been best friends. Eric was never a good friend, though. He wasn't a good person, either. He was a manipulative piece of shit, and he had been since he crawled out of the womb. Although Kenny didn't really start hating him until around middle school, he always had a bit of distaste for the tub of lard. Especially because of how badly he bullied and picked on Kyle all the way up until he moved away.

He managed to slip past them again somehow without them noticing. The utility room was just across the kitchen, so he slipped inside knowing that Kyle would be there. When he shut the door behind him both Bebe and Kyle jerked around to look in his direction in surprise. Bebe was leaning against the dryer, her face morphed from shock to a smile within seconds. Kyle's expression stayed the same, but he turned away from Kenny in his frustration. He could tell that they were talking about him, but he didn't really care.

"Do you mind?" He asked Bebe quietly while playing with his hands.

"Oh!" She let out once she processed what he was asking of her. "Of course."

With that she moved past him on her way to the kitchen, and then shut the door behind her to give them some privacy. Kenny swallowed hard in anxiety when he watched Kyle's back. He was still facing away from him, keeping himself looking busy by folding Wendy's dirty laundry atop the dryer. He was nervous, and obviously still upset as he did so. His beautiful, unruly curls caught Kenny's attention as he reached for another dirty shirt to fold in his growing anxiety.

Kenny knew that if anything was going to get fixed he needed to apologize, but he didn't know how. He had become accustomed to saying sorry, on account of how often he fucked up, but this was somehow different. The situation was much more delicate, and the last thing he wanted was to cause even more damage.

"We need to talk," he nearly whispered. "About this morning."

Kyle sighed deeply, not wanting to talk, but somehow still desperate for Kenny to continue. Again he raked his free hand through his crazy red curls.

"Okay," he said while turning to face the person behind him. Kenny looked incredibly sad and worn, and again Kyle couldn't help but notice he was wearing clothes from his duffle. However, Kyle did not speak. It was Kenny's turn to talk, and he wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I, um," Kenny murmured while shifting from side to side, and he scratched uncomfortably at the back of his head before continuing, "I was being a douche... I know you just wanted to help, and I shouldn't have yelled at you."

It wasn't quite enough to completely appease Kyle, but it was a start.

"It's okay." He said hesitantly with a flustered blush of uncertainty spreading across his face. "I... shouldn't have brought up your family."

Holy fuck was this awkward. The both of them were doing everything in their power not to inflame the situation. However, Kyle needed to know how Kenny felt. He needed to know what he wanted, and they couldn't put it off any longer. He wasn't mad that Kenny yelled at him, he was mad that he had nothing to say when their relationship was brought up. It worried and bothered him.

"You're still mad." Kenny pointed out.

"I said it was okay." He grumbled.

"Yeah, but your face is still all red. Your face gets red when you're mad." Kenny grumbled.

Kyle's cheeks flushed an even deeper crimson, but not because he was angry. He was simply embarrassed by being so easily read, and he didn't know that Kenny could be so observant of him.

"It does not!"

"Does too! Remember when I pawned off your mom's necklace that one time? And when I backed your car up into a light pole? Your face was red just like it is now." Kenny argued as matter-of-factly as he could muster while crossing his arms over his chest. "It looked like that when I broke Stan's fridge, too."

Kyle's disgruntled expression was in danger as he suddenly found himself fighting to keep a goofy grin from smearing sloppily across his face. He remembered when Kenny broke that fridge, and, although he was pissed off at the time, it was probably the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life. They had all been drinking, as it was one of their weekly card nights. Kenny and Kyle were both already rather tipsy when they slipped into Stan's kitchen for another drink. The kitchen was pretty much the same back then, covered in beer memorabilia. The fridge was absolutely no different. Bud Wiser stickers and magnets littered the thing.

Kenny practically danced over to it and pulled one of its doors open. Rather than reaching up to the top shelf like a sensible person, he used the bottom shelf of the refrigerator door as a stepping stool. The bolts couldn't hold his weight, though, so it literally just broke off. Kenny stumbled back, but quickly regained his footing as he stood and watched it topple over onto the floor. Food and condiments flew from its shelves, and it's plastic interior cracked.

Kenny and Kyle just stood there for quite some time, staring blankly at the mess on the floor as if their mental loading bars couldn't quite process it.

"Well Kyle, look what you've done." Kenny scolded.

After a very long and delayed moment of thought, Kyle sternly recoiled with, "But I didn't-"

"Shhhh, it's okay. I hear denial is the first step to acceptance."

"What is even happening?" Kyle shouted in a confused and slightly drunken stupor.

Stan wasn't mad about the fridge. He was a handyman of sorts, so it wasn't hard for him to fix Kenny's mess. Nonetheless, an inside joke was born that night. Every time Kenny would fuck up or break something, even if Kyle wasn't in the room, he would yell at the top of his lungs, "Kyle! Look what you've done!"

And, if Kyle was close enough to hear, he would scream back, "I don't even know what's happening!"

He couldn't hold it in anymore, so he slapped his hand against his mouth to hide his smile. Nonetheless, a little laugh made it's way past his fingers, and Kenny tilted his brow in confusion. Kyle wanted to be mad, and he wanted to be serious so that they could figure things out. However, the sudden memory left him in a bit of a giggle fit.

"I hear denial is the first step to acceptance." Kyle laughed out through the cracks of his fingers. He was laughing much harder than he probably should have been, but he didn't care.

As soon as Kenny heard that line he too started chuckling, but he didn't begin belting out uncontrollable laughter until Kyle accidentally snorted through his fingers. Soon they were both laughing so hard they forgot why they were giggling like school girls to begin with, and they just started laughing at how the other sounded while laughing.

That was something they did quite often when they used to be together. Giggling and carrying on about everything and nothing seemed to be how they spent a lot of their time, and it felt so good and refreshing for the both of them to be able to do such a thing again. Every bit of stress and tension between them and the world they lived in seemed to vanish, and nothing else mattered but the sound of one another's chuckling voices.

"Do you remember Senior prom, when Wendy was crowned Queen and fell off the stage?" Kenny asked, his booming laughter only growing louder when he remembered the startled look on her face once realizing there was no floor underneath her. What was so funny about the situation was that she just walked right off the edge of the stage mid-sentence, and got swallowed up by the crowd under her feet. Tweek caught her, of course. Being the rather buff boxer he was back then he snatched her up before her feet could even touch the floor. Nonetheless, it was a moment that could usually only be seen on an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos, and Kenny was one to cherish such things.

"I do remember that," Kyle chuckled out, his sounds of amusement dwindling away as he spoke. "I also remember that you got a job just so you could afford to take us."

Kenny's laughter faded until he was quiet, and a little smile found its way onto his lips. He did remember that. In fact, he remembered everything about their high school days. He originally started looking for work during the first semester of the year to save up for his own tux and ticket, on account of Kyle's parents refusing to pay for him. However, once Kyle practically disowned his parents and moved in with the McCormicks, Kenny paid for the both of them to go, and then kept his meager job as a pizza boy to help feed and support Kyle and his family. Work was all he seemed to do back then. He worked long hours all throughout the night, went to school throughout the day, and still managed to be involved in after school activities. The only reason he was able to finish his homework was because Kyle tutored him as they sat at the McCormick's ratty kitchen table in the early hours of the morning. He could remember setting their alarm to three a.m. on occasion just so his boyfriend would have time to re-teach him geography and advanced algebra, on account of Kenny tending to doze off in class because of how little sleep he managed to get.

Maybe things wouldn't have been so hard on him if he wasn't the only person in the house who had a steady job once Kevin moved out. Kyle offered to look around for employment, but Kenny knew that if his boyfriend worked he would have to quit Guard. The Guard was Kyle's life, and he could never let him give that up. Despite that and his low wages, they were getting by much better than they where when they only had their welfare check.

No matter how stressful those times were Kenny wished for nothing more than to go back for just one day, maybe even an hour would do. Just knowing that Kyle was still his and that his family was safe would have been enough.

"You know I really miss those days," Kenny confessed with a weak smile.

"Well," Kyle said as he shifted awkwardly. He interlocked his fingers behind his back and tilted onto his heals, all before nibbling at his own plump, bottom lip. Kenny loved it when he did that. It used to be a very cute nervous habit of Kyle's, but that was the first time he had done it since he'd been home. "Who ever said they were over?"

Kenny blinked in confusion for a few moments, and then replied with, "What are you talking about?"

"Well, things won't ever be the same as they were back then, of course. But we're still here. There are still a lot of happy memories to come... If it's what you want, I mean." As he spoke he refused to look Kenny in the face. His eyes focused on anything and everything around them to keep himself from being embarrassed with his own cryptic proposal.

Kenny stood in disbelief for a few moments, unsure if Kyle really meant what he thought he did. Out of nowhere his heart started racing, and his palms started to sweat. Kyle wasn't just within his reach anymore, he was in the palms of his hands.

"You're asking me if I want to get back together?" He asked, trying to hide all the emotions that were suddenly building up inside of him.

"Well... Yeah." Neither of them said another word. They only looked at one another. Kyle was nervous, Kenny could tell by the unsure expression on his face.

It wasn't a good idea, but Kenny didn't give a fuck anymore. He also wasn't sure how a fight turned into them getting back together, but he didn't care about that either. Rather than telling him he wouldn't mind one more try, he opened his arms, which Kyle immediately walked into. They stood there for quite some time with their arms wrapped around one another. Kenny tightened his grip around the waist of the man who was no longer his ex, and allowed their bodies to sway from side to side in a rhythmic, soothing motion. He felt so overwhelmed with the cloth of Kyle's shirt under his fingers, and his face pressed into his nearly untamable hair.

Kyle was a time machine, Kenny decided.

Every time he caught a whiff of his shampoo, felt his skin against his own, took in the sight of his apple green eyes, heard the sound of his soft voice, or tasted his lovely lips he was immediately transported to a completely different world. A world where times, places and people that no longer existed were still just as real as Kyle was.

He liked that feeling, and he wasn't ever going to let go of it again.

He was a little concerned, though. He could only think of a few people that wouldn't have some sort of problem with them being back together, and he didn't want anyone to give them a harder time than they already were by just being friends. However, Kenny knew the only person he would really have to worry about would be Sheila, but he shouldn't have been worrying himself with such things. He felt happy, and, to him, that was all that mattered.

"I'm sorry that I ever left," Kyle murmured out apologetically against the cloth of Kenny's grey tee.

"Don't apologize for that," Kenny whispered back with their arms still liked firmly into place and their bodies swaying slowly. "Anything that happened before doesn't matter now, okay?"

"Okay," Kyle replied as his grip tightened around the torso his face was pressed into.

"It's me who needs to apologize. I've been a pretty bad person," came a sad and remorseful reply. It sounded almost as if he had more he wanted to say, but Kenny wasn't one who was very good with words. He could express himself much better through actions, which both worked greatly to his advantage and managed to get him into a lot of trouble.

"Anything that happened before doesn't matter now, remember?" Kyle whispered delicately before pressing a little kiss upon Kenny's nose. It was just another thing that Kyle used to do constantly, especially if his lover was upset, but Kenny hadn't felt it in so long the small gesture of affection literally took his breath away.

He wanted to lean down and whisper something romantic and clever like he was the protagonist in a romance movie, but he didn't know what to say. A verbal confession of his undying affections wasn't enough in his eyes to show Kyle how much he cared, or how sorry he was for all the shit he out him through. So, instead, he dipped down for a kiss. It was much more passionate and loving than the few awkward or spontaneous pecks they'd exchanged over the last few days, and Kyle understood. Kenny didn't have to say a word for him to know what he was feeling inside. The prickling sensations Kenny's hands caused while running through his hair was conformation enough, and Kyle wasn't going to waste a second of it.

He brought his hands to the sides of Kenny's face, feeling the stubble of his sharp and unshaven jaw under his palms, and then let his own jaw go slack. It felt so unbelievably intoxicating when Kenny took the hint and gently, and a bit hesitantly at first, slipped inside to taste his tongue.

Kyle's pale face again faded into a brighter crimson as his companion's hands slid down to his lower back. His fingers trailed the little bit of skin that was poking out from under the hem of the shirt, giving Kyle shivers as he pressed his body against Kenny's. He forgot what it had felt like to be engaged in such passionate contact, and he could barely believe that what he was experiencing was real. Bittersweet memories struck him to his very core as the long awaited kiss continued. The wet muscle that had been basking in the familiar taste of his mouth pulled away, but only so it could wet his bottom lip before a very eager mouth began nibbling softly on the plump flesh. A sharp inhale escaped from him as Kenny released his lip and buried his face deep into the crook of his neck, where he began sucking and nipping adoringly.

In that moment neither of them cared about anything else in the world but engulfing their beings with one another's presence, and they wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

...

Ike pulled up to his house around noon that day after leaving work, and was surprised when he found activity buzzing about his front yard. Kenny's car was parked in the driveway with both doors hanging open. Kyle and the car owner himself were pulling bundles of valuables and trash alike out of the Toyota and into the yard in piles, where they could sort through them. Confused, Ike pulled over into the side of the road and stepped out of his car. The hot summer sun shined down on the yard, making the grass look greener than Ike had ever seen before. The sky was a brilliant blue, and dotted with fluffy white clouds.

The weather was brilliant, and the day was one of the most gorgeous he had seen in quite a while, although he couldn't say for sure how long it was going to last.

"What are you guys up to?" Ike hollered in curiosity as he walked up the drive towards the busy couple who were tossing old sheets out of the driver's side door.

Kyle's head popped out from behind the door, and he greeted his younger brother with a big smile. "Cleaning Kenny's car out!"

As Ike passed a trash can alongside the driveway he couldn't help but notice a surprisingly large assortment of alcohol stacked carefully inside.


	12. Hey There, Baby

Hey again. I've been super busy and uninspired so I apologize again for being so late and also for this chapter being sort of unplanned. This story is just about over though, so you don't have much more to tough through.

I didn't have time to reply to anyone this time around, things have been really crazy around here,but I read all of your reviews and I am so thankful to everyone who takes the time to leave them for me.

There is a bit of smut in here, but I just couldn't get into the groove, so a bit of it is cut off for now unless I decide to add more later, which I might because I am unsatisfied.

Also, my beta didn't get to look over all of this so I hope there aren't many mistakes.

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><p>Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Twelve; Hey There, Baby

The blade was sharp, just sharp enough to cut through his skin and into his veins. Just sharp enough to end his life and get the fix he needed so desperately. He didn't know what was wrong with him, or how killing himself ended up replacing all of his drugs. It was pathetic, and he was disgusted with himself. His family was even in the house. Well, the people who had become his family, anyway. Ike and Kyle were in the kitchen, gathered around Ruby as she taught them how to make veggie burgers. Kenny wished he was out there with them, he could hear their voices and laughter echo through the rooms and down the hall. They sounded so happy. He wanted to be happy, too, but instead he was alone. He was alone in the bathroom trying to decide between taking a bath and killing himself.

He could only imagine how horrified they would be if they managed to get past the bathroom lock and found him bleeding to death on the floor. He didn't want them to see him that way, and he didn't want to cause a big scene, even if they forgot all about it the next day. Nonetheless, it was something that he needed. It was like an addiction in its own right, and part of him didn't want to give it up.

He was a bad, weak man who had no self control. Kyle deserved better than that, but Kyle also deserved better than Kenny could ever give him. They had been back together for a few days by that point, and Kenny managed to kill himself twice since then. It wasn't because he wasn't happy, because he was. He was happier than he had been in a very long time, but there was always a voice that lived in the darkest recesses of his mind. The voice spoke of his family, his real family, and all of the horrors that he tried to run away from and forget.

The voice was his own, and no matter how much he resisted it wouldn't let him forget.

He was fighting himself in a battle that could not be won. Sadly, it was also a battle that he had to fight alone. Even if he wanted to get help he knew that he couldn't. No one knew that he was even able to kill himself without really dying, and no one would believe him if he tried to reach out for the help he so desperately needed.

The scissors in his hand would make a very sloppy and grotesque cut, but he didn't care. He lowered its edge onto his skin, and let the cold metal rub against his wrist. The sensation sent prickles up and down his spine, and again his mind was gone. He pushed down slowly, ready to feel the smoothe, sharp edge ripping apart his veins.

"Hey Kenny! Are you almost done in there?" A very relaxed voice asked through the locked door.

The sudden interruption sent him jerking and stumbling back in surprise despite how lighthearted and inviting it sounded. It was nothing like the voice that was trying to talk him into committing such a horrible deed. It was so soft, sweet, and relaxing that it managed to somehow pull him out of his trance. He knew that it was Kyle on the other side of that door, and suddenly his mind went numb. If he would have sucked it up just a few minutes earlier, and killed himself without a second thought, Kyle would have been the one to find him dying in a puddle of his own blood on the bathroom floor.

That realization left him with the real urge to vomit.

He had always been the one to support and take care of Kyle. It was his job, and one he didn't take lightly, especially after going so long without him. However, his own problems were getting in the way of that. He never wanted to make Kyle cry again, but he knew if he kept on this horrible road of self destruction it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Kyle would either catch him in the act or find his lifeless vessel, both of which were things Kenny would never want to put him through.

"Uh, yeah. Give me a minute!" He shouted back. After glancing down at the scissors in his hand, and then looking back at the small cut it managed to create before he could quench it's bloodlust, he chucked it across the room as if it was a piece of molten steal.

He hated himself for the obviously self-inflicted wound. Kenny had never been one to hurt himself unless immediate death was involved. Cutting was for pussy teenagers, and suicide was for cowards. If he had to choose between the two, he would much rather be a coward.

No, he would rather be brave.

With an uneasy sigh he pulled the sleeve of his parka down over the cut, which was really more like a nick, and then pulled the bathroom door open. Kyle was waiting for him on the other side. He was wearing pajamas, like he usually did while lounging around the house. However, there was something a little odd about his appearance that afternoon.

"Are you wearing a ushanka?" Kenny asked with a disbelieving little chuckle. He was trying with everything that he had inside to keep his pain hidden behind a smile, which was something he was frighteningly good at.

He poked the fabric covering Kyle's head as if to test it's tangibility, which made the man wearing it laugh. It wasn't the same hat he used to wear while they were in school. The thing atop Kyle's head was blue with a leaf camouflage pattern printed into the thick fabric rather than solid green. Nonetheless, seeing him in such a thing brought back relaxing memories.

"Oh, yeah," he replied while tugging gently on one of the ear flaps, "I couldn't get my hair the way I wanted, so I just put it on."

Kyle had a unique affect over Kenny that no one else did. His contented little movements and pleasant little grin made Kenny's legs weak, and suddenly he was thankful that soft little voice was there to interrupt him when he had those scissors pressed against his wrists. The idea of death was much more frightening than ever before now that Kenny had a reason to want to live.

Kyle was truly the only thing that was keeping him stable enough to function.

"So, would you like to try a veggie burger?" He asked nonchalantly as he turned to go back to the kitchen.

Kenny turned up his nose at the idea. He was the kind of guy who liked meaty, greasy patties on his bread, not the dry soy shit Ruby was always going on about. Either way, he still followed closely behind his boyfriend.

He liked walking behind Kyle.

He had a nice ass.

"I know you don't usually like vegetarian food, but it really does taste good," Kyle said in an attempt to convince the picky eater behind him to give it a try.

Kenny wasn't listening, though. He was too preoccupied with the back of Kyle's pajama bottoms, or maybe more so with what was underneath.

It was quite concerning how one second he was on the brink of suicide, and the next he was staring contently at his boyfriend's ass. If one didn't know better they might have thought he was bipolar, and not without good reason. His mood never switched and jumped around so often before. Even he was beginning to notice the lost control over his own emotions.

The mood swings, the suicides, and the urge to dig through the trash to get back his alcohol were all signs of his crippling depression. Signs that no one else noticed, or at least didn't take into account if they did. Kenny figured, though, that the wounds on his mind where just like the cut on his wrist; that if he was patient they would heal with time.

He wasn't so sure about that anymore.

The kitchen was bustling with activity by the time Kyle returned with his boyfriend. Ike ran around the room, picking up different items and ingredients for Ruby as she stirred an odd looking mixture with a wooden spoon. Goblin and Tamara seemed to be trying to trip him on purpose as he hurried around the room. They would sit down right in front of him as he tried to walk, and appear behind him when he tried to back up.

However, Kenny was much more interested in what he saw on the counter. Two opened packs of velveeta were laid out beside the crockpot, along with a package of hamburger and tortilla sauce. His eyes got foggy and his mouth started watering as he eyed the ingredients to his favorite cheese dip, which was something he hadn't tasted in years. Kyle used to prepare it every holiday, and every now and then for special occasions. It was Kenny's favorite taste in the world. He tried to make it himself after his boyfriend left him, but it was never the same. He didn't know whether it was really because he fucked up the recipe or if it was because he knew Kyle hadn't been the one to make it.

Nothing was ever the same unless Kyle made it.

"Cheese dip," Kenny said almost stupidly, as if he was a toddler who just learned a new word.

Kyle smiled up at him and nodded, "I thought that you could help me make it."

Kenny was starting to see the world differently than he did before. The kitchen was bright, and somehow everyone who was at work seemed cheery and happy. He couldn't understand at first. He couldn't understand how Ike was smiling and talking with his brother from across the room as if Karen had never lived, as if she had never died. He couldn't fathom how Ruby could go on and just cook as if it was an everyday thing, as if she wasn't missing a huge chunk of her soul. Kyle was a mystery as well. Kenny couldn't understand how he could seem so unaffected by the death of an entire family who once took him in and nurtured him. He demonized them at first, and felt angry because they were just going on as if there wasn't anyone missing. He felt betrayed, and for some reason alone.

When Kyle looked at him though, holding a ladle up to the side of his face with his usual little grin, Kenny noticed that he didn't look as blissfully unaware as he originally thought. There was a sadness there. It wasn't something that could be easily noticed, and if Kenny hadn't known him well he probably wouldn't have seen it at all. His eyes weren't as wide and carefree as they used to be. They were somehow thinner, as if his innocent view of the world was sucked out of him long ago. He looked very tired, too, which Kenny knew was his fault. His usually full and lively looking eyes were worn and the skin beneath them were tinted a very slight purple. Kyle hadn't been getting much sleep for the past few nights on account of Kenny's nightmares.

They returned to him, and they were just as awful as ever. He would awake in the middle of the night screaming and kicking in horrid fear. Kyle would usually be wrapped up in his arms or nestled against him during those episodes, causing him to jerk awake multiple times throughout the night. The first time he woke in the middle of the night to the aftermath of Kenny's dreams he was so surprised he nearly fell off the couch. All he could do was pull his flailing companion into a startled embrace and hope that Kenny's fear would pass soon.

He would almost always cry into Kyle's shoulder after his horrifying episodes, damaged and traumatized my the images forever scorched into his mind. He would apologize profusely in shame of waking his companion so often and late in the night, but Kyle would only rub his back softly and whisper calm reassurances.

He understood that Kenny was hurting, and he never once treated his pain as an inconvenience.

That's when Kenny realized that no one had forgotten their missing friends and family. They hadn't forgotten what happened, and the happy, carefree expression on Kyle's face wasn't him acting as if they never existed, it was his best attempt at being strong. His best attempt at being normal.

If Kenny only knew that brave face was for his sake.

"You just gonna stand there?" Kyle asked as he waved the ladle to catch his attention.

"What?" Kenny asked, being brought back to reality.

"I asked if you wanted to cook with me," he reminded patiently, gently, his soothing smile never wavering or changing in frustration of having to repeat himself. He was so understanding of him, which was something he never encountered before.

"Oh, yeah. Of course," Kenny replied, offering his own little smile.

Kyle took the hamburger meat off of the counter and popped the plastic packaging with his fingernail. Kenny watched in an odd fascination as his boyfriend worked one of his slender fingers under the wrapping and pulled it off.

"Okay, do you remember how to cook the hamburger?" Kyle asked as he held the unwrapped meat in his hands.

"No," came the honest and somewhat ashamed reply as Kenny tilted his head.

"Don't look so sad," Kyle said, "Here, I'll show you."

He moved around his brother, who was standing by the counter as he looked through the silverware drawer, with package in hand, and then turned on the stove. The skillet was already sitting on the proper burner, and Kenny watched with the most focus he could muster as Kyle turned the dial.

"It needs to be set on seven, and then when it heats up you chop up the meat with the spatula. You got to make sure all of the meat turns brown though, don't leave any of it pink," he instructed slowly as he dropped the meat into the pan. His calmness and loving patience somehow struck his new found cooking student in the heart. Kyle calmed him, relaxed him, and made him feel like everything was alright again.

Kenny came up from behind him and wrapped his arms around the unwitting man. Kyle jumped at first, confused and not expecting to feel a pair of arms constrict around his torso. However, when he felt Kenny bury his face in his shoulder he relaxed and leaned back into the embrace.

"Are you okay?" He asked in confusion.

"Never better," came the immediate reply.

"So," Ruby interrupted their somewhat intimate moment after watching the embracing couple murmur to one another, "I'm guessing you two got back together, considering how well you've been getting along."

She added that last part with a raised brow as she watched them over her shoulder, making Kyle blush and Kenny smile. They hadn't told anyone at that point of the rekindling of their relationship. They figured that Ike and Ruby would just realize when they saw how close they were, and they didn't want to worry about the scrutiny of others. They wanted to be a bit more stable and emotionally sound with one another, so that their bond would be strong enough to resist the negative opinion of their friends and Kyle's family.

They did not even want to think about what Sheila would have to say.

"Yeah," Kyle replied, a small and anxious smile unfolding on his face as Ruby watched their unfaltering embrace from across the room.

She didn't seem to have a strong opinion either way any more. With a shrug of her shoulders and a subconscious flick of her hair she dismissed the whole thing as if it wasn't really that big of a deal. Maybe she had changed her mind about their relationship or maybe she just got used to them being around her, either way it was reassuring not to be targeted for one of her scathing lectures.

"So, Mr. and Mr. McCormick," Ike teased as he leaned against the counter, "How long are you two planning on living here? If you are going to stay for a while we can move the stuff out of the junk room for you."

"Aw Ike, you don't have to do that for us," Kyle said, although he was obviously quite flattered by the sentiment.

By this time Kenny had released him and was standing idly nearby as he listened to Ike's suggestion.

"Well, I feel bad when I see you guys squished on that hard couch. You know couch cushions aren't good for your back, anyway." Ike said while wiggling his finger.

He was so much like Sheila sometimes Kyle felt as if he was still living at home.

Kenny wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at the idea of their own bedroom.

Kyle chucked a spoon at his face.

...

"How long have you had all of this in storage?" Kyle asked in wonder as he sifted through an old box of clothes. It contained pajamas that Kyle left behind the night he moved away, and he was amazed Kenny still had them, along with every other worldly possession they once owned, in a storage unit outside of town.

"Since I had to leave Whitely... I couldn't bring myself to get rid of any of it," came a mumbled reply from Kenny.

"I can tell. You still have our paper decorations from Whitely Day in one of the boxes in the hall."

Kenny didn't reply, only smiled contently.

Once they managed to clear out the junk room a couple days before hand, that was literally piled to the ceiling with nothing but unused items, and relocated everything to the shed out back Kenny brought them to Hold'Em Storage, where he had been renting a locker for the last four years. Everything from Whitely was arranged carefully inside. Their old kitchen table, their couches, television, dressers, bed and many other miscellaneous items greeted the party of four when Kenny hauled the heavy metal door upwards.

They had no money to rent a U-haul, so Kenny had to get down on his knees and beg Craig to let him use his civilian truck because hell would freeze over before he would ask to use Cartman's. They managed to put their old bed together, hang up an old mirror they used to have in their bathroom, and set a little dresser at the foot of their bed. Kyle was in the process of shifting through all of his luggage and a few old boxes they brought down from storage now that he had a more permanent place to put his things.

"Kyle," Kenny complained in a high pitched whine as he rolled over in bed, towards the redhead that was sitting on the edge of the blanketless mattress.

"What do you want?" He asked, feigning annoyance with a contented grin.

"Kyle, put down the box and come lay down with me," he continued in a long, high pitched, complaining cry.

"You sound like Cartman," Kyle laughed out, folding clothes in his lap as he did so.

"Do not!" Kenny shouted before jolting forward and latching onto his boyfriend. "Now come lay with me."

"Let me finish folding first," Kyle bargained as he tossed a folded shirt onto the dresser at the foot of the bed, much to Kenny's discontent.

"No," he argued like a spoiled child before tightening his grip and pulling Kyle back onto the mattress, sending the little pile of unfolded clothes that was in his lap to fall to the floor.

Kyle laughed, and suddenly all of Kenny's pain melted off of his bones. Kyle wrestled with him, hitting him with pillows and diving off the bed when his boyfriend reached out to capture him around the waist. The orange clad man jumped right after him, catching Kyle by the leg until he himself was dragged from the mattress and onto the floor. The darkness from their open window soon began to creep lazily into their room, depriving them of sunlight as Kenny pinned Kyle to the floor and let out a victory cry.

"Get off!" Kyle fought playfully as he kicked and thrashed under the man, who was shirtless just for the sake of being shirtless.

"Never!" Came the immediate and expected reply before Kenny moved his legs to where he was squatting, and then hoisted Kyle up over his shoulder.

"Holy shit!" Screamed the smaller of the two as he was nearly tossed across the room, despite landing on the bed with a bit of a bounce. Their wrestling match continued until it got too dark to see, because by that time they were both far too tired to reach up and flip on the lamp side table. They panted, desperate for breath as they laughed and punched at each other sloppily. Everything was fine, and once they both caught their breath they curled into one another. Clinging contently for solace in the midst of all the undeniable pain.

Kenny nuzzled into Kyle's chest for warmth, also too lazy to go into the living room to get a blanket. He felt those long slender fingers rake sleepily through his wheat colored hair, which felt absolutely amazing. Kenny loved it when his hair was played with. Kyle's fingertips massaged his scalp and tugged lightly on his hair, lulling him into a false sense of security as he sucked in the smell of his companion's detergent. He felt safe, as if Kyle could protect him from everything that left him hurting.

It wasn't easy for Kenny to forget what had happened to him and his family, and he didn't want to forget them. He just wanted one day to go by where he didn't make an attempt on his own life. He wanted to be able to feel and breathe again, like he used to when Karen, Kevin, and his mother were still around.

He wanted to remember how it felt to look into his father's face and feel anything other than disgust.

He didn't know how he managed to function at all without Kyle there beside him. He somehow became Kenny's anchor, holding him steadily in place so that the swift current of his turmoil didn't sweep him away. Kyle was what made him remember what happiness felt like.

Maybe Dr. Gloveland wasn't such a quack after all.

"That feels good," Kenny mumbled softly, enjoying the feel of Kyle's fingers against his scalp. It had been such a long time since he felt such relaxing touches, and he melted against the chest he was nuzzled into when fingertips gently tugged on his earlobe.

"I wonder if our door locks," Kenny said half jokingly as he buried his face in Kyle's neck, kissing the soft skin he found there.

Kyle's face flushed red before he murmured, "You're a pervert."

"I'll let you top," he laughed out, continuing his not-so-joking jokes in hopes of planting ideas in Kyle's head.

"Let me?" He asked with a snort, "If I remember correctly you were usually on bottom."

"Well you remember wrong!" Came an offended protest before Kenny flipped the both of them over so that he could pin down his companion. He held Kyle to the mattress by his wrists, smirking down at the man trapped below him with a look of triumph on his features.

"Just because you're taller than me doesn't mean you're stronger," Kyle nearly whispered before yanking his wrists out from under Kenny's grasp, grabbing him around the torso, and flipping them back over yet again. They bounced on the springs within their mattress as Kyle pinned him harshly to the bed with his forearms.

"You know, you make for a really hot man when you aren't playing housewife," Kenny panted, still tuckered out from their wrestling, before sticking out his tongue in defiance.

Being one to never waste an opportunity, Kyle dipped down and ran his own tongue along the one already protruding from his lover's mouth. Kenny's face lit up a hot red. He didn't expect for Kyle to be so bold after so long, but maybe he was just as starved for intimate contact as the blond beneath him had become.

"Should I check and see if the door locks?" Kyle asked quietly through the darkness.

"No," came the immediate reply as Kenny lurched upward, latching onto Kyle so that he couldn't slip away, "Stay here with me."

Kyle obliged his plea, and lowered his body until Kenny's back pressed into the mattress. He let his fingers trail over Kenny's unclothed sides, and stroked his beautifully inked upper arms. It had been so long since Kyle felt the intimate touch of another person, and it had been so long since sex actually meant something other than release to Kenny. Their hearts were both racing as Kyle allowed his slack lips to brush against his boyfriend's. He used his tongue to wet the other man's chapped lips, and Kenny's breath hitched as Kyle caressed his cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

Slowly, gently, and sweetly they moved together in flawless unison. Tasting, feeling, and nibbling at the familiar flesh they had both missed so much. Kenny grabbed a firm hold of Kyle's shirt, and pulled it up over his head. The feeling of flesh on flesh sent bursts of anticipation exploding in their chests. In desperation for more, Kyle gripped the elastic of Kenny's sweats and yanked the fabric down to his thighs.

Both of their faces flushed deep red when Kyle realized there was no underwear under those bottoms. Kenny was already getting hard, and he wasn't above helping him get there.

A gasp escaped from Kenny's throat as a damp, warm tongue trailed from the base of his member to the tip. Soon he was engulfed in a warm mouth, and Kyle began to bob his head.

Kenny's back arched up off the mattress at the mind numbing feeling, and he allowed his fingers to run through the curly red hair of the man who was pleasuring him. His brain felt like it was on the verge of bursting when the experience began to sink in. It was Kyle who was touching him. Kyle who was sucking on him, not some stranger or short term girlfriend.

Kyle.

He felt something he had never felt before that night. A pure feeling washed over him, cleansing his filthy soul as someone who truly loved him worked their mouth around his cock. So much casual, loveless sex could really damage a person. A good one, at least, and although Kenny had done very bad things in his lifetime he wasn't as heartless as his actions made him seem. He craved the unconditional love of another human being more than anything, and all he had left for quite some time were only memories.

He had much more than that now, though.

Kyle moved his mouth to the head, massaging the delicate skin with his tongue as he pumped his firm hand over the shaft. A long, pleading moan escaped from deep within Kenny's throat. He began to push his hips upward, matching the strokes of his lover's fist and pushing up into his mouth. Kyle's hair became tangled in the shaking hands of his boyfriend while Kenny moaned out for release.

"K-kyle," he groaned softly as he tipped his head back, the top of his skull brushing against the headboard while he continued with his thrusts. Then, Kyle pulled away from him to pull off his own pants, leaving Kenny's throbbing member slick with saliva.

"Do you have a rubber?" came the heavy question as Kyle ran his hands along his lover's outer thighs.

"Hold on."

Kenny rolled out from under the other man and began digging through the pockets of his ratty orange parka, which was bunched up under his head as a pillow. He dug deep into the pockets, and returned with an entire box. Kyle took it from him, and was too engrossed in what he was doing to notice almost half of the condoms were used. He pulled one apart of the others, and then tossed the box over the side of the bed.

"I haven't done this in a long time," Kenny admitted with his eyebrows furrowing together, "I mean... you're the only guy I've been with."

He was nervous, which was very unusual when it came to sex. However, he was used to being dominant. Allowing Kyle to top him meant letting go of control, which was something he was by no means comfortable with. Dominant sex and suicide were the only things that gave him any sense of power, and he was trying his best to give up both.

"Don't worry," Kyle coaxed gently as he slid the lubricated rubber over his arousal, "Just let me take care of you."

His comforting words did help to subdue Kenny's fear, but not by much. He closed his eyes, laid back against his parka, and drew in a deep breath to steady himself. A gentle pair of fingers slicked him with a little package of lubricant, which was stashed in Kenny's box of condoms. He stiffened at the contact, but didn't fight it as Kyle rubbed him.

He caught himself wanting to cry out when he felt a finger slip inside. Instead, he bit his tongue and just allowed the feeling to take control of him. It had been a very long time since he'd been with a man. However, Kyle wasn't joking when he said he usually topped. He had been in Kenny many times before, so he remembered what to expect. It was always weird and uncomfortable at first. Kenny scrunched up his nose when his lover added another finger, not at all liking how they felt.

"Dude, relax," Kyle urged softly, "This'll be easier if you aren't tense."

The fingering didn't stop until Kyle deemed him loose enough, and Kenny's breath faltered with uncertainty when he felt a body hover overtop of him.

...

The morning came slowly over the horizon as Kenny stirred from his sleep. His eyes were heavy, his body was stiff, and for some reason he couldn't move very well. He groaned in annoyance as he reached up at what was pinning in down to the bed, only to find someone else's body draped over him. He rubbed his blurred blue eyes in confusion until he remembered where he was and what had happened the night before.

"Babe," he murmured as he pushed on Kyle's shoulders, "I can't move."

"Sorry about your luck," came the sleepy reply from the person on top of him.

It took every bit of strength he had to grab Kyle by the shoulders and push him off, but somehow he managed to do so. Kyle groaned in disapproval after being pushed away, not at all liking having to lay alone. He curled up against himself, partly to cover his nakedness and partly because of how cold he was, as Kenny threw his legs over the side of the bed. In his tired stupor he slipped Kyle's boxers on, and then left their sanctuary so that he could find something to eat. His stomach growled loudly as he pushed through the kitchen doors, not even bothering to see who was sitting at the table as he pulled open a cabinet in search of sustenance.

He wasn't in pain, but he wasn't exactly comfortable either. There was a dull ache that shot up his spine from his backside every time he made a quick movement, but it wasn't unbearable. He reached for a box of cereal in the back of the cabinet when he heard someone on the other side of the room clear their throat as if they were somehow trying to catch his attention.

He turned around to face them, wearing nothing but his boyfriend's boxers after a full night of sex as his messy bangs fell sloppily over his forehead, to find none other than said fuck buddy's mother sizing him up in her mind with a grotesque look of disapproval planted on her face.

"Yo Mrs. Bro," Kenny greeted as if he wasn't tuckered out from sex and wearing nothing but skivvies, "What are you doin' in this neck of the woods?"

Her face contorted to a look of disgust with his feigned dialect as Ike explained, "Um, Kenny, my mom's over to look at the house now that Kyle and I cleaned the place up."

"Speaking of Kyle, where's my son?" She asked, her face looking beyond suspicious as he watched the filth that just stumbled into the kitchen.

"He's... in bed," Kenny blurted out as he backed up towards the exit, still just as intimidated of Kyle's mother as he was when he was a child, "I think... I hear him calling me."


	13. Who We Came From

Kitty, MakenzieMcCormick, A Shining Starr, Ai Tajiri, Crazy88inator thanks so much for your reviews, as always!

I can't believe this has 90+ reviews! You are all so awesome and supportive!

Now on a bit of a serious note, I hate to disappoint you, but I've lost a lot of inspiration and interest for this story. I have another fanfiction that I'm working on that I am much more interested in. It's much more scandalous and really meaningful to me, so I'm going to try and wrap this up in the next couple chapters so I can move onto something I actually enjoy writing.

So I'm sorry if these next chapters are any less than you expected, I'm trying to put all the heart I have left for this story into it so hopefully you won't be too disappointed. There are two left after this: a 14th chapter and an epilogue

* * *

><p>Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Thirteen; Who We Came From

"Wake up!" Kenny shouted as he shook Kyle's shoulder, "Dude, you're mom is here."

"What?" came the disbelieving reply as Kyle cracked open his aching eyes, allowing the sunlight streaming from their window to blind him.

"Your mom is in the kitchen with Ike, get dressed before she barges in here or something," he begged as he smacked Kyle in the face with the sleeve of a dirty shirt.

"Eh," mumbled the annoyed man as he yanked the top from his boyfriend and sloppily slipped it on over his head, "why would my mom be here? She hasn't once even mentioned wanting to come over since I've been staying."

"Ike said she was coming to see the house. You know, since you cleaned it up," Kenny explained as he searched for his sweats amung the clothing on the floor.

"Oh whatever, we cleaned the house when I first came to stay. It's funny how she doesn't come down to see Ike until she thinks we're doing something she wouldn't like," Kyle grumbled out, well aware of his mothers twisted way of going about things. "Her son's finance is dead and she doesn't even come to check on him unless she uses it as a cover to see what I'm doing."

Kenny didn't reply, only nodded in distracted agreement as he pulled on any articles of clothing he could find. There wasn't a whole lot to choose from considering they just started moving stuff into their bedroom, but he made due with a crumpled tee and some worn jeans. Once Kyle was decent he fell back onto the mattress, not really caring whether or not his mom wanted to see him. He was dreading the inevitable look of disapproval that seemed to always be on her face, and in that moment he wished that he could call Carol for support.

She would know what he should do. She always gave the best advice, and it got him out of a lot of really hard situations. He still remembered meeting up with her at their house before everything was gone. A cigarette was always dangling from between her fingers, and the heels of her Dollar-Store winter boots rested on the plastic table they had out on the porch as she reclined in a matching plastic chair. She would hug herself, her camouflage patterned coat only doing so much to keep her warm as the snow fluttered down around them from the sky.

"What should I do?" he would ask, raking his hand through his hair. Sometimes tears would be in his eyes, and sometimes he would have no expression at all as he begged for her help.

She would always look up at him through her bangs, which were just as vivid red as the young man's who sat across from her on her porch. She pulled the butt of her cancer stick from her lips, pushed the little table out from between them with the side of her boot, and then leaned forward. Her lips would part, always natural and free flowing as her bright green eyes glistened with understanding and experience. Every word that danced off of her lips was a sacred piece of advice. Despite her heavy hick accent and small vocabulary, she had been through a hell of a lot in her forty some years, and she learned from everything she had seen.

And, unlike his own mother, she was always more than happy to listen and help, no matter how much trouble he found himself in.

As far as Carol was concerned Kyle was a McCormick. He was one of her babies, and she loved him just as much as she loved the children she gave birth to. He was even mistaken as her blood when they were out in public. His bright red hair and green eyes matched hers to a tee, and they both carried a similar air of confidence around them. When he trailed behind her, cart in hand as she picked through shelves of food for the cheapest prices, her coworkers from Olive Garden would sometimes approach them. She had told them of her family, of her two sons and daughter, but few of them knew what they looked like. Therefore, it was no surprise when they were mistaken.

"Your son's a cutie," some would say, not realizing they were wrong.

Carol never corrected them.

Once he pulled himself from his memory he looked over at Kenny, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his lips pressed firmly together. His dad always did that when he was nervous. Stuart used to tap his foot, too, just like Kenny was.

Kenny didn't look anything like Carol. He was a spitting image of his father. Those brilliant blue eyes turned in their sockets so that he could give Kyle a sideways glance. They were the same eyes Stuart had. Kenny had the same face, too, except much younger.

"I haven't heard anything about your dad," Kyle said as he pushed himself upwards.

Kenny's face scrunched in distaste, his foot still tapping away at the carpet under him in a show of his discomfort.

"He's dead," Kenny murmured.

"No he isn't," Kyle argued quickly, his eyebrows scrunched together. He didn't know a whole lot about what happened that night, but if he was certain about one thing it was that Stuart made it out alive.

"Well he is to me." The reply was cold, which wasn't really in Kenny's character. His expression spelled death, and his eyes were narrow. The look on his face threw Kyle off. He hadn't expected such obvious anger, and he didn't want to stir anything more up despite how curious he was.

"So," he began, "should we go outside and face my mom or shack up in here and bolt the door and windows closed?"

The tension in the air melted away within seconds of the question when Kenny let out a small chuckle.

"I would say to stay in here, but she asked for you specifically," Kenny replied.

It was probably best that they just went out there and faced the inevitable. The longer they put it off the longer they had to worry about it, after all. It didn't really seem all that simple, though. Sheila had been scolding and disapproving of Kyle many times before, the last thing he wanted was to see that look of distaste in her eyes again when she looked at him. He could just picture her eyes rolling in their sockets as she pressed her lips tightly together, forever disappointed in her fuck up son and his fuck up life. He was jobless at the time, and living in his little brother's house free of charge as he spent his time loving up on a convicted criminal. He didn't have any complaints about his life, Kyle was happier than he had been in a very long time despite all the crazy shit that was going on around him. None of that mattered to Sheila, though.

All she saw was a pathetic bum, he was sure. He never really understood her or her way of thinking. Parents were supposed to say their kids should do whatever makes them happy; follow their hearts as some would say. Sheila never did though.

She didn't care whether or not Kyle was happy, she only cared if he became everything she wanted him to be.

At least that's what Kyle always thought.

...

She was sitting in the living room, stirring some sort of tea as she sat on the couch with her legs crossed. She was just as proper as ever, which only served to heighten Kyle's anxiety. Her eyes wandered over to him and Kenny, who were standing in the doorway that lead to the hall. He tried to force a smile on his face, but it just didn't feel right.

"Hey mom," he greeted, trying to sound as unfazed by her intimidating presence as possible.

She didn't reply with words, only watched the two nervous men standing awkwardly close to one another. Her face didn't look pleased, but that was really no surprise. Ike sat on the couch opposite of her. His hands were folded in his lap, and he was almost curled into himself, as to not somehow offend his mother with his body language. It always pissed Kyle off to see his little brother that way, stepping on egg shells when all he really wanted was for Sheila to be proud. The younger of the two brothers was much more desperate for her approval, and it was never hard for her to crush him, which was something she often times did.

Kenny looked to Kyle expectantly, as if he was supposed to be doing more than just standing uncomfortably. He didn't know what else to do, though. He said hello in the friendliest way possible, but she didn't even respond. All she did was sit there and stare, her upset expression drilling holes into his skull as she tapped the toe of her pointed heel against Ike's living room carpet.

"How have you been?" she asked, but Kyle was not at all fooled by her seemingly friendly start in conversation, and he was right not to be.

"I would know, but we haven't talked since you hung up on me."

He should have seen that coming.

She had that look on her face, the one that said she was expecting him to explain himself as if he was a five year old who just stole a cookie from the jar. God he hated this so much. Luckily he had Kenny there for support, which helped tremendously knowing that he wasn't alone completely in the situation.

"I've been busy," was the only reply he could come up with.

"With what?" she asked, one eyebrow raised in disbelief.

"Well, Kenny and I have been moving into our new room," he stated firmly, almost as if he just wanted to spite her.

"Yup," Kenny agreed with a bit of mischief budding on his face.

"What what what?" she nearly shouted, "Why are you sharing a room?"

"Well, that's usually what couples do," Ike added in his two cents with his gaze on the floor so that he didn't have to see the fury in her eyes when she glared in his direction. He was trying his best to defend his brother despite his obvious fear to do so, and his efforts didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

"Couple! Kyle, don't tell me you're back with that... McCormick boy," she murmured out, censoring herself in Kenny's presence.

"Always such a charmer," Kenny mocked, sticking out his tongue and winking to show he didn't really give a flying fuck what she thought of him, and that her opinion of him and his family didn't affect him at all.

She recoiled as if he had just shouted a curse, and then snapped her head in Kyle's direction, awaiting confirmation.

"Well mom, that's actually why I've been avoiding talking with you," he confessed civilly, determined for their conversation to go as smoothly as possible, "I didn't want you to find out we were back together until we were ready."

She jerked in Ike's direction, obviously furious with being kept out of the loop. "Why didn't you tell me your brother was back with the McCormick?" she hissed, still refusing to call Kenny by his first name.

That was what bothered Kyle the most, knowing that his mother stripped Kenny of his identity every time she referred to him. He wanted to stomp his feet and demand for her to respect him. He wanted to tell her that Kenny had a name, and that he had done more for him in his life than Sheila ever had. Fuck, Kenny even clothed him and fed him since their senior year in high school.

He was just about to open his mouth and loose it, but Ike interrupted.

"Because you would freak out and it's really not a big deal," he finally replied quietly in fear of being reprimanded.

The room went silent, and Kyle had never felt so much tension before in his life. Sheila was just staring at Ike as if he had grown a second head, unable to fully process what he was saying. He never said a bad word about her in her presence before, and he definitely never spoke out of turn. She was dumbfounded by this, and when she realized Ike was on Kenny's side she suddenly felt unrightfully trapped.

"I'll never understand you," she stated firmly in Kyle's direction. "You had everything growing up, all the opportunity in the world."

Kyle did not want to start a fight. He did not want a shouting match, either. However, it was time he finally stood up for himself.

"Yes, mom. I did have a lot of opportunity, but I don't regret the choices I've made," he stated firmly, sick and tired of all the awkward conversations and ignored calls from his mother. He wanted her to understand. He wanted her to stop being so irrational and act like the normal and supportive mother he'd always wished she would be.

"You don't understand," she argued. "You always wanted to make something of yourself. You wanted to be a lawyer!"

"No mom, you wanted to be a lawyer," Kyle deadpanned, unmoving and stern.

The room went silent for a few moments as everyone's gazes gravitated to Sheila, genuinely curious what her response would be. Her foot was no longer tapping, and her tightlipped expression faultered. By that point Kenny somehow managed to find himself hiding behind Kyle, afraid a shoe would be chucked in their direction any second. She didn't look mad anymore, but no one was really sure what she was feeling. Her eyes seemed to go right through Kyle and into some other world as her empty face searched for an appropriate expression. Whether or not this was the calm before the storm none of them were sure, but the silence was both confusing and horrifying.

"Are you accusing me of something?" she asked, her head tilting ever so slightly in genuine confusion.

"No, mom." It was really hard for him not to repeat her title nearly every time he started a sentence, but it was programmed so deep into his head not to offend her that he couldn't help it anymore. "I just want to make you understand why our relationship is the way it is."

"I'll tell you why it is the way it is," she stated meekly, as if she was suddenly on the verge of tears. He hadn't realized just how neurotic she had become, and it was beyond concerning to him. "You never wanted anything to do with me."

"What?" Kyle nearly screamed in disbelief, "Mom, you treated me like shit my entire life, you are not blaming our problems all on me!"

Ike suddenly stood from his seat and nearly bolted for the hallway door. He did not want to be there when a fight broke out, and he was positive they weren't going to get any less hostile any time soon. Kenny on the other hand was paralyzed in his shock. He had never in his life seen Kyle really defend himself against his mother, so his sudden burst of emotion was beyond the point baffling and into simply memorizing.

"Excuse me? I've done nothing but sacrifice for you, and the moment you turned eighteen you ran away with those filthy McCormicks."

"Stop talking bad about them!" Kyle screamed, finally snapping all ties to his sanity. "And stop talking bad about Kenny! They came to your house and brought me to live with them because you forbid me from seeing them anymore! They fed and clothed me even though they could barely afford to live themselves! They may have made a lot of mistakes in their lives, but they were amazing people. And the only reason you stopped letting me see them was just because you were jealous!"

She tipped back her head and let out a laugh, "Jealous? Of what? The shack they lived in? The rags they wore? They are why you turned out the way you did!"

Kyle felt like screaming, and inside Sheila wanted to cry. Her words may have been harsh and judgmental, but that was only because she didn't know how else to be. She didn't know how to tell him that it hurt her to see her own son clinging to another woman as if she had been the one to birth him when he could barely look Sheila in the eyes. She didn't know how to tell him that she regretted nearly everything she did as he was growing up, and that she was sorry for driving him so far away that he literally packed up and left the very day he turned eighteen. So yes, she was extremely jealous of the McCormicks. They had the only thing she ever really wanted; a good relationship with her son. Sadly, she didn't know how to say sorry, so she just kept on doing things she would live to regret.

"Yeah! They're the only reason I didn't end up completely fucked in the mind like you!" As Kyle screamed spit flew from his mouth. Kenny reached out and wrapped his fingers around his boyfriends wrist, determined to show is concern and support in any way that he could. All Kenny wanted to do was snatch Kyle up and bring him back to bed so that he wouldn't have to feel so upset anymore, but he knew that Kyle's exploding was long overdue.

Sheila didn't respond at all to what Kyle had said, she just sat there with a weird look on her face. Her real emotions were getting the best of her, and Kenny only prayed that she didn't end up crying. He knew Kyle would never forgive himself of he made his mom cry.

He didn't like her, but he would always love her.

Her face fell, and suddenly everything in the room seemed to freeze completely. For a few moments time seemed to stop, and Kyle's face contorted in mortification when he realized he really did hurt Sheila's feelings. Kenny didn't understand why he looked so upset about making her sad. There were too many nights to count where Kyle came to him in tears over stupid shit she had done and said. Part of him wanted to see the fiery redhead flip his shit and spew out all the hate he's been hoarding over all those years, but it just wasn't in Kyle's nature.

"Well," Sheila said weakly with her hands tucked in her lap. She was talking as if she wasn't hurt, but she wasn't fooling anyone. "I guess it's time I should be going."

Kyle wanted to reach out and stop her. He wanted to spew out apologies as if there literally would be no tomorrow, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Kenny's free hand found it's way to Kyle's back, where he rubbed soothingly as Sheila collected her purse and headed for the front door, which Kyle almost forgot existed because they used it so rarely.

She reached for the knob, but turned back to look at the two men standing across the room. Kyle's eyes were locked with hers, and she could tell that he was fighting to hold back tears as someone she considered scum comforted him. In that moment she reflected on herself. All of her nasty words and cruel actions flashed before her eyes when she saw the look on her son's face. There was a point in her life when she wished death on the McCormicks, and after all that was said and done she couldn't help but reconsider who the antagonist really was in her fairytale.

"I'm sorry," was all she could manage before slipping out of the door.

Kyle wouldn't see his mother again for a very long time.

...

"I still miss her," Ike confided softly as he fingered the leather cover in his hands, "and I know that you do, too, so I thought you should have this."

He held out the journal that had become so important to him to the man reclining before him. With an unsteady hand he reached out and grasped the little book, looking over it with a perplexed gaze.

"It was her's," Ike whispered.

Stuart's gaze fell, eyeing the thing before him nervously. He didn't seem to know what to make of it, or how he should feel about being able to look inside the thoughts of his daughter. He wanted nothing more than to open it and feel a part of her again, but he was afraid of what could be lingering inside.

He hadn't been the best father, and he didn't want the little book to reinforce that idea.

Picking up on Stuart's hesitation, Ike murmured, "I really think you should read it."

Suddenly he understood why it was so hard for Kenny to part with it. It was an extension of Karen's mind. Her handwriting, her words, her thoughts, and her memories were stashed away between the covers, and having it around was like having her around. Ike was starting to get better, though. He knew that things would never be the same again, but he was dealing with it. He was learning how to live a normal life with all of his memories of her as gentle reminders of happiness rather than mind crippling obstacles.

He was healing, but Stuart wasn't.

"Did she write about me?" he asked slowly, fearfully, as the tips of his fingers threatened to crack open the cover.

"She wrote about all of us," Ike answered in a voice that was calm and reassuring.

Stuart nodded, and then set the diary on his makeshift end table, promising himself that he would read it later. Ike sat as tall as he could in his seat, gazing around the apartment with sadness in his eyes. He cleaned it pretty well the last time he was over, but a bit of trash had already accumulated around the tiny space.

Stuart never was a very good house keeper.

"Kenny is doing really well," he assured in a suddenly more chipper tone, "He took Kyle back, and we converted our junk room into a bedroom for them for now."

Stuart again only nodded, his mind lost in some other world that Ike couldn't see. His eyes were glazed over, and his movements were slow and unsteady. He was much more indifferent than usual, and mention of Kenny didn't affect him as it usually did.

"It's hard to live sometimes," he murmured softly, catching his visitor off guard, "I never wanted for my only living blood to be dead to me."

Ike wanted to interrupt, but couldn't find the strength within himself to do so.

"I never wanted him to be, but he's just as dead as the others. I don't see 'em, I don't hear 'em. Not unless he's in my dreams screaming, just like the rest of 'em." Stuart rubbed his fingers over the grotesque scarring over his face before continuing on, "He's still my son, but I'm not his father."

It hurt Ike to see Stuart hurting, but there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. Stuart's pain was something he didn't know how to fix, and that left him feeling more helpless than ever before.

"And you," the older man said, adjusting himself in his seat so that he could get a better look at Ike. "Out of all the people in the world who hate me, you should be one of them. I destroyed your life. Because of me you're alone and all your dreams are gone, how can you stand to walk through my door and look me in the eyes? Talk to me as if I never hurt you?"

"Because," Ike stated, requiring no moment to think before he already had the answer, "you will always be dad to me."

A silence fell over them, and an odd look came over Stuart that his visitor had never seen before. A wide mixture of emotions all seemed to be on his face at once before he leaned forward and huffed out.

"What you did was wrong, but you didn't choose for them to die. You didn't decide to hurt them. It's something that just happened."

"It didn't just happen," Stuart argued with his gaze downcast. "There is always a risk when you deal with dealers."

Ike didn't reply right away. He knew that they would still be alive if Stuart hadn't fucked up so bad. Karen would be living with him right now, and he would be back to waking up to her smile every morning. Stuart really had been the reason his entire world was burned to the ground. He could rebuild, but it would never really be the same. Therefore it was a massive task to convince the older man he wasn't at fault. It was a massive task that Ike just could not handle.

"You should go for a drive or something," Ike suggested, changing the subject as he made his way over to the window so that he could peek at the weather outside. "It's nice out, and you can't stay shut up in here forever."

"I don't like leaving my apartment."

"You haven't left this apartment in five months, we're going on a fucking drive."

...

"Hurry up or we're going to be late!" Kyle fussed from the passenger seat as Kenny cruised in the Grand Prix. Time had passed quite quickly since his fight with his mother. That happened over a month ago, and Kyle could hardly believe she hadn't called once since then. He was a bit worried considering she never flat out just stopped talking to him for so long before. However, it was her who wasn't returning the calls, so he didn't feel nearly as bad about it as he thought he should have.

"Cool it, we'll get there on time. I'm sure Stan will wait up for us," Kenny reassured calmly from the driver's seat. Things were still rocky between those two. Although Stan accepted that Kyle was still in love with Kenny it was very begrudging.

There was a little bit of hope that his grievances were settled when he invited them over for cards, however. He decided that the chairs in his dining room had been empty for far too long, and invited everyone that was still around to come by for a game like old times. Kenny and Kyle weren't excluded, and the both of them were feeling pretty excited. It was the first time in years that they would be all together with their friends again in such a positive light. Although Clyde, Token, Butters, and the other McCormicks weren't going to be there, their chairs still were, and their spots would always be left open.

Everything was going great. That was until the car began to sputter and tremble. Kenny's nose scrunched up in alarm hearing the loud groans from under the hood, and decided it was best to pull over on the side of the road, where they broke down.

"Well fuck," he grumbled before climbing out of the driver's seat to look inspect the damage. The sun was setting in the distance, giving way to the night as Kenny tinkered with his boyfriend's vehicle. Said boyfriend found himself climbing out of the car as well, just in case he could help somehow. They both stood there on the side of the street, flustered and upset as they tried to get the car to come back to life.

"I told you we should have driven the Toyota," Kenny murmured in frustration as he poked around the engine.

"Oh shut up," Kyle huffed, running his fingers through his bangs as the darkness began to fall on them.

Cars passed them by, but not one would stop to help. Kyle did all he could to flag them down. He waved his arms to catch their attention, even stuck out his thumb as if he needed a ride, but no one stopped. After a long and grueling thirty minutes stranded, a white truck gave them its sympathy by pulling up behind them on the side of the road.

"Thank god," Kenny groaned as Kyle nearly jumped for joy. The redhead was so ecstatic he was a second away from breaking out into spontaneous song and dance.

Kyle began strolling towards the vehicle, ready to ask for any sort of help they could get, but Kenny grabbed a firm hold of his boyfriend's arm before he could get too far and yanked him back by his sleeve.

"What are you doing?" Kyle protested after being jerked backwards.

"I know that truck," was the only reply as Kenny stared, trying to pinpoint exactly where he had know it from.

It's driver killed the engine, and both Kenny and Kyle waited with blank expressions to see who would step out.

"Need some help?" they asked through their open door, although they had yet to take a look at exactly who they stopped for.

It was the voice they recognized first. It was much more horse and raspy than they recalled, but they knew they weren't wrong. A leg covered in blue jeans appeared and a foot protected my a steal toed boot made contact with the pavement. When he finally shut his car door and looked up at who was standing only a few feet away all the color drained from his face.

All stood quiet as Kenny laid eyes on his father for the first time in what seemed like years.


	14. The End

Alright you guys, this is the last chapter. I was going to write an epilogue, but I just do not have the drive to do that because I've about lost my attachment to this considering I can't relate to any of the characters anymore. It's still a good story, and I'm very proud of it, but my heart just isn't in it anymore. I have another story that I'm working on that is so personal and close to my heart that I know it will be ten thousand times better than anything I ever wrote of this story, so I'm eager to wrap this up. With that being said all of this is forced and pretty much pulled out of my ass, but I'm giving it the best ending I can manage. Thank you to everyone whorafik by me and this fanfiction, even when things got really shaky. I love all of you, and I really hope that you aren't too dissapointed.

Also, it's really fucking short. Sorry about that, but I didn't have a whole lot to add haha

* * *

><p>Walls Became Fuel<p>

Chapter Fourteen; The End

To say there was tension in the air was a complete and utter understatement. The curtain of hate, anger, frustration, and betrayal hung heavy between Stuart and Kenny as they fucked around under the hood of Kyle's car. There was so much to say and no courage to say it. Stuart cleared his throat as he wiped his forehead with the back of his arm, making Kenny wince as if the small movement offended him.

"I don't think she's gonna get you anywhere for a while," Stuart mumbled as he knocked on the engine with his knuckles. "If you want a ride I'd be happy to drop you off somewhere."

Kenny didn't say a word back. He just stood next to a man that might as well have been a stranger. His eyes narrowed as he leaned forward, stealing a good look at what was under the hood in disapproval. Both Kenny and Stuart were very well trained when it came to car maintenance, and they knew this would be no quick fix. However, he didn't want to be next to that vile man any longer than he had to be. Accepting a ride was completely out of the question in his mind. However, it was starting to get pretty dark, and Kenny knew Stan and the others were waiting for them to arrive.

As Kenny tried to make his decision Kyle tried to watch them out of his windsheild, but the popped hood denied him any real view of his lover or the older man. That was probably a good thing though, Kyle would feel horrible if he couldn't help but stare at Stuart's deformed face. It really was not a pretty sight. Red, glossy, bunched up skin plagued one half of his face like bloody tissues, and that eye was hazed over a light blue with no visible pupil. Kyle couldn't help but think Stuart was a very brave man. There was no way he would ever walk the streets if his face was as distorted and grotesque as Stuart's.

Frustrated with waiting, he pulled himself out of the passenger side door and poked meekly around the front of the car. Kenny and his dad seemed to be having some sort of staring match as Kyle watched his lover tap the side of the car with his fingers in contemplation.

"There's nothin' I can ever say to you to fix what I've done, and I know you still hate me, I don't blame you either, but don't let Kyle sleep on the side of the road because you can't put your hatred aside for just a few minutes," Stuart mumbled under his breath, stepping aside so that Kenny could get a good look at the man listening into their conversation.

Kyle stood there, his head tilted slightly to the side in confusion as he looked to Kenny for an update or some sort of direction. His olive eyes were wider than usual, probably because he was starting to feel nervous about the darkness falling around them, and his upper half was being swallowed up with Kenny's parka. No matter how much of a dumbass Stuart may have been he made a very good point. There was no way Kenny was going to allow Kyle to stay out there all night.

"What's going on?" Kyle finally asked as he crossed his orange clad arms over his chest. The brown fur trim of Kenny's hood kept his cheeks warm as he tightened the loose fabric around his neck.

"He says he'll give us a ride," Kenny finally decided as he took a few extra steps to walk around his father on his path to Kyle. "We'll have to come back and get the car tomorrow."

Kyle nodded in understanding and let out a puff of air in relief. Much longer stranded on the side of the road and he would have lost his mind. They all piled into the little truck. Kenny and Stuart were up front, leaving Kyle to squeeze into the tiny back seat.

The world passed by out the window as all three sat in an ungodly uncomfortable silence. Kyle tried to occupy himself with twiddling his fingers and examining all the trees outside the truck, mostly as a distraction from the dark and heavy air that wafted towards him from the backseat.

"It's nice to see you again," Start started in an attempt to engage his estranged son in a long overdue conversation.

Kenny dismissed his fathers words with a simple grunt and the nod of his head, obviously still not wanting to be bothered with anything that had to do with him. When Stuart picked up on Kenny's frustration he sank back into his seat like someone slapped him on the wrist. Kyle saw this, and after a long moment of pause he decided to try to break the ice for everyone's sake.

"So, how have you been, dad?" Kyle asked as cheerily as he could manage, almost as if there wasn't an elephant packed in that tiny space with them.

He knew how much Kenny hated his father, but if Kyle could find it in himself to have a serious chat with the mother that dictated his entire life he was sure Kenny could come to terms with Stuart in some way. He was only hoping it didn't end in a fight, because with the way Kenny turned out a verbal argument could end with someone's eye getting poked out.

"I've been good," he replied with both hands planted firmly on the wheel. His eyes were staring far off out his window, and it was more than obvious to Kyle that his reply was nothing more than a complete and utter lie.

"I'm glad," Kenny mumbled sarcastically in his obvious anger. "Every man who causes the death of his entire family deserves to feel just fucking great all day every day."

Again the car fell silent, and Kyle smacked himself in the forehead. That was not at all how he was hoping things would go, but he couldn't say that he was very surprised.

Stuart didn't have a word to say back to Kenny's insult at first. He just kept driving with his eyes locked on the road as if his disgruntled son had said nothing at all. Being ignored seemed to bother Kenny when he finally let out a huff and fell back against his seat with a bounce. Kyle was sure the only reason his boyfriend didn't flip his shit was because he knew Kyle was watching from the back seat.

"You're right," came a low and barely audible reply from the drivers seat. "It is my fault, and I die inside a little more every day because of it. I'm not the only one though, am I?"

This situation seemed to keep manufacturing awkward silences, seeing as no one ever knew what to say after being addressed. Kenny was definitely having one of those moments, so Stuart continued.

"I know I'm not the only one who has dreams and sees things. I'm not the only one who looks at a knife and wonders how deep it could cut." The entire car continued it's uneasy silence as Stuart added onto his truthful rant. "I'm not the only one who finds it hard to live, am I?"

Kyle leaned forward to see the side of Kenny's face. He was staring intensely at his father with absolute fury in his eyes, yet there was a bit of shock there too. It was almost as if Stuart had read his mind, and Kenny didn't like that all. Kyle himself was confused. Sure Kenny had problems, but he knew he would never do anything to hurt himself.

"Don't act like you know me," Kenny hissed. "You never knew me. You never gave a fuck about me."

"That isn't true," Stuart snapped. "I know I wasn't the best father, but I always loved you, don't ever say that I didn't."

Kenny leaned back into his seat once again, very disbelieving of what he was hearing. He glanced back at the man in the seat behind him for some sort of assurance, but Kyle didn't have anything to offer but a concerned shrug.

"Bull," Kenny finally murmured. "You never cared about anyone but yourself. Cheating on mom, beating us up all the time, you call that love?"

Stuart sighed deeply when he realized that Kenny made a very good point. He had been a horrible person all throughout his life. Even the births of his children didn't steer him off his path of violence and self destruction. He abused his family, used drugs, got mixed up with the wrong people, and was just an all around asshole. His cocky, I-can't-be-destroyed, attitude is ultimately what took the lives of his family, and he could never quite forgive himself for that.

"I can't take back what I did, but we're all that's left."

The darkness surrounded them, so all was pitch black besides the occasional street lamp that left the truck's interior suddenly burning with light as they drove by.

"What are you trying to say, old man?" Kenny asked as irritably as he could manage.

"I'm saying that we're family. Whether you like it or not, and you're the only one I have." Stuart sounded deeply hurt as he grumbled out his insinuation.

Kenny glanced at Kyle in the back seat. He was looking back at him, still just as lost as he looked when their car gave out on them. The street lights flooded in from time to time, illuminating his slightly concerned expression. He realized in that moment that he may have been all Stuart had left, but Stuart wasn't all Kenny had left at all. He had Ruby, Ike, and Kyle. They had become his family, and he wasn't sure if he considered his father family at all.

Kenny remembered what it felt like, though. He remembered sleeping in his car every night by himself. There wasn't a single person in the world that would have cried for his demise. He was sure no one would have cared if he didn't come back all those times he ended his own life. Kyle and the others showed him differently, though, and with a little help he slowly began to get back on the right track.

He didn't know if he and Stuart could ever really consider each other a family again, but maybe all he really needed was a try.

Kenny's blue eyes were still trained on his lover in the back seat when Kyle gave a small, reassuring, smile. By that time Stuart's truck came to a stop on Stan's street. Cars were already lining the street as everyone else arrived on time, and the only thing offering them any light was a lonely street lamp out by the woods. Kyle climbed out, and Kenny began to follow. He took one last look at his father before he hopped out onto the street. He kept his eyes trained on the road in front of him as if it would tear him to pieces to watch his son walk away without a reconciliation.

Kenny sighed, unable to keep his wrath clutched to his chest with white knuckles. After all that he had seen and all that he had felt his grip on his hatred was loosening, and it was starting to get away.

"Kyle and I are going to the lake next week to go fishing," Kenny mumbled under his breath. He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

"Maybe you can come."

The shock in Stuart's face was more than apparent as he gawked in shock. "I... would like that."

...

"You are all so going down," Cartman murmured smugly over his hand of cards. Wendy sat next to him with her chair pressed snugly against his as she peeked over at his hand. Their game was in full swing, and Cartman was indeed kicking everyone's asses.

"Don't be so smug," Craig voiced in his usual drawl. Tweek was unsurprisingly seated in his lap while he shared a hand with his fiancé as if they were one person rather than two. They shared their hand and turn just like they shared everything else, which was also no surprise.

"Oh, zip it," Cartman retorted. "No way you two are catching up now."

Craig rolled his eyes as Tweek laid down a card. The whole room was full of laughs and contentment despite the empty seats dotted around the table. They were guzzling down alcohol and smoking like freight trains, but the strong smells were welcomed by even those who didn't engage in such things. The cigarette smoke and strong scents brought back pleasant memories to both Kyle and Kenny as they laid back in their blue camper chair, squished against one another as Kyle held his cards and Kenny guzzled down a beer with one arm slung over his lover's shoulder.

"So how does a gay wedding work anyway?" Stan asked in the midst of the noise and laughter. "Do you both get a best man or is Tweek going to pick out some bride's maids?"

"Excuse me?" Tweek protested.

"Yes, he's also going to walk down the aisle in a bridal gown," Craig agreed with a devilish smirk and a snicker.

"GAH! I am not!" came a shout before Craig found himself smacked upside the back of his head.

The room erupted with laughter as the game continued. Bebe was the only one who wasn't participating, mostly because she was looking for a snack for Benji in the kitchen and partly because sitting in her husbands chair alone made her want to cry. Kenny and Kyle took over caring for Benji so that she could return to the game, although it was begrudging on her part. They figured massive amounts of smoke wouldn't be good for the boy, so they did their best to entertain him in the kitchen. Kyle dragged out some pots and tupperware to substitute for toys, all of which ened up on someone's head at least twice. After pretending their plastic bowls and pots were a drum set Benji found himself nodding off on Kyle before just konking out completely against the man's chest.

Kenny was feeling pretty good by that point, but he couldn't decide if it was play time with Benjamin or the booze that influenced that.

"You two are just the cutest thing ever," Kenny chuckled as he plopped down beside them.

Kyle had no verbal reply, he just stuck out his tongue. His nose scrunched up and his eyebrows pinched together as he did so, leaving the redhead looking cuter than Kenny had seen in a while.

"You never really told me much about Georgia," Kenny mentioned suddenly with a smile as they sat against Stan's refrigerator.

Kyle was taken aback by the randomness of what he was saying, but ultimately decided to play along.

"Well, I never really thought it was important," he confessed in a whisper as he held the sleeping child against his chest.

"I just thought it was weird that you've never mentioned it before."

"You never mention those four years either, you know."

"Well," Kenny started. His eyes suddenly looked far off into a different world as he forgot the drink in his hand completely. "I didn't want you to have to hear about any of that. I did a lot of stupid things while you were gone."

After a moments pause, Kyle decided to make a proposition. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

He looked confidant, as if he knew Kenny's curiosity would get the better of him. At the same time, though, his eyes looked unsure and heavy.

"I guess that's fair," he agreed cooly before setting down his beer on the linoleum beside him. "You could probably guess just about everything I got myself into. Drugs, alcohol, casual sex. I also stabbed a dude in the face, but you already know about that."

Kyle chuckled faintly, not because what his boyfriend said was funny, but simply because of how casually he stated it.

"Did you date?" Kyle asked, still very softly so that he wouldn't wake the boy in his arms.

"Yes, twice. Both women. Didn't last very long. Did you?"

Kyle's smile faded immediately, and his once lighthearted expression went low and hurt looking. "Yeah... but just once."

"Another dude?"

"Yeah," came a murmur.

"Didn't end well, did it?"

"No."

They didn't really say much for a while. Kenny just figured that if Kyle wanted to talk about it he would, so he let the silence talk for him.

"I only dated him for about six months. We met during my freshman year of college and he seemed like a really nice guy. It was hard to be with him, though. Every time he kissed me or tried to be romantic with me all I could think about was you, and that really stressed him out." As he spoke he patted Benji's back softly in some sort of plea for him to stay fast asleep.

"He started getting really controlling really quickly. He didn't want me to hang out with my friends and constantly went though my cell phone. I was at his apartment one night and he asked me to move in with him. I couldn't really take it anymore. I told him that not only did I not want to live with him, but I didn't want to be with him anymore either. He got really upset."

By the was Kyle was wiping at his eyes Kenny knew his little tale wasn't about to get any better, and he wasn't so sure if he wanted to know anymore. Nonetheless, he let Kyle go on.

"He wouldn't let me leave. He shoved me against the counter and started hitting me. I was so shocked that I couldn't fight back, I just fell to the floor." There was obvious emotion inside of Kyle as he allowed his horrible experience to drill a hole through Kenny's heart. "It all happened so fast and out of nowhere I wasn't sure if it had really happened when he walked into his bedroom. I knew he would be back, so I ran."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" Kenny asked, sitting up taller as his burning hate fell off of his tongue.

"I don't know... I never told anybody. It happened years ago so I didn't think it was important. I did call you that night, though."

"You did?" Kenny asked in surprise. Every time Kyle had ever called he seemed so calm and collected. It sent shivers up Kenny's spine knowing that one of those phone conversations took place after something so terrible.

"Yeah... I called you every time something bad happened. I guess sometimes I just needed to hear your voice to feel like everything was okay."

"Kyle... you should have told me... I would have came and got you," Kenny grumbled, trying to keep his frustration quiet enough not to wake Benjamin. "I would have brought you home."

"Not after all the pain I put you through," came a somehow heartbreaking reply. Kyle was teetering on the edge of tears, and all Kenny could do was stare in a state of shock and disbelief.

How could anyone ever hurt Kyle like that? He didn't think it was humanly possible for someone to put their hands on him in such a way, and he never once ever considered it might have happened before. That could explain why Kyle was so eager to get back together to begin with.

It wasn't because Kenny was the only lover he had ever known, it was because he was the only person on the face of the earth that Kyle really trusted.

He leaned to the side, moving his fur trimmed hood away from his cheeks as he planted a soft kiss on one of Kyle's curls. He felt Kyle lean into him, hoping for an embrace as he held Benjamin fast to his chest.

"You're here early," Dr. Gloveland commented in surprise as Kenny stood idly in his doorway. The room was flooded with yellow light from the fixture hanging above their heads, leaving Kenny blinded as he walked in from the dimmed hallway.

"I know," he mumbled in mutual disbelief while closing the door gently behind him. His feet moved on their own accord, dragging against the carpet before he dropped onto the chair before his doctor.

"So... what do I owe the honor of such an early visit, Kenneth?" Dr. Gloveland asked in genuine curiosity as he leaned forward in his chair and pressed his elbows into his desktop.

The air between them remained silent for quite some time while Kenny tried to summon the energy to speak. He looked so tried and warn, tears threatening to overflow and wet his cheeks once again.

"My boyfriend is waiting for me outside," Kenny confessed as he wiped at his eyes with his bare arm. "So I have to make this quick."

"Alright," Dr. Gloveland agreed, stiff with anticipation and perplexed. He had never seen Kenneth so worked up before, so what he was about to say would surly be interesting.

He took in a deep breath, his chest was burning and his fingers were twitching as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm ready to talk about the fire."

Okay, so this is finally over. I'm sorry I lost so much interest in this, but if you're into creek, my next fan fiction will be much more interesting. Some intense emotional turmoil and a multitude of sex scenes (that are actually pretty fucking good, even to my surprise) will await you there.

I hope to see you all next time. ;)


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